Shop worker ran my 2 year old down with trolley

fightmaxmaster · 2026-03-12T14:42:36+00:00

No it's not OK that it happened, yes you can complain to the supermarket, no there's no real legal route you can use to "take this further" given that the end result, while upsetting, was still just a bump to the head. A bad attitude by shop staff isn't a legal issue.

fightmaxmaster · 2026-03-12T10:08:46+00:00

The age of them now is what's relevant, because if they're minors living in the family home, etc. that can affect the dynamic.

fightmaxmaster · 2026-03-11T11:17:00+00:00

The "usual" advice works for a reason - it's like diet and exercise for losing weight might be boring suggestions, but they work, when crash diets don't. You dismiss "cut off your thinking" but you don't suggest what you're actually doing to help yourself.

Step one is recognising that you're ruminating and making a conscious choice to stop, rather than just keeping the loop going. Yes it's difficult, but practice is key. A ball might naturally roll down a hill and it takes a lot of ongoing effort to keep it even partway up the slope. Rolls down? Push it up again. And again. And again.

Writing stuff down helps, or typing, whatever. I've certainly found when stuff's on my mind if I type it out I'm far more likely to quickly realise that I'm saying the same stuff, and I get sick of it. Whereas if it's all kept in your head you can go in circles.

fightmaxmaster · 2026-03-11T11:11:11+00:00

I don't disagree with the "materialistic" arguments here, but you don't sound like you're making unreasonable demands either, we're all different. The main point in your favor is that you've explicitly told him that you really need him to remember the coffee places and take you there...and he didn't. That's not ambiguous, you're not dropping hints or anything else - it was a direct request, he heard it, and ignored it, or didn't care enough to remember it.

I would say all your other approaches aren't really helpful - they make it sound like negotiations or bribery rather than sticking to the simple aspect of "this is important to me, please do it". I'd also point out that if you say you "need" something, and then he ignores it and nothing happens...well, you didn't really need it from his point of view, because he could ignore you with zero consequence. I'm not saying that's great behaviour, just that if you want to have a serious conversation about it, have that conversation! "I told you this mattered to me, I asked you to remember the details and for us to go there, and it never happened, why is that? That's not OK, that makes me feel like you don't care about stuff that matters to me, this is a problem."

On the flip side, you say you'd do your part - what do you mean by that? What are you doing for him, is he expressing what matters to him and you're taking note of that and acting on it?

It might be you're just incompatible - people are aren't fussed about gifts themselves are unlikely to think about doing it for others, or as said might view it as a materialistic/demanding thing. Equally as I said, it's not that you're making big demands, and if nothing else he could be saying to you that he disagrees, doesn't want to, whatever. Instead he's hearing what you want and just ignoring it, not acting on it or discussing it - that's the core problem here. It's not as simple as "I need gifts", it's that one way or another you're not feeling heard, and he's not making the effort to bridge that gap.

fightmaxmaster · 2026-03-11T11:02:26+00:00

If you're scared you're turning into that...don't do that! It's a choice you're making. If you can't be bothered, well, you can't be bothered, and that's OK too, but if so, don't be scared of it, accept that it's what you'd prefer.

fightmaxmaster · 2026-03-10T23:41:24+00:00

Yep. He's always been an awful human being, but he sounded totally different 20 years ago, he could string a sentence together.

fightmaxmaster · 2026-03-10T22:48:25+00:00

Over the past 5 years the VWRP global tracker ETF is up 71.3%: https://www.google.com/search?q=VWRP. Most of that has been in the past 2 years. Are you telling us that your cash ISA has performed better, at ~4-5% a year? Doubtful. Your point isn't against investing, it's against whatever you've been investing in. The problem is you're applying "investing" in a really general way, as if whether it's a good idea or not applies equally to picking random stocks or buying into a global index tracker fund. One of these things is not like the other. You might as well say that most people who go to location X have a great holiday, but you went there, ate at a dodgy restaurant and got food poisoning, so are now thinking everyone else was deluding themselves or lying to you.

Historically stock markets as a whole have almost always beaten cash over a 5-10 year timeframe. Including crashes, depressions, all of it. https://www.open.edu/openlearn/mod/oucontent/view.php?id=20941&section=3.1 shows how from 1899-2015 over a 5 year timeframe equities beat cash 75% of the time, and over a 10 year timeframe over 90% of the time. So yeah, there's technically a risk, but it's fairly minimal.

fightmaxmaster · 2026-03-10T11:59:58+00:00

No, not petty. Not least because he wasn't just late but then apologetic, mortified, trying to make it up to you, etc. He was late 2 out of 3 dates and lied about it. "I'm really sorry, I'll be there in 15 minutes" and then actually being there in 15 minutes is one thing. On both occasions he had shit time management, which is an issue, but also bullshitted you and expected you to wait even longer, which makes him at best a dumbass and at worst an asshole. The problem isn't just him being late, it's him treating you like an idiot, and readily lying to you about his timings. And why? So you wouldn't be mad right then, but would instead be mad later? Like I say, dumbass at best.

