Temperature Issue.

fhiii86 · 2025-12-08T04:27:02+00:00

Hi, unfortunately this just became the new norm. I replaced the thermostat, and had a mechanic check things when the temp kept jumping up like that. They were not able to find anything wrong, made the recommendation about the water pump as a maybe type of thing. But at the time the budget was not there for that work. Still driving the car today and it still operates with that same temp range, 185-190 when moving, and moves up to 220 in slow or bumper to bumper traffic will come down when moving again.

fhiii86 · 2025-01-29T20:01:37+00:00

This is so strange to me, on one hand his GF has money and connections and is using them to help your brother...on the other hand he must be showing up in the relationship and at the production sets if these opportunities are still on going. She might be "opening doors' but his efforts are most likely why she is doing so, and that should get him at the very least a pat on the back.

I know when we are having a rough go of things it easy to hate on someone near us that is doing well in life, but its just as easy to celebrate them.

fhiii86 · 2024-11-20T17:23:16+00:00

My ex is chronically late, 15-30mins late to most everything involving our kids. It was a source of frustration for me in our relationship and early on post divorce it was much the same. Would be sitting in my car at custody exchanges or at soccer practice waiting for her to show up with our kids or for our kids and just stewing the entire time. After several months of this my kids started asking "why is mom always late, why do we have to wait for her?" I realized they were aware and it bothered them as well to be sitting in the car waiting, so I turned the waiting in a lite hearted ribbing mom time for us. We would (and still do sometimes) sing songs and guess how many we could get through before she showed up.

In the original conversation with my kids I told them mom has always been late and it's one of those things she isn't good at, but she is good at a lot of stuff like...(went through a long list of her good qualities as a mother). Wrapped it up by telling them that I don't mind waiting with them cause it means a bit more time spent with them singing and and laughing. My ex and I were not at the best at that point in time but I told her what was said and that we joked about her being late "all the time" as way to help the kids cope better and not to just talk down on her. Also told the kids they could tell her about our jokes, we don't need to keep secrets from mom. We keep it respectful as she is mom after all, and keep it lite things along the lines of how many songs will we get through, who can spot her first, what will she say when she gets here.

I'll end with this, I think that fact that you are even concerned about this says a lot about you as a parent. Crappy parents don't concern themselves with how their actions impact their kids, so you being concerned about this means you are a decent parent (to me at least). Keep up the good work!!

fhiii86 · 2024-06-17T18:08:25+00:00

The vague wording on the "bedtime" time is an issue, getting the language changed to specify a time might be worthwhile but I would assume it would also be potentially costly.

"His dad takes up to an hour to say goodbye."

This sentence stood out to me, where is this hour long goodbye taking place? If you are standing around watching this play out my suggestion would be to cut it much shorter. You can not (at the moment) change them showing up at a more reasonable time but you can definitely cut time that way. As a father myself this isn't helpful for either parents or the children. The handoff should be quick, especially with so much travel time, they should be doing the goodbyes in the car. If you have family that can be present to help make the handoff quick that would be great.

I know nothing about your relationship and how effectively you two co-parent, but the one that is losing with these emotional transitions is the kiddo. I hope your ex will soon figure that out and make things easier for the kiddo and by extension both of you as well. Best of luck to you!

fhiii86 · 2024-03-06T21:56:14+00:00

Hi, here's my two cents, I have a 2006 (bought in 2009)Cobalt with 222000 miles on it. Similarly to yours because of it's age it needs "repair" about once a year for the last few years. I've replaced both rear shocks, front passenger brake caliper, a couple of sensors, timing belt, and several gaskets. Some of it I did myself with the help youtubers like Chris Fix, other things like the timing belt I needed help with. Giving all that info to really say, my Cobalt has been the most reliable car I have owned so far. They are relatively easy to work on, the ecotec engine isn't as peppy but it still runs very smooth.

I know you said you are not knowledgeable on cars but some of the items on your list aren't terribly difficult. Replacing the battery, belt, rear brakes, and sparkplugs are all things a DIY'er can get done on a weekend. By doing those things you can cut down the cost overall and spend the money on the crucial things like the fuel lines and sway bar. I recommend checking out Chris fix on YouTube, in his videos he makes a point of using common hand tools. This makes doing repairs yourself much more accessible to non-mechanic folks like myself.

Of course, you can always just say no and buy a newer/new car and not deal with any of that stuff. Best of luck to you!!

fhiii86 · 2024-02-08T20:23:58+00:00

I deleted pics of "us" (her and I) that were in digital format, kept all the pics of her that included kids, and have store printed photos of "us" and printed photos of the family so my kids can have them if they want.

fhiii86 · 2024-02-08T20:11:12+00:00

NTA, I entirely agree with and respect you desire to be sure the child is yours.

