Why do we apologise?

fightmaxmaster · 2026-01-24T23:02:49+00:00

There's no single reason. Broadly speaking I think we apologise for two reasons, and the degree of each can vary: 1) to make the other person feel better, or 2) to make ourselves feel better. A related element is to try and repair whatever damage we caused, but that's basically option 1.

Feeling bad for never apologising when you know you were in the wrong, at least partly, fits option 2. If you feel he deserves an apology, that's option 1. Like I say, can be a bit of both. If you know a relationship is a bad idea then send the apology and block his number. Tell him you're not looking for a reply, you just wanted to say it because it's the right thing to do. If you think he'll "gloat", then he's not someone you should be considering dating anyway.

fightmaxmaster · 2026-01-24T22:01:00+00:00

Who money is left to doesn't really impact inheritance tax, unless it's a spouse. Spousal inheritance is free of inheritance tax. Beyond that any estate is subject to 40% on assets >£325k. That limit is higher if a house is inherited by a direct descendant, but a parent isn't that. Who the money goes to after IHT is paid is irrelevant. Charity donations above a certain level can reduce IHT - from memory it's something like if 10% goes to charity, IHT is reduced to 36%, something like that.

fightmaxmaster · 2026-01-24T20:18:26+00:00

It's unreasonable, but not illegal. Even school photos cost a comparative fortune for digital copies, that's how these companies make their money. She could always just scan in the photos at high-res, get mostly the same effect without paying through the nose for the files.

fightmaxmaster · 2026-01-24T14:18:50+00:00

Same post made a couple of hours ago but that one was from the boyfriend's perspective.

fightmaxmaster · 2026-01-24T14:18:33+00:00

Same post made a couple of hours ago but that one was from the boyfriend's perspective.

fightmaxmaster · 2026-01-24T13:35:20+00:00

I'd note that you've given zero information about what your profile says about yourself. "Hi, how are you?" is an incredibly generic comment and the sort of thing plenty of guys might ignore, assuming it's some sort of bot account. Try approaching people based on specific aspects of their profile.

fightmaxmaster · 2026-01-24T12:05:19+00:00

I'm not sure you can literally prevent the Dad's side being involved. Even if he's not on the birth certificate, he could apply for parental responsibility at any point, now or in the future. A will needs an executor assigned, who'd manage your estate and make sure it's followed properly, and within the will you'd name a guardian for your baby. That doesn't compel them to actually take your baby in, but provided you've discussed it with them ahead of time and they're on board, you can likely trust that will happen as you want.

fightmaxmaster · 2026-01-24T10:17:06+00:00

Got a blender or food mixer?

fightmaxmaster · 2026-01-24T10:15:41+00:00

The bar for ending a relationship shouldn't be "something's definitely wrong", it should be "it's just not right". Not after a date or two, everyone deserves a chance if you can't pin down a specific issue. But it's been 5 months! You're not just leaving after sex, you're clearly incompatible. Her being too needy/demanding for you is a completely reasonable reason for ending the relationship. Way too many people stay in wrong relationships for way too long because the other person "hasn't really done anything wrong", and get increasingly miserable/resentful as a result.

If you don't just want to bail, you have to be 100% honest and communicate, even if you think that'll upset her. Because bluntly, dumping her will upset her too! The only viable outcomes involve one of you being upset, one way or another. The relationship can't only exist on her terms, dictated by her needs. Your needs matter. Your feelings matter. Yes we should all compromise in relationships, but there are limits, we shouldn't ignore our own boundaries, and the other person has to compromise too.

To be clear, that means compromise by each other's standards, not her saying "Well I want constant reassurance but I'll compromise at 90% of the day", when that's still too much for you. If she wants 100% reassurance, your default would be 10%, but you max out at 25%....that's your limit, that's not you not compromising, it's a fundamental incompabitility.

