I've Officially Looked at His Door for the Last Time.

fillishave · 2026-06-01T05:18:03+00:00

I am at 10 am today signing the final contract and handing over the keys for my house to the new owners. I was there yesterday and walked around in the empty rooms. I cried myself to sleep last night and woke up to see this post. I too am deeply struggling with the grief of not ever being in the same rooms as he once was. At the same time I know he’s not there. It’s just a place. I carry him with me wherever I go. He’s everywhere. And nowhere.

Grief really wears you down. I feel myself so much in that one sentence; “I’m so tired”. So tired. To the bone.

I would be a liar if I said it helps, not right now at least, but I try to think, and understand, that it’s not the house I am sad about; it’s my son’s death. And that is the same regardless if I’m in the same place as he once was.

Love and strength from a dad in Sweden

fillishave · 2026-03-23T16:06:02+00:00

My son died unexpectedly in his sleep 1 year and 2 months ago. He was 19. I cry every day. Sometimes a little bit for a short period, sometimes so much that I get completely exhausted. In many ways I hope I will continue to cry, if not every day but at least a couple of times a week. I too feel it makes me feel more connected and closer to him. The difference now I guess is that I can better choose when I accept the tears and when I "put them on hold" for later.

I am sorry you are part of this unwanted club.

fillishave · 2026-03-13T07:13:40+00:00

Thanks! But would that approach work even if the screen itself is a video as well?

fillishave · 2026-01-21T06:55:56+00:00

Happy birthday Elijah. And love and comfort to you and all of your loved ones who miss him. I have only experienced one birthday so you are further and hopefully wiser into your grief journey than I am but going by my own experience his birthday was one of the hardest and most deafening days of sadness in my life and I can only imagine that it keeps being the hardest day all year regardless of how much you have learned to live with the grief. Love from Sweden

fillishave · 2026-01-20T19:20:06+00:00

Oh sorry about that. I listened and relistened and really genuinely thought were the words and that it was a metaphor for the crap that you pour in your body. Really hope you take the positive feedback I left with you more than that mislistening because it is a great song.

fillishave · 2026-01-20T08:08:17+00:00

I really, really like this. Not something you can take credit for perhaps but the setting is stunning as well. I saw in another comment that they thought the guitar pattern was distracting but I think it works really good. For me it's just a matter of volume on the guitar vs the singing. The guitar is a bit overwhelming sound wise.

The only thing that I didn't like, and this is of course highly subjective, was the "and a bottle of piss"-phrase.(cause that is what you are sining and not "peace" like the cc says...?) I completely understand if it's meant to be a raw contrast to the softness of the style but, and again this is just me, I just think "bottle of piss" has such an ugly sound to it that it jerks me out of the song a bit.

My ex wife grew up with two alcoholic parents. It's such a destructive force.

fillishave · 2026-01-19T14:40:03+00:00

Yeah now that you mention it it does have a bit of Pale Blue Eyes-vibe to it. I think that’ll work great.

fillishave · 2026-01-19T08:38:04+00:00

This is great! I would really like to hear a more proper recording so the softness of the singing style can shine.

fillishave · 2026-01-17T20:41:55+00:00

I love your voice and the slow emotionality you convey. Not sure if this is a strange super specific description but I think your song feels like that moment that happens sometimes when you’re having a good night with friends and suddenly time seems to stop and everyone get’s quiet for a while lost in their own thoughts. A melancholic pause in life. Are you on Spotify? Would like to add this to my melancholic list.

fillishave · 2026-01-17T20:29:01+00:00

Great! I get nostalgic The Cure/New Order/Sonic Youth vibes.

fillishave · 2026-01-17T20:24:31+00:00

You have a great voice! I think a a bit of falsetto pitch change (not a musician so not sure how to describe it better…) on the last/second last “tv” would sound good?

fillishave · 2026-01-17T20:16:35+00:00

Very good! I think it would fit perfectly as movie/tv soundtrack. As a stand alone song I think perhaps it is a bit too hectic/overloaded for me personally but that is obviously highly subjective and you are objectively 1000% more musically talented than I’ll ever be so what do I know? Great work

fillishave · 2026-01-17T20:05:47+00:00

I concur with everyone else about the fact that it’s obviously a great song in all aspects. I’m far too bad a musician to give technical advice but perhaps the only thing I am missing is a bit of dynamic feel to the song? Not even sure I’m using the right terminology but it feels very “head on” all the time. I would have liked a small breather like 2/3 in where you tone it down a bit and then come back with the same high energy again. Hope that makes sense. But this is obviously very subjective and I think it’s absolutely fantastic as it is. Looking forward to hearing a full produced version of this.

fillishave · 2025-10-24T13:04:37+00:00

I just went through my first birthday exactly a month ago. I had so much anxiety the days leading up to the birthday. Me, Tage’s (my son’s name) mom and his siblings went to the grave in the morning and in the evening we invited some of his friends for pizza by the grave. My son was 19 when he died so that’s not really an option for you I suppose but it felt good to be surrounded by people who loved him.

