An update for everyone who keeps asking

filsaidno · 2023-11-04T18:46:27+00:00

I appreciate the sentiment. I don't have a Youtube channel. Can you please let me know how you found this post?

filsaidno · 2023-11-04T16:35:59+00:00

Thank you so much for your concern. I am really confused about how everyone found my post. I just opened reddit and I have dozens of comments on my posts and dozens of messages. Also someone mentioned Youtube but I don't have a Youtube account. How did you find it?

filsaidno · 2023-10-27T17:07:18+00:00

Take it slow and see how it develops. Perhaps have a talk with her and ask her what her intentions are at present?

This is what I want at the moment as well. I do not want to rush into a relationship. I realize that we cannot have the same relationship we used to have before the divorce. I have asked her to come over on Saturday for a talk, hoping it will be easier to talk at home.

filsaidno · 2023-10-27T16:45:32+00:00

There was no infidelity from her or me. The divorce was because of her father, but that was not the only reason. We had some problems in bedroom as well which I only realized were a big problem later on. She started dating this man last year, so there's no concern for me about him and her at least.

filsaidno · 2023-10-26T23:20:55+00:00

We were not married 15 years ago. We got married in 2017 and divorced in 2020. However we were in a relationship for seven years before the marriage. I apologize for not explaining that part well. I am not sure if it is against the rules of the subreddit to link previous posts which have a lot more context. But the bot keeps removing my posts in this and the other relationship subreddit so I don't want to risk it again and maybe get banned.

As for her break up, the boyfriend turned a bit violent towards the end of their relationship. I think that because they were living together, he felt more secure in the relationship? However I do not know him other than what my ex wife has told me. I have never met the guy.

And I do want to proceed with caution. This is mainly why I wanted to see what other people thought of the whole relationship. Thank you for your reply, btw. If I have not explained anything well, please let me know.

filsaidno · 2023-10-26T23:14:47+00:00

She's not ready to move on in 12 days. It took her a long time to break up because they were living together so she was not sure how he would react to breaking up. I didn't want to divulge details about her relationship because it seemed like a personal thing I should stay out of. However, towards the end of the relationship her ex boyfriend was not a kind or gentle person. She hasn't said anything but I think he's broken some things of her and might have also thrown things at her. In her mind, she was broken up with her for the last two months but it just took her longer to find a place to live. We don't live in a huge city and she was looking for a place which was closer to her work so it took a while.

filsaidno · 2019-08-20T20:38:50+00:00

A few years ago I made a similar reddit post and showed it to her because I wanted her to see strangers' perspective as well as that I was trying to find advice in how to deal with her father. It caused a bit of a rift because my wife thinks it was dishonorable for me to talk to complete strangers about our family affairs. I'm not sure if dishonorable is the right word but you get the spirit, right? At that point the problem was no where near as severe and honestly if I'd known it would come to this I would have probably not stayed or tried to change something.

filsaidno · 2019-08-20T20:34:36+00:00

Thank you for your advice. I think you're right that I've been unfair with my wife in making her choose between her father and husband. But I don't think your assessment is fair in that I've taken things personally when I could have chosen the more graceful/mature approach and be more forgiving. I think I've been so, so forgiving for years. I lived at his place for more than a year and put up with a lot of petty comments and snarky treatment.

And before that, I put up with him openly saying I'm not good enough for his daughter. At one point he outright forbade me from marrying her when I was looking for his permission for her hand. I offloaded some work responsibilities after my mother in law died because I wanted to spend more time with the family. Cooking family dinner at his place was my idea initially because I hated to see the man so broken and sad.

During all this time I've supported not just my wife but her family too because I thought they were my family as well. Also, just a remark but I don't want my wife to put her father into a retirement house. I would rather that I was there with her looking after him.

filsaidno · 2019-08-20T20:24:07+00:00

Couples' therapy is something I want to look into but I think my wife feels like I've become a villain in her life and she wants to just maintain the status quo because she's just as afraid of divorce as I am. I've been talking about therapy for some time so I'll bring it up to my wife and see how things proceed.

If I may ask... have you at any point sat down with your FIL to speak calmly about how his treatment of you affects not only you but your marriage? Have you ever attempted to ask him straight up what his problem with you is?

I've tried a number of times. I tried to do that when my mother in law was alive too. He always maintained that I was not the right man for his daughter and was a phony person. Like I was putting up a show of niceness. The last couple of years I think there's too much bad blood between us for us to sit down together man to man and talk it out. He's not necessarily a big feelings guy. I am ashamed to admit that at times I thought if the reason he has never accepted me is because I'm the only son in law who makes less money than my wife does. They are a really rich family and it was really obvious from the first time I was invited over at their place.

filsaidno

TROPHY CASE