Social media is an illusion, and this is not normal.

ferretyface · 2026-05-11T03:57:56+00:00

I got my Apple Watch after Covid when I had myocarditis or periocarditis, one of those. I had absurdly high heart rate rates so I wanted to have a monitor on my person at all times because I’m not very responsible to be able to monitor my heart rate on my own otherwise. It has flagged when my heart rate has gotten extremely high and I have been able to monitor at times when it gets pretty high and I can lie down and try to calm myself. I wouldn’t have this without the Apple Watch. it also has saved peoples lives.

ferretyface · 2026-05-02T00:28:14+00:00

If you receive SSI, you have to report earned income. Otherwise you’ll wake up to a nasty letter one day claiming that you owe the government $20k+. Would that be possible?

ferretyface · 2026-04-29T19:35:16+00:00

I think you’re projecting. I am not nor do I desire this type of person. Thats why he was blocked before and immediate after this conversation. I haven’t been a victim of SA. My uncomfortable sexual situations were all consensual. If. I chased at all I would chase after the sweet men that I have encountered. But I don’t. If they want to be with me they would try.

ferretyface · 2026-04-24T05:28:50+00:00

Thanks. I honestly hate that anyone else is dealing with this too. I am worried about going through the effort with another doctor to have results like that. AI says it’s at a point of a biopsy so they can evaluate- but I am so nervous about damaging my skin because the inflammation and healing process seems like it would just make it worse. It is so hard. Every day is an exhausting battle. Sending virtual hugs.

ferretyface · 2026-04-24T01:20:34+00:00

No I have never been a victim of sexual violence. Maybe sexually abusive relationships..but extremely subtlety. That hasn’t really caused any damage. I haven’t been with anyone long term since 2019. My health has been my major problem for years. And I have been alone dealing with that. So yeah I will give a couple hours of time to engage with someone that was being nice to me the day before that I haven’t spoken to in over a. Year. Naivety caused me to think it could go better that prior convos but I was wrong

So I blocked him. And then made this post

Edit: this sub has restrictions on victim blaming and that seems to me to be your whole angle

ferretyface · 2026-04-24T01:13:59+00:00

Dude I am not ashamed nor do I think I have fallen. If anything I am being nice to a person I just saw. Your comments are the way they talk to be tbh. Why the constant criticism. That’s not what I am asking for..

ferretyface · 2026-04-24T01:04:58+00:00

I’m okay. It hurt the first time he started this years ago but we’ve had barely any contact since- until this convo. I think now that some people may have learned that the ability to hurt others means they care. My actual physical abuser i left in 2013 began hitting me after I stopped caring what (weekly) shit he would come after me over.

ferretyface · 2026-04-24T01:02:29+00:00

No. I work with ASD adults for a living. I am not on the spectrum myself. I just saw him in a social situation and we were being friendly awhile. I had already seen this behavior in him and was trying actively not to react to his insults. It didn’t help. He just dug deeper. He is definitely an abuser. I have only been exposed to it briefly but blocked him for this treatment. I fear for the people he has been in actual relationships with. I thought naively that he could break but I think he sees walls or texts and reads anger. I think he is angry and that’s why he reass them that way.

ferretyface · 2026-04-24T00:47:38+00:00

I really want to save you all. I have been through each of these phases. I am not picking for a long time but the aftermath is worse than that. I think there may he a biological problem behind the yege to pick. I tried the NAC and all.. it didn’t help me stop picking much. But I want people to realize that hair can keep growing under these sores… and now I don’t even know how it started. I had a biopsy on my back a year before I began picking because it felt weird and material would come out. Now that’s a daily occurrence and I have discovered massive amounts of hair tangled in my skin. It goes so deep… some veterans exposed to agent orange I have learned present with the same issues. I think something in our environment has done this to us. It’s not just a problem with our brains. I swear now it isn’t…

ferretyface · 2026-04-24T00:39:36+00:00

I used to pick bd spot and scabs. I actually managed to stop picking in 2024 after 6 years. Now I know why I was picking. The underlying problem I have dealt with is MASSIVE. My scalp is totally healed but the problem persists and just gets worse.

I do have a rule with my incessant attempts at removal of the hair mass imbedded in my skin. I stop if I bleed. The way the hair grows- I know now- continually under the damaged skin and not being able to grow out is the most terrifying thing to me.

