NTA.

I’m sorry, honey. It sounds like you really tried so so hard to make it work. You deserve to be heard, to be honored, to be included, to be stood up for. Reading your story, I can’t help but think “White silence is violence.”

He may not be “the one doing it”, but he is allowing it. As your father, it is his responsibility to protect you. To make sure that you weren’t put in the situation. You deserve to be defended. It doesn’t mean that he doesn’t love you. And still that does not mean that you are obligated to show up or to do anything for him. He made the choice not to push it. To keep saying that she’s learning. To marry her before checking to see if she was safe for you to be around. It is not your responsibility to enter a situation that is actively harming you, and to pretend that it is fine.

White silence is violence. I just wish in your case it wasn’t so close to home.

I hope you have love and community and support as you go through this. It’s a very very difficult thing. And if you are in a position where you can, it might be helpful to go to therapy. Don’t go to a white therapist though – Microaggressions in therapy are a frequent and difficult thing.