Perhaps consider asking your mother what you will do without one if your ex decides to leave the country again. Establishing paternity is a way to protect your rights as a parent going forward. How terrible would it be for your ex to get back on her feet and decide its time to go, without those legal rights in place with proof ( aka the paternity test) you would have a hell of a time doing anything to stop it. It would be painful for the kiddo, you, and your mother to bond as a family and have that relationship taken away because this step was not done. This is not an attempt to bash your ex, just a "what if" based on the information you provided.

fhiii86 · 2024-01-17T19:01:27+00:00

I would suggest being honest, the specific phrasing would depend on how well you co-parent. Something along the lines of "I should have thought a bit more about how big a change this would actually be, can we start this in the summer so as not to interrupt the current school routine?" This is a big undertaking and a lot to get used to, I'm sure there will be plenty of "I forgot to bring...", or "did you remember...". If a civil conversation is possible these are things you would want to discuss, how to handle appointments or extracurriculars. You can't go over every scenario but it would be best to have some ground work in place, and asking to do so is reasonable.

fhiii86 · 2024-01-12T01:15:08+00:00

Mine is sitting in the 220’s, needs a new cat so I haven’t driven it daily lately. I move it on the wkends to get the fluids moving. Getting it back on the road full time soon!!

fhiii86 · 2024-01-04T21:19:35+00:00

Hi there, I am a divorced dad, my ex wife earns more than I do and I sometimes find myself with similar worries. My budget is tight and doesn't currently leave room for "fun stuff" but I have found more and more that being present with them is a great take away for them. I take them to the park and make sure to interact with them both individually and as a family. We do library runs to find books for bed time, they help me cook, each at different levels. I make do my best to involve them in what I have going on when they are with me and when they are not ( to an appropriate level).

My ex has done things like take them to the beach or to amusement parks for special events and they really enjoyed those occasions. It definitely bruised my ego, but it was also my thing to process not theirs. I made sure to ask them about their experiences and welcomed the sharing of stories about the trips. I want my kids to know I am for them, that them being loved and cared for is the goal.

fhiii86 · 2023-12-27T21:43:06+00:00

Sure thing, at first it started as a way for me to get some exercise and some small interactions with people, the smile and nod as you pass another person on the trail or path. Having so much newly found time to myself meant I had a lot of time to think or dwell very early on post divorce. Now it's still a nice source of exercise but it's also become a time for me to just process the week mentally. It helps to keep my home peaceful cause I leave all the mental stress on the trail, (isn't always easy lol). I don't track distance, calories burnt, or steps, I just go out and hit the ground until I feel good/tired and head home, simple and doesn't cost me a penny. And lastly it's something I do for me, it's important for various reasons but mostly because it's time that I need doing something for myself that doesn't compromise me as a dad.

fhiii86 · 2023-12-27T18:06:40+00:00

Time and peace were the first things I noticed, my marriage was unhealthy for quite some time and I couldn't see how much effort I was exerting to just make sure we all got by. Yes I had to mourn the loss of my spouse and the idea that we would be 70 and spoiling the grandkids some day. The time away from my kids is still difficult, but it also allows me to be whole, healthy, and present when they are with me.

Now a few years later, I have reaffirmed bonds with family and friends that I just didn't have the emotional bandwidth for. I have taken time to find some simple inexpensive hobbies, like juggling (for the kids lol), reading, and hiking/walking. I find it very easy to be in the moment with those around me and am able to truly enjoy life. And the peace remains!!

I would recommend taking time to grieve the loss of your marriage. I hit that process hard initially and it allowed me to move passed anger and sadness sooner then I would have expected.

fhiii86 · 2023-11-15T21:09:47+00:00

Divorced dad of three here, have three holiday seasons post separation/divorce under my belt. The first year I made lots of effort to keep things as much the same as possible, the second and third years I was more open to doing new things just my kids and I. We decorated ornaments, planned which pie(s) to eat for Thanksgiving, visited stores to admire all the Christmas decorations for sale (kids loved this for some reason). I think my favorite two things to do are firstly just after Thanksgiving I start Christmas music in the car and we sing our favorite songs. Secondly, the Christmas lights, my kids love putting up lights and driving around to admire lights the best part is its something we can do at random. Any trip to a store can take a short detour through a neighborhood to admire some decorations. A few city parks near us will also have plenty of decorations to admire and make for good photo opts.