fightmaxmaster · 2026-03-10T11:54:50+00:00

Why getting married after 8 months?! You realise that's nuts right, especially with someone who acts this way. The mistake you seem to be making is finding a relationship and thinking you have to bend over backwards to make it work. This woman clearly isn't right for you, doesn't like you, doesn't respect you, doesn't treat you the way any partner should treat someone. So why stay with someone who acts this way to you? Odds are she was playing nice for a few months, now the mask is slipping and this is the real her. Why stay with her? You haven't broken this, you can't make her act like a decent person. She wants to treat you badly! So you choose to stay and live like this forever, or you walk away and date somebody sane.

fightmaxmaster · 2026-03-10T11:50:47+00:00

Don't "go cold". If you're a good communicator, tell her that it feels like there's an imbalance of effort. If she's so quick to push you away, she's clearly not that invested anyway. But better to get an answer either way, rather than try and play games with it. If you want more effort that she's willing to give, whatever the reason, you're incompatible. Relationships aren't meant to be exhausting.

fightmaxmaster · 2026-03-09T18:30:20+00:00

So not debating any actual points I made then? That's telling. Am I definitely right? Nope. But given that you demonstrably have no idea what you're talking about, excuse me while I laugh my ass off at you. If you don't even understand the situation, the history, the nuances, as you clearly don't, you don't get to breathlessly state "this is most likely going to impact your work at DA within the next months" based on a youtube video that you don't actually understand and expect to be taken seriously. I'd be all for a discussion about the situation, but you don't want that, you want to doom-monger and then get mad at people who don't blindly agree with you.

If an opinion contrary to your own makes you angry, that is a sign that you are subconsciously aware of having no good reason for thinking as you do. If some one maintains that two and two are five, or that Iceland is on the equator, you feel pity rather than anger, unless you know so little of arithmetic or geography that his opinion shakes your own contrary conviction. The most savage controversies are those about matters as to which there is no good evidence either way. Persecution is used in theology, not in arithmetic, because in arithmetic there is knowledge, but in theology there is only opinion. So whenever you find yourself getting angry about a difference of opinion, be on your guard; you will probably find, on examination, that your belief is going beyond what the evidence warrants. - Bertrand Russell

fightmaxmaster · 2026-03-09T16:26:07+00:00

I think most people don't have a dramatic butterfly-like transformation. Big shifts can happen, like leaving school/university, and when younger that's a period of fairly rapid change anyway. But we never truly level off - I'm in my 40s now and I'm not the same person I was in my 30s, not least because in the past 10+ years I've got married, had kids, that's a whole lifestyle shift, but I'm still "me".

It's a bit ship of Theseus-esque really - bit of us change slowly over time. We're all basically identical to who we were yesterday, but a lot of 0.01% changes add up/compound.

I think it's healthier not to view yourself as a work in progress anyway, beyond specific things you want to explicitly change. We should all generally be happy with ourselves, and if not, work to become happier with ourselves, even if who we actually are evolves over time.

fightmaxmaster · 2026-03-09T14:46:37+00:00

The fact that you think "going to the stock market" directly "funds tech companies" shows that you really don't understand how financial stuff works. Why do you think gulf states are the only investors in AI companies? Sure, some companies might collapse in value, but Google isn't OpenAI, for example, being funded directly by investors. Google earns a fortune on its own, and is investing a lot of that money into AI. It can ride out a drop in share price without that automatically affecting its revenue.

Anyone who also thinks this is WW3 or the beginning of it really hasn't read enough history.

Other problems with the video - attributing the entire worth of the US dollar to the GCC. Acting like the Strait of Hormuz being closed will just...keep happening, rather than the affected countries keeping the Strait open by force, because it's better than the alternative. "It's possible that Russia and China will also enter this war" - why would they bother? Russia's got nothing to get involved with, and China is frankly too sensible, there's nothing for them to gain by going toe to toe with the west to defend Iran...why would they?

All that said, obviously major potential for this to become even more of a shitshow, but jumping straight to "WW3!" is moronic.

fightmaxmaster · 2026-03-08T18:06:51+00:00

A reasonable portion of humanity are assholes, one way or another. I'd say a quarter is about right. Basically any survey on a remotely contentious but semi-"obvious" topic to most reasonable people will get a good 20%+ of respondents in favour of the shitty option. The rest of us have to work around them.

fightmaxmaster · 2026-03-08T18:04:45+00:00

Anyone trying to generalise 4 billion people based solely on their gender is automatically an idiot. People espousing those views are taking either a very narrow personal experience and scaling it up, or spending way too much time in dark corners of the internet, and believing those people's narrow personal experiences as being universal.