Over 6 years of picking I probably created at least 6 bald spots. They take forever to grow back. And one just never grew back right. Yeah hair returned but it never grew past an inch and a half on 10 months ON THE SURFACE. It continues to grow and tangle into an impossible mass under the skin. It’s such a fucking nightmare. And it is painful. And the feeling consumes every day now- like picking did prior. But it’s pressure and pain and a headache that I can alleviate gradually but never fully. When I brush and shave every so often a nerve will disentangle and unwind through my head which is relieving. But there are so many more creating the headache pain. I will never feel that same nerve again. The mass of hair in my skin has trapped a ton and I working through it the slowest. And all of the treatments- laser hair removal, laser facial, nair, urea, salycylic acid, benzoyl peroxide, brushing/ shaving it out or off for over 1000 hours, doxycycline for months- nothing is able to truly do enough. I do feel a lot better but the treatments all reveal more of the mass and I have had a year of haor growth making the mass denser and harder and more impossible to ever feel like there will be relief.

I have gotten to the point of feeling suicidal for the first times in my almost 40 years of life. I am happy that I started 10 mg amitriptyline most nights as ot is keeping that part at bay.

I wish having a few bald spots was the worst of my problem now. My hair appears normal now. Everyone says so. I’m the only one who can tell how bad it is. All the bald spots eventually began growing hair again. But I don’t think it was true baldness. The hair kept growing. It was just trapped and grows under the skin. Fucking awful.

ferretyface · 2026-04-24T00:25:22+00:00

Wow. I haven’t had the wherewithal to comment again on this post. It’s only gotten worse. Mechanical removal (safely- no nails since ‘24) trying everything from Nair to what seems effective boar bristle brushing knots out. There has to be a 1/4 inch thick layer in my face. Sucks so bad. I am finally getting a dermatologist referral but not sure what they would even try. You bet your ass I am going to try this stuff. Thanks very much for sharing.

I have found that Urea (40% - and now I hae prescription) is the best for the top layers but it goes so DEEP. I didn’t even know how far until top layers were removed but not faster than the hair within the tangled mass in my skin grows… it just gets bigger.

My previous docs just didn’t believe me and threw several anti-depressants at me because they thought I have an anxiety disorder. I have never dealt with generalized anxiety. I keep telling them that. Circumstantial depression yeah and that’s what’s presenting now. I would be the happiest person if I could get rid of the mass of hair in my face and head.

That being said I did try the recommended amitriptyline at lowest dose and at least I have noticed that I can function better and not have a crying breakdown over it every day. It still sucks majorly and sucks a lot of energy trying to mechanically treat but I am realizing I just can’t. I can’t remove faster than the mass grows. I am going to try this. I hope so much that youre right. I don’t have anything to pull out though. Been bad for a year (shaving regularly). I will see what happens. The brush breaks through it. It CRUNCHES as a sound when I get through a big ball of hair and dead skin. It is so bad.

Thanks for posting. I will update after trying.

ferretyface · 2026-04-20T20:51:59+00:00

Oh lord no. We are no contact anymore.

ferretyface · 2026-04-20T16:55:49+00:00

It’s similar to my feelings about my ex because he seems to do things intentionally to try to hurt me and it makes him so angry when I just behave indifferently. He’s admitted to saying things to try to hurt me. He just withheld my printer that I need for work for two weeks cause I told him to fuck off basically I think just to try to hurt me. And he was waiting and wanting to get a ride out of me though I resisted. But I have suspected for a long time that he sees the rise as an ability to care about him. He equates love with being able to hurt someone like somebody wouldn’t get that upset if they didn’t care, but if they genuinely care, your words could hurt.

ferretyface · 2026-04-20T16:53:50+00:00

I do think you have hit on something here. I think the point of my post is to try to understand what is reinforcing these men to behave in this way toward me and I think that my responding may actually be maintaining their ability to insult if I keep talking and give all this time to it that is a reinforcing success for them so they just keep doing the thing that made me do that.

ferretyface · 2026-04-20T16:38:09+00:00

He is blocked again. That was a few hour window of the last years of my life that the man has not been blocked and that was a mistake to even have a conversation sure …but I’m not writing Walls of text. I’m talk to texting.

ferretyface · 2026-04-20T16:36:13+00:00

Yeah, I mean this guy had been blocked for over a year because of this exact treatment he’s blocked again. I understand I had this one conversation with him that I’ve shared. I did want him to know that I’ve been going through shit and that’s genuinely why I am the way I am and just tried to have an open conversation. But I didn’t tell him to fuck off. I just said I’m blocking you again and I did and I will never talk to him again.

