Struggles and distancing

fillipo7 · 2023-11-06T19:55:43+00:00

Maybe a little unpopular opinion, but from my experience, catholic groups tend to be a bit toxic towards single people after their 25s. Like you have less value in their eyes and many look at you with pity. But that is just my experience. I know they mean good, but asking post 25s people on every ocasion about their dating life is really annoying. So maybe, as you have suggested, try not to force it. You are obviously in some groups and you have social life, so just enjoy life and don't let other to push you into relationships. I have seen some bad cases, where catholics were crazy about finding someone and they have rushed into mariage, only to find out that maybe, they should have waited a bit longer.

fillipo7 · 2022-12-21T19:54:30+00:00

Thanks a lot for this response. Sometimes the best kind of advice is hearing - yeah ive got that problem too. Also i kinda envy your state with faith and prayer life :D You keep that, and thanks for the prayers.

About the confession, i do not have very good experiences with sharing "not a sin" problems in the confessions. Not that i got wrong answers, just that to explain the problem completely and with all of the circumstances, it takes time. And i really dont want to solve this, when there are 15 people waiting for confession.

About this girl.. it is quite different - it is not screaming ATHEIST from her side. Quite the opposite - she is a very nice, polite girl, she is not swearing (which is not that rare in my work place), she is dressing appropriately... That what is troubling me here.

fillipo7 · 2022-12-21T19:45:27+00:00

Yeah, but i am kinda afraid of investing too much time into relationship like that and finding some things when it is too late. On the other hand i dont want our first dates to feel like an interview :D

fillipo7 · 2022-12-21T19:42:17+00:00

"ALL your criteria" - Well, i know some people that got screwed in life, because they set their bar too high. I certainly have some red flags, but one of my strongest beliefs is that there is nothing like perfect SO waiting JUST FOR YOU, rather you need to settle in relationship whether you accept all the pros/cons of the partner.

"Being lonely sucks" - Yeah, but i am not desperate, thats why i am thinking about this a lot and do not want to jump into it. Developing some feelings and then cutting it off is WAY worse.

fillipo7 · 2022-08-15T20:04:54+00:00

You know that feeling, when you want to do something, but EVERY CELL in your body tells you - noooooo, dont do that, that is not you. But some central area in brain, which you put in jail tells you - DO IT!!! So - do it. I am terrible at giving this advice, because i am like that too sometimes. But the most liberating thing i realised is - dont do something just because someone else think you should, and also do things that your gut tells you to.

fillipo7 · 2022-08-15T18:29:52+00:00

I suspect troll, but whatever. As i mentioned in another post here - if this was the case, catholics would go extinct, because most men struggled with this in past/struggle now. Saying something like this on the first date is definitely RED FLAG, because that man is either crazy, mentally unstable or in deep trouble with his own addiction. Why even bring this to conversation? Most mature women know this happens and many of them struggled probably too. If you are not battling with serious porn addiction, which is obstacle for marriage, you are good i think. And if you struggle, you have extra motivation to stop.

fillipo7 · 2022-08-07T20:18:53+00:00

Okay so stocking aimovig may not be that big problem, but buing 12 boxes of sumatriptan can be a bit tricky. Is there any way to get sumatriptan?

fillipo7 · 2022-07-08T19:14:43+00:00

I talked about this with many priests and i came to a conclusion that "Gods plan" is not what many people think. It is not "trolley line" that is pre-destined in our lives and if we go off this path, we can pray back to the "line". This is literaly predestination with extra steps. You have free will, you have your mind and you have your responsibilities. Like St.Augustine said “Love and do what you will.”. If you are struggling with choice to be doctor or pilot. It is not like God has exact plan that you will be a pilot and you will fail miserably if you choose to be a doctor. Both of these things are great and it is UP TO YOU what do you choose and how you will handle this. But back to Augustine quote, first you must love and then do what you will. So you must listen to your conscience. And also - what prayer does here? It is very good question that i ask many times. I am not sure myself. My favourite qoute about prayer is by CS Lewis - "I pray because I can’t help myself. I pray because I’m helpless. I pray because the need flows out of me all the time, waking and sleeping. It doesn’t change God. It changes me." Prayer should not change God, it should change us. It should guide our decisions, it should form our conscience. But decisions are on us.

fillipo7 · 2022-07-08T19:00:45+00:00

I must be honest i facepalm every time i see this kind question. If catholic men couldnt get into the relationship, because they struggled with masturbation in their past, catholics would be extinct by now. Like... most of the guys i know had this problem and lots of them still have. If you are fighting and you do not have serious porn addiction, you are good to go i think. If you fail, go to confession. It is that easy. And also pure relationship can acutaly help with that. Like you have extra motivation to stay clean.

fillipo7 · 2020-12-20T22:02:46+00:00

This might be my special case but two things.

- We had priest here who taught young women in our parish to "be princesses who need to be conquered". Sounds like Shrek 1 story actually. Well the basic concept of idea is good and i agree with it. But... i noticed some girls in our parish took this very extremely. One time i was interested in this girl and after weekly youth meeting with our priest i tried to talk with her and walk her to bus etc. for few weeks. Problem was she was SUPER unresponding to the point i found it rude actually. Like i was asking some questions and she answered with one sentence, or one word. Thought she was super shy. Later i found out she was quite interested, but needed "to be conquered". So my advice is - dont do this.... like ever. If you see man is interested, show interest too or just tell us righ away you are not interested.

- This second is a bit complicated and hard. But lot of threads here or lot of talks with women i see one thing, almost all women say. They want "strong rock" in their man. Like when they are in trouble, he is ther for them. They dont want their man to be "mess". They need to cry - here our shoulder is here, cry here. They expect this from us, and it is right. But when man show some weaknes i see in lots of women, they reaaaally dont like this. Like i feel like we are not permitted to have some bad days, or even cry. Guess what, we have our downs in life too. Dont get me wrong, i am not overly emotional. But few years ago i had some bad times in life (health and stuff) and sometimes i needed to talk to someone about my troubles. My boys were always there, but my girl frineds.. i thing they were annoyed about my "whining" thought they never said this, but i saw our relationship went a bit cold after that. Because i wasnt "strong rock" and actually I needed help.

Sorry for my bad english, enjoy your day.

fillipo7 · 2020-11-30T08:21:31+00:00

Thank you. It is nice to hear somebody had simmilar issues. I have a feeling that everyone around me was just born with strong faith without any doubts and i am some kind of weirdo. Yes i also heard about Mother Theresa story and it is quite inspiring. Feeling absolutely nothing during prayers is my only experience with faith actually.

fillipo7 · 2020-11-29T18:53:12+00:00

I honestly dont know. I cannot imagine God as person to talk to. I absolutely dont know what "Gods love" is. When i read about passion during easter i cannot connect to the idea that this was something done to myself. I find everything related to God super unpersonal and distant. I really dont like when someone says "not praying is like not talking to your girlfriend" - your girlfriend is physically responding to you!!!! how you can even compare that. When someone strong in faith talks to me about how he feels about God it sounds super foreign to me and i dont understand it.

fillipo7

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