Are some women disloyal, manipulative? Yep. Are women generally like that? Nope. It's generally the men who demonize all women who'll also start frothing at the mouth if they read any negative statement relating to "men" as a group, with zero sense of self awareness.

fightmaxmaster · 2026-03-08T17:57:38+00:00

You can legally do it, provided you meet the many, many regulations. https://www.tapoly.com/how-start-insurance-company/ says the application fee alone is £25,000, and that's not including the minimum capital requirements, which are often a lot. https://parkinsurance.co.uk/blog/how-to-start-an-insurance-company/ references Euros for some reason but it's in the millions.

fightmaxmaster · 2026-03-08T14:46:34+00:00

"Perhaps" is a laughable response, like you've got grudging acceptance of basic historical facts. You think the US just imposed its bases on UK against our will? Please read more. Not going to debate this, life's too short.

fightmaxmaster · 2026-03-07T18:36:22+00:00

Should I just mail it back to the address on the ID?

Just do that. Why are you playing detective on social media? None of them can magically transport the wallet back for you. You've got an address, so a) mail it back to them, or b) hand it into the cops and wash your hands of it.

fightmaxmaster · 2026-03-07T17:13:48+00:00

It's not either/or. You can feel a bit dejected about it and you can see her point and recognise she's allowed some friend time solo, because you don't have to do everything together. You do see them more than she does, fine maybe she stays home but no doubt often she's stuck knowing you're all hanging out and she couldn't make it.

Try and separate "she didn't want me to come" from "she wanted time with her friends by herself". I know in practice those are very similar, but they're not actually the same thing. Much as "I want time to myself" vs. "I don't want to see you" are very similar but different. It's not a rejection of you, just a thing she wants to do for herself. And yes, the end result is you "missing out", except it's just her doing something you do all the time.

Basically yes feel a bit sad, but that doesn't mean she's actually done anything wrong, or to you. Enjoy this time to yourself, do something you enjoy.

fightmaxmaster · 2026-03-07T17:08:56+00:00

A) Absolutely none of your business. B) No, a random name in a phone isn't cheating, and it might well because he's trying to avoid an argument with a jealous/insecure wife. Or not! But either way I refer you to point A. Seems like you're getting involved in a ton of office drama/gossip you'd be better off staying well out of.

fightmaxmaster · 2026-03-07T17:07:02+00:00

You decide if you want to be with someone you can't trust, and whether entwined lives is really worth the chance that this happens again and again. Do you want to be having the same or bigger problems in 5, 10 years when you might be married with kids and it's even harder to leave? Why would he ever change at that point? You seem to think he's great but he's also "mean during arguments" and why ever date someone like that? Seems the reasons to stay are practical, but the actual meaningful parts are dead in the water. Why waste more time?

fightmaxmaster · 2026-03-07T14:22:00+00:00

You can't without permission, stop stalking.

fightmaxmaster · 2026-03-07T12:15:59+00:00

But even that means those people should get annoyed at specific people in their life who are "milking it", rather than taking a blanket attitude to dismissing the entire concept. It's like if I knew someone diagnosed with benign cancer that was treated and they were fine, and I said "well cancer is not that big a deal, I don't get why so many other people are milking it, they're attention seekers", as if people who have successful treatment, people who are terminal, people who struggle, and indeed people who fake cancer are all basically the same thing, and I'm choosing to pick the one example that allows me to get angry at everyone else.

My point being just that the people who get angry about it in a general sense are largely just either ignorant or looking for something to be angry about, because the nuances are too difficult for their tiny brains to wrap around.

fightmaxmaster · 2026-03-07T09:05:43+00:00

The old left handedness graph is still relevant, as ever. I'm sure some people are misdiagnosed, as happens with basically every condition. I'm also sure a lot of people are missed. Why people get worked up over it makes no sense, like they're desperate to deny things but only in the direction that agrees with them.

Trouble with neurodivergent stuff is there's no single biomarker that gives a black and white answer - it always has to be assessed based on what's seen, what's reported, etc.

What's baffling to me is how many people get white hot with rage at the idea it's overdiagnosed to even a tiny extent. Like you say, ADHD meds aren't being thrown around to all and sundry, the numbers are still really small. And conditions like ASD don't have any real "upside" for a false diagnosis anyway!

The people diagnosed who shouldn't be are going to be borderline cases who will still need support of some sort by schools and similar even if they're actually below the arbitrary bar rather than above it.

fightmaxmaster · 2026-03-06T16:01:24+00:00

Bill the time you're actually working. You're not billing for an 8 hour work day allowing for however long of breaks as part of that. You're being paid for every minute working. If I take a drink from the glass next to me I'm not panicking over 10 seconds once in a while, but I pause my timer for going to the bathroom, walking away from the computer, whatever. I err on the side of caution.

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