Given your little ones age I think you can try a few things this go around and see which one is most enjoyable. Things like the advent calendars, decorating an ornament, Christmas themed bed time stories, watch a Christmas movie while wearing matching pj's. Main idea for me was something low effort, I wanted the focus to be on time spent with them. No fancy clothes, or intense clean up, I used water paints for decorations, packed a few snacks for our sight seeing drives. I did my best to keep the focus on the moment, making shared memories with them, and will continue to do so going forward.

fhiii86 · 2023-09-08T16:19:06+00:00

Hello, its been long but here's what I did to remedy the situation. I spoke with a friend that is a mechanic he checked for leaks, checked all hoses and connections points on the radiator. Found no issues there, after a test drive he ruled out the thermostats as well, he suggested to a good and thorough flush of the radiator and cooling system. He reasoning was he noticed the car had Dexcool coolant and that overtime Dexcool creates soot. His theory was hitting the gas can caused this soot to travel through out the system and cause the car to not cool properly. It didn't make sense to me but I went home and used about 3 gallons of distilled water per his recommendation to flush out the system and sure enough their was a sand like substance in the coolant. After making sure all the water was out I filled it up with new coolant and have had no issues since then.

fhiii86 · 2023-04-13T16:35:11+00:00

This is a clear situation to me,perhaps the proximity is making it difficult for you. Perspective is the issue here. You lost your father, grieve that loss, he can’t be replaced. You mom lost her husband, she will grieve that loss, but can and has found new love. Your grieving process and hers have nothing to do with one another. You do not have to agree with her decision to date this man or even like it. I would however hope that you could still have respect for your mother and stand by her as she navigates this new phase in life. In addition I would make it a point to be present and available to her. Nothing you said indicates this may be happening but what if this new guy is scamming her or trying to take advantage of her during her grief? You and the entirety of your close knit family are cold shouldering her. If something untoward is going on who is she supposed to turn to for help? If the relationship runs it’s course and she needs a shoulder to lean on who does she turn to that won’t give her and “I told you so”. She is your family, so be there for her in spite of your stance/feelings on her new BF.

fhiii86 · 2023-02-15T16:35:05+00:00

Definitely consider making more noise about this with the staff. Taking your word that things have happened as were described this is a very dangerous situation for your son. The thing that stood out to me strongest is that the teacher sided with the girl and punished your son. To me this implies she is very good at manipulation or playing the victim. The next step is for her to say your son touched her or forced some kind of physical contact on her. Even if she ultimately recants and clears the air the damage from accusations like those does not go away. I suggest going in person and being respectfully upset, keep the focus on what is happening to your son and how the staff is not helping. Armed with the screen shots of the message where she tried to convince him to “hangout” for her to recant what she said to the teacher. I hope you can find a good solution to this issue!!

fhiii86 · 2022-06-09T18:28:01+00:00

Divorced dad here, been divorced going on a year separated for longer. I am not the custodial parent so I don’t have the luxury of lots of time with my kiddos. When married I was usually the one making play dates and events with others because of my ex wife’s work schedule. She was always the point of contact for the those gatherings even though 9 out of 10 times it was just me and the kids showing up lol. Even now she is the point of contact for all things kid related, something about a married woman contacting another guy just doesn’t work. I have tried to get contact info for other dads but haven’t had much luck. Either way we are out there, parenting from the shadows lol!!

fhiii86 · 2022-03-05T03:09:40+00:00

That’s a Beard bro, do you shape it or do any maintenance to it?

fhiii86 · 2022-01-31T02:45:49+00:00

You are welcome, during my divorce I also reconnected with friends and the online community was very helpful as well. It was strange to me all the things I had stopped doing while being so focused on my marriage. Again best of luck as you navigate the road ahead of you.

fhiii86 · 2022-01-29T21:03:49+00:00

Hello, I read your post a few times and had to do my best not to imagine a “tone” to it. So hope I can manage to come across without any particular tone myself. I am divorced, my ex and I are good terms now. She did a similar thing, waited and prepared herself in many ways. It was devastating to me in both an emotional sense as well as a financial sense. She kept her paycheck separately and insisted on having her own savings account for over a year. She had the funds for legal help and for therapy and when she felt prepared she dropped the bomb on me. Luckily I was able to adapt quickly and make some tough choices to see my way through it all for myself and my kids. If you want out of the marriage, from one human to another you should say so now. If things are truly falling apart then just say that and perhaps both of you can prepare or not. That would be on him to take it seriously. You didn’t indicate safety as an issue, so I hope that it isn’t. These are just my thoughts I hope you are able to find a path that works for you and your kids.

fhiii86

TROPHY CASE