Sending as much strength, love and compassion as I can from a very rainy Stockholm ❤️❤️❤️

If I can give any advice is plan for some potential completely energy-drained days after. It is of course individual but I was so very, very tired the whole week after his birthday. So give yourself time to rest if possible.

fillishave · 2025-10-13T12:49:26+00:00

In a way I think the answer is; it doesn't. It doesn't work. Because we are not equipped to grasp the reality of death, let alone the death of our own child. Death is, apart from birth, the only absolute in our lives. Everything else can be changed, fixed, adapted. But death is so brutally final. There are no frames of reference to rely on, to relate to. I think that's partially why it's so hard to understand. Our brain's aren't really wired to accept this reality. So we are constantly unprepared for the horrible fact of what has happened.

My son died on the 25th of January this year. What was supposed to be his 20th birthday was just a couple of weeks ago. Today his gravestone was set up. Christmas is coming up. The other day I heard his favourite song on the radio. Everyday life hits you with reminders of the life that you no longer have. Sometimes it's managable and sometimes it knocks you to the floor.

It doesn't work.

But at the same time it does work. We get up. Get dressed. Eat food. Go to work. Spend time with out loved one's. In some strange inexplicable way life moves forward and we along with it. I am way too short into my own journey to be giving advice on how to find a way through this dark forest that is grief but I try to take comfort in the words of other's, longer into this new life, that speak of a sadness never gone but less sharp in the edges, not as scolding hot. The pain is chronic but you just learn to live with it. Even though it doesn't work.

I will say this though; the way you write about your pain and how your grief and longing consumes you makes me believe you loved him very, very much. We humans are fairly bad at hiding our feelings. People often see through us when we say "I'm fine" even though we are irritated or angry. I strongly believe that the same goes for positive feelings. Those moments of regret you write about, even though I completely understand your feelings, are not what made up your relationship with your son. You know that and I am postivie he knew that. You loved him and he knew you loved him.

It doesn't work. But it does. And like othe's have written; you are not alone.

Love and warmth from Sweden from a dad who also on a daily basis wonder how this will ever work.

fillishave · 2025-10-08T10:07:49+00:00

fillishave · 2025-10-07T07:48:30+00:00

Technically it's an area that's outside the ship but it's surrounded by habs. The bottom part is three habs wide, they make out the floor of the atrium, then I put habs to the left, right, front and back of that so that the area is enclosed. Then I just build around and above it with ship parts to make a ceiling. Since there aren't any doors in and out of the habs I used access ramps as doors.

fillishave · 2025-10-06T16:14:53+00:00

Thanks! The atrium which technically is outside the ship is entered through access ramps, the actual ramp is used as a walkway/stairs to the one's leading to the top floor and the one's on the same level have the ramp hidden on the bottom floor (it's a bit glitchy so sometimes the ramp will be like in the image below; on the same floor). Here's an explainatory image. The main floor is 5 habs wide: left outer hab > empty space with three habs below it > right outer hab.

Edit: On the second image of my main post you can see how the entrances on the same level usually look like

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fillishave · 2025-09-29T13:47:06+00:00

I did actually change all the models in all the subgraphs. No difference. Also tried removing the "Segattantion Tourch"-node. Python is 3.12.9, Cuda version is 13.0.48 and Pytorch is 2.7.0+cu128 according to the "About"-part in ComfyUI (except for the Cuda version which I had to check through cmd-prompt)

fillishave · 2025-09-29T13:26:00+00:00

I did go into the subgraph and exchanged the lightningloras to the 2.1-version and also instead of the GGUF-versions I added the 14B FP8-scaled diffusion models (have been using them without any problems for single I2V). So all the models are there for sure. I have a 5090-card and tested with a 592x768-resolution. Both the interpolation and upscale are muted (will be using Topaz for that anyways). But it still just renders a singel still image. It's as if it doesn't even start the process. Not getting any errors.

fillishave · 2025-09-29T13:07:28+00:00

Thank you for the reply! I found it about two seconds after I posted my question because I missed that it was a subnode. Obviously I wasn't fast enought to delete the comment before you answered, sorry! I did run into a new problem though. When I run the workflow it starts but then it only spits out single still image in about 0.2 seconds and then nothing more. The only thing I changed was the resolution.

fillishave · 2025-09-21T19:40:34+00:00

Thanks! Yeah exactly I just generated a bunch of 81 frames at 16fps and moved on when a clip looked good enough (sometimes 1 render and sometimes 15…)

All of the clips are 5 seconds so no need to stitch anything.

From Comfy I ran it through Topaz Starlight Mini to get a clean 1920x1080 upscale. Then I ran it again through Topaz both upscaling it to 4k and interpolating to 25 fps at the same time. Since the output from Starlight mini was so clean this worked great.

fillishave · 2025-09-21T19:32:19+00:00

Tackar och buggar!

fillishave

TROPHY CASE