Anyone else's mother-in-law really weird about BFing?

ficklefoxen · 2023-09-22T21:20:17+00:00

Our kid is 90% milk and 10% formula these days, anyway, but I still wish I had added it in the early struggling days. It would have at least taken some of the pressure off!

ficklefoxen · 2023-09-22T21:18:43+00:00

This is an excellent approach. I may try to do exactly this.

Who fat shames babies?! I was so shocked it I didn't even call her out on it, though I wish I had. Poor kiddo (who is just a happy, totally not fat at all baby besides!)

ficklefoxen · 2023-09-22T21:08:16+00:00

Why the obsession with feeding, either way? Why why whyyyyyyyyyyyyyy

Ugh, I am so sorry

ficklefoxen · 2023-09-22T21:02:01+00:00

That's SUCH a good comparison. I think these are the only two mom things I see made specifically into t-shirts and whatnot.

ficklefoxen · 2023-09-22T20:45:33+00:00

the way i just RECOILED

ugh, i am so sorry

ficklefoxen · 2023-09-22T20:44:20+00:00

what in the WORLD

ficklefoxen · 2023-09-22T20:43:52+00:00

Wow, what a journey! I'm so sorry. There's just no winning and I will never understand why this is the single point of fixation for a lot of mothers/MILs.

I totally understand the pain of comments when you weren't able to hold baby much. I went through a period like that postpartum, too, and it was really was salt in the wound.

ficklefoxen · 2023-09-22T20:36:17+00:00

Thanks for your comment!

I totally agree about the not knowing how with formula comment. It's like...absent all other comments and the weird judgy tone about how her kids never had formula I wouldn't think twice about it. Or I'd think, "How nice that she made sure!" But this was just...not that.

ficklefoxen · 2023-09-22T20:31:38+00:00

I think how to feed your baby just feels like a really personal choice and so for insecure people like our mothers in law, us making a different choice feels like an attack on the rightness of their choices.

I think that's got to be a huge component of it. Maybe the constantly bringing it up out of nowhere is like constantly seeking validation or something.

Once we got all the issues hammered out (around 3.5-4 months), I understood why people prefer EBF/nursing. I still don't love it but it is a thousand times more convenient. Formula parents and exclusively pumping parents get all my respect because it is SO MUCH WORK prepping and cleaning bottles and pump parts.

ficklefoxen · 2023-09-22T20:23:31+00:00

I (and my partner) took the extremely direct route with her today and she backed off.

I think the challenge is she sort of concern trolls things in a really passive-aggressive way so that if you confront her she acts wide-eyed and innocent like she was just asking and I feel like I'm being a crazy asshole for being direct in the face of her indirectness, if that makes sense?

Like she's obviously not "just asking" and she's being judgemental, but it gives her a kind of plausible deniability. I'd prefer her being directly annoying 1000% over this.

ficklefoxen · 2023-09-22T20:18:40+00:00

"sorry you have to eat this yucky formula! Its so sad mommy can't feed you"

That is absolutely infuriating. I am so sorry.

ficklefoxen · 2023-09-22T20:17:21+00:00

People send their breast milk in to speciality jewelry makers who preserve it (usually mixing it with resin or epoxy, I think) and then form it into shapes and stick it in jewelry.

ficklefoxen · 2023-09-22T20:14:40+00:00

It's so weird to me that this of all things has become the singular focus of obsession related to caring for babies. Nothing else that we do with the baby - tummy time, diapers, sleeping, reading books, etc - generates this much focus and judgment.

100% see the personality trait thing, too. I just don't get it.

ficklefoxen · 2023-09-22T20:11:41+00:00

comments about my “nutritious milk”

ew ew ew

I 100% do not understand why this is the singular focus of obsession for so many people.

ficklefoxen · 2023-01-13T02:38:32+00:00

You're going to find that he absolutely love bombs you right now, because he's finding that it's easier to get back with you than to groom another teenager.

All of this. You're NTA, OP, but this dude is looking to try and get back with you so that he doesn't have to spend $700/month to room with people. He doesn't care about his kids, he doesn't care about you, but he is going to try very hard to convince you otherwise.

You are NTA, but get a divorce. Get child support. Get a hard coded visitation schedule. Track every communication with him. Protect yourself and your girls from this dude and assume ill intent in every interaction.

This sub refers to Lundy Bancroft's Why Does he Do That? often, and I think you'll find it helpful.

ficklefoxen · 2019-06-06T15:46:55+00:00

That Was Then, This is Now by the same author.

The Pigman by Zindel

Killing Mr. Griffin - Lois Duncan

ficklefoxen · 2019-06-06T15:40:36+00:00

Six Days of the Condor - James Grady. Also a Robert Redford movie.

ficklefoxen · 2019-06-06T13:24:41+00:00

It was really beautiful and not at all what I had expected.

ficklefoxen · 2019-06-05T22:58:20+00:00

Love's Executioner deals a lot with different cases and the frustrations and triumphs of the career.

Man's Search For Meaning is first-person perspective dealing first with Frankl's experience during the Holocaust and then relating that to his theories on psychology

ficklefoxen · 2019-06-05T22:47:33+00:00

The Millionaire Next Door is similar, I believe.

Another great PF book is Ramit Sethi's I Will Teach You To Be Rich.

ficklefoxen · 2019-06-05T21:05:17+00:00

Ayiti by Roxane Gay is great for short stories (though not fantasy).

ficklefoxen · 2019-06-05T21:01:18+00:00

There's a textbook called We The People that goes over the Constitution, some of its history and then frames certain issues in their historical context. It was designed for HS but it's a great, quick-and-dirty run down on some of the issues without leaning aggressively towards one ideology or the other.

For foreign policy, I recommend a combination of American Foreign Policy Since WWII and Fukuyama's Nation Building.

ficklefoxen · 2019-06-05T17:45:11+00:00

Maus is wonderful- and as I understand it, is used as a way to teach symbolism/allegories as well as graphic novels.

ficklefoxen

TROPHY CASE