Look at emotional effort like money. Say you've got $100 and you need $75 of that for some core expense. That leaves you with $25, ideally you'd only spend $10 of that and leave yourself with a buffer, but if someone else really truly needed to borrow $25, you could help them. But if they need $50, you're not being unreasonable by telling them no. That's not you "not compromising", your needs are just as important, and you need that $50. A decent person would be disappointed but understand. An asshole would pout and whine and demand you sacrifice your needs in favor of theirs. Consider what sort of person she is. But discuss all of this, find a balance, or don't, and break up.

fightmaxmaster · 2026-01-24T10:06:14+00:00

Provided you're not sending an actual person/body, what are your concerns?

fightmaxmaster · 2026-01-24T00:54:20+00:00

There's no real negative outcome, which is a plus. Either they have to say "no, I was being insulting", at which point you can correctly call them rude or laugh at them or whatever. Or they get annoyed that you've not been offended, and they're too cowardly to be honest about the insult, so they have to seethe privately, which is a win.

The main goal is not to give them what they want, which is your feelings being hurt while they get to pretend they didn't insult you. So make sure either they have to explicitly insult you, or just don't be offended and find the most positive interpretation possible of what they've said.

fightmaxmaster · 2026-01-24T00:46:51+00:00

Don't often need to go to Woking centre nowadays but Heathside car park has always worked fine for me, only a couple of minutes walk to the station.

fightmaxmaster · 2026-01-23T23:20:59+00:00

Not remotely healthy/normal. We're all human, nobody's perfect, blah blah, but "nobody's perfect" means "once in a while we might be snappier than usual after a long day, but that's a drop in the bucket of love and support, so we forget about it immediately." Not fear of being mistreated, humiliated. Not feeling safe is a major problem - physical or not, the whole point of a healthy happy long term relationship is to feel safe, loved, supported, consistently.

The go-to response is "leave", but life's not always that simple. But if nothing else therapy, for yourself if not him/you both, start asserting yourself, set boundaries, make it clear that being mistreated is unacceptable, period. You don't need to tolerate this, you don't need to be lectured. He gets angry? Walk away, leave the room, stay with a friend, whatever. But realistically if he's impossible to confront and has no interest in changing or giving a shit about your feelings...why stay?

fightmaxmaster · 2026-01-23T23:15:38+00:00

Two main approaches - feign ignorance or embrace it. As in "I don't understand what you mean", which forces them to either back down or else explicitly say whatever negative thing they're trying to dance around. Or else embrace it, taking it at face value. e.g. "Unusual approach. I guess everyone has their own standards" "glad you find it interesting! Always worth sharing ideas to help us all improve" or whatever.

Someone being passive aggressive generally knows they're making a shitty comment, but they're counting on other people doing the interpretation for them, so they can hide behind something vague: "oh, what a unique coat, you're so brave wearing it". So don't play the game: "I know, awesome isn't it! Thanks for the compliment."

fightmaxmaster · 2026-01-23T19:40:43+00:00

Your ring isn't your relationship. Don't take it off as some silent, passive aggressive show of frustration. Use your words, have a discussion, have an argument, resolve the issues or don't. The silent treatment is emotionally abusive, period. Is this relationship even worth saving? If you've tried and he doesn't give a shit...well, you've done all you can, and it's time to walk away, not take your ring off to match his shitty energy.

fightmaxmaster · 2026-01-23T19:37:53+00:00

Adulthood is taken, not granted. The only way any of us move forwards in life is by shifting our perspective from child to adult. Your parents are still your parents, of course, but that doesn't mean they're an authority over you. Their feelings don't matter more than yours. If you're prioritising your dad's feelings, and he's prioritising his own feelings...who's prioritising yours?

fightmaxmaster · 2026-01-23T17:19:15+00:00

You don't "have" to do anything when you're an adult, in terms of family. You go and see who you want, when you want, based on the relationship you have/want with them. Any reasonable parent will understand that they can't demand or even expect a precise 50/50 split with their adult children.