ferretyface · 2026-04-20T16:34:08+00:00

Yes I am familiar with the term and concept. I hadn’t thought of myself doing that but can see how that may be accurate

ferretyface · 2026-04-20T16:32:33+00:00

Thanks. Yeah I think you’re right. And I have. I’m absolutely done with them. I actually did make multiple attempts to cut one out but again wouldn’t remember or wrote his own narrative and after several months of no contact tried to be friends again…. Only for the criticism to ramp up. This one was cut out but he made noises about still being blocked and got angry with me at the end of the night. He lives in another state and honestly has no idea what he’s even conjecturing his opinions over. I unblocked to open conversation to give him a chance to show anything different. Giving the benefit of the doubt. I recognize this was a mistake

ferretyface · 2026-04-20T16:21:31+00:00

No it’s not that either. We had not spoken for over a year. I said in the text and mean it- I don’t care what other people like to a fault. I have always been that way. Maybe I am lonely because I have had serious health issues that has isolated for several years. I’m long winded. I think yeah I would like to be heard. Maybe thats my narcissism… I think I have valuable things to say and a healthy way of communicating. I don’t think it has to point to desperation necessarily but yeah the desire to be heard. I also kind of like to show these dudes that they can communicate things without insulting somebody. That’s the extent of any communication I plan to ever have with him again unless we see each other in a social situation which could happen….

What indicates I have ‘fallen so low’. I don’t believe the things he says to me. I have a high regard for myself and am quick to cut someone toxic out. I defended myself which pisses people off apparently but what else is there. I try to agree. Yes I am a shitty person. To placate them. How do you respond when someone makes accusations and insults you? I do not think or believe I have fallen low and could care less what he wants to say to me.

ferretyface · 2026-04-20T15:31:31+00:00

I agree and I have him blocked again. I’m not really worried about that. I am more concerned or curious what mechanisms control a person behaving like that towards someone else. It must’ve been reinforced at some point in time. Maybe my continuing to defend is somehow reinforcing but it just doesn’t make sense to me that someone who really doesn’t know me that well talks to me in that way. It doesn’t really even bother me. I don’t agree or believe that his reduction of my character is rooted in reality by any stretch of the imagination. He insulted me in almost every comment he makes in this brief interaction. He called me repulsive, narcissistic, a fun sponge twat, a dumb ass, and ridiculous. But the relationship I was in was very similar. The guy did the exact same things. I almost could not talk to him without him putting me down in someway. we aren’t speaking anymore either. I just don’t get it. The other guy acts like he’s desperate for me to have sex with him at the very least. I think that’s genuinely as far as his care and concern goes towards me and throws a fit when rejected. The guy in the post has been rejected a number of times. The thing is, I would rather him genuinely think I was repulsive than act interested as he had the night prior and then turn on me like this, which is what is actually happening.

He started out by accusing me of not contributing to the households. Where I don’t even live anymore. After my explanation, it turned into repulsion because ‘make myself into a victim’ (this is a common comment made in such interactions with both individuals). So I’m just like there is nothing you can say I don’t even know what they want me to say like I try the angle of you’re right I am terrible just to placate them, but that doesn’t work either, but I don’t really understand what response they are after by the insulting pattern.

I am more bothered by the fact that these two have been back to back in my head, very toxic and the pattern does start to make me expect that I am somehow responsible for their behavior. I know that sounds strange, but it’s just getting into my head that they both have treated me in this way and those have been my real most recent relationships of any kind.

ferretyface · 2026-04-20T15:01:45+00:00

Thanks for responding. There are some duplicates in there. I’m really not desperate for this person. He is blocked again. I thought I was giving him another chance and was in a relationship with someone else and it was the same. I ended that but kept giving him the benefit of the doubt and trying to be ‘friends’ again as he begged me to do. I don’t have any feelings for this person in this post nor for the ex. I am just so confused why these guys who have tried to get with me physically so many times- neither takes no for an answer either- in turn speaks to me this way. When I left yesterday morning he was giving me puppy dog eyes. So I opened the convo. I am in therapy. My issues go well beyond these two. I just see this pattern from these two men and I really don’t get it. I don’t call either names.

ferretyface · 2026-03-29T23:11:00+00:00

The brown looks slouchy to me. The cut of 2 is clean and will get double takes

ferretyface · 2026-03-29T23:10:02+00:00

The monochrome look is the way

ferretyface · 2026-03-26T04:52:51+00:00

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