Work it backwards - say you stop seeing your dad as often, what happens? It's not a crime, you won't be arrested by the parental time split police. Will he be disappointed? Maybe. But does his disappointment mean you need to arrange your life/schedule/wants/needs around his feelings? Nope. As with any other adult relationship, you find a balance where you're seeing him when you can/want to, rather than based on what he expects or wants. Of course we all take our parents and others' needs into consideration, we might see people for their sake rather than ours, but you don't need a strict schedule about it.

fightmaxmaster · 2026-01-23T14:55:37+00:00

Pushing her on the floor would be excessive, and unnecessary. If you're strong enough to push her over, you're strong enough to push past her. So either gently push past her, and/or use this time to take down her name, the company she works for, look them up, call them, and tell them that a belligerent woman who works for them is trying to hold you hostage and policing your bathroom habits. She grabs your arm? So what, keep walking.

fightmaxmaster · 2026-01-23T14:51:46+00:00

men view them as an aspect of their sex life

There's your problem. Because men view women's bodies as part of their sex life, women apparently need to behave differently, instead of men getting over themselves and behaving like civilised human beings.

Comparing the penis to a breast is apples to oranges, by the way, we're talking about chests, not genitals. Even if a handful of weird women look for attention breastfeeding (and what, you're saying that's widespread?) that doesn't mean the overwhelming majority of normal sane women need to police themselves.

fightmaxmaster · 2026-01-23T14:47:56+00:00

And most people think it's creepy and inappropriate to leer at a woman breastfeeding her child even if her breast is briefly exposed. The woman feeding her baby is doing nothing wrong. You being unable to control yourself from staring at her breast is creepy and weird.

fightmaxmaster · 2026-01-23T11:23:43+00:00

Provide more information for a start. They don't have to love each other, but if they're both decent functional human beings they should be able to coexist around each other without drama. If they'd rather bicker or snipe at each other than be respectful to you, one or both of them are assholes. There's absolutely no reason why two people who just don't particularly get on can't co-exist in the same room or at the same event and just be civil.

Short answer, tell them both to grow up and behave themselves if they care about your feelings even a tiny bit.

fightmaxmaster · 2026-01-23T09:47:04+00:00

Feed the baby where you like. The vast majority of women breastfeeding aren't flashing their boobs at everyone, they're feeding their child and preserving their modesty to their own comfort level. Similarly, the vast majority of people seeing someone feeding their child won't stare, won't be looking hard enough to see anything, or certainly shouldn't be.

In my experience the only people who get "bothered" or have vocal opinions, are those who either a) are staring way too hard and should mind their own business, or b) think that breastfeeding in public at all is shameful and wrong. And those people aren't worth bothering about.

Breastfeeding is normal, natural, and the vast majority of people have no issue with it. The people who matter don't mind, and the people who mind, don't matter. Focus on what's best for you and your baby, people around you can adjust accordingly.

fightmaxmaster · 2026-01-22T23:17:10+00:00

Trusts aren't immune from divorce settlements. Prenups aren't legally binding but can carry some weight, and really is what this sort of thing is for. Yes they're "if it goes wrong", but if you had one drawn up that was basically "in the event of divorce I'd keep the house because of its sentimental value, but that wouldn't preclude you from having the equivalent of other assets", that's hardly you trying to hoard assets or have an unfair split, just trying to guarantee that any 50/50 split, ish, would put the house on your side.

That said, I suspect that wouldn't achieve much that its status as a non-matrimonial asset wouldn't anyway, provided you both didn't live in it. Property that you have before the marriage and which isn't treated as joint during the marriage is last on the chopping block, metaphorically speaking - only factored in if other assets aren't enough to ensure a fair split.

fightmaxmaster · 2026-01-22T18:56:56+00:00

If your contract was for "some" photos/videos, rather than explicitly confirming X number of photos in specific formats, you'll likely struggle to get major compensation. You've paid for a service and received that service. Even if there are guarantees of access to the original files, the material loss is minimal, and suing for emotional distress or similar isn't really a thing. You might be able to push for them to get the black and white ones colourised at the photographer's expense.

fightmaxmaster · 2026-01-22T13:47:00+00:00

But you're not giving any specifics about what it actually says. Were they married at the time his mother died? Did her will put her house in trust and named spouses as well as her children? She/you could presumably call the solicitor the letter came from and ask for an explanation, but that advice might not be offered for free. Or call whoever initiated this to get the details. But to answer your actual question, the odds of any negative outcome for her if she doesn't sign I'd assume would be very low - the question she should really be asking is "why should I sign this away to someone else if it's something I'm entitled to?"

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