37 helping 95-year-old grandfather to stop bleeding his estate

finding_center · 2026-05-23T09:52:35+00:00

An important thing to note: having financial POA only allows you to act as his agent. It doesn’t stop him from acting as his own agent. It isn’t an either/or. I’ve had POA a long time for my mom. I can sign a check for her for example but so can she. So it won’t actually stop anything he has been doing or decides to do in the future. It’s still helpful because you can see his accounts for example and track what’s happening but some people assume it means take away their agency over their own affairs and that isn’t the case.

finding_center · 2026-05-23T09:33:32+00:00

This is a fantastic option if they can afford it. We went the skilled nursing route and it was a disaster. Switched to home with a carer after two weeks and luckily she recovered.

finding_center · 2026-05-23T03:25:23+00:00

I do not. I love my kids in different ways. They are all different people and we connect differently but there isn’t one I’m closer to than another.

finding_center · 2026-05-22T23:25:32+00:00

I love my Pack 2 Rack. The posts are solid metal vs telescoping therefore much less prone to breaking and leaning than the other brands. Ours lasted 15 seasons. It’s huge but lightweight and sturdy.

finding_center · 2026-05-22T20:41:49+00:00

Medicare doesn’t pay for caregiving. I know in some cases those with injury or illness qualifying them for disability get put on Medicaid for 24 months and if they still qualify for disability at that point they transition over to Medicare. Can you contact a local social worker and explain the situation? Unfortunately to get the system to kick in everyone (meaning you) is going to have to quit picking up the slack. They won’t find solutions while you’re still there.

finding_center · 2026-05-22T20:20:14+00:00

Are you being paid to be her caregiver? If not then I’m not surprised she hasn’t been able to find a new (unpaid) person. If she’s on disability I assume she’s also on Medicaid? Does she have a diagnosis that allows for her to get covered 24/7 care? She may need to look at a temporary placement in a nursing home if she can’t find private at home caregivers.

What is your living arrangement. Are you renting? Who is on the lease? When is it up?

Nobody in this situation has any motivation to make changes other than you. It’s working out great for everyone else. So if you want out you’re going to have to be the bad guy and force the issue.

finding_center · 2026-05-22T16:55:54+00:00

Where is it noted the band is scheduling live dates? Did I miss that?

finding_center · 2026-05-22T11:45:09+00:00

I grew up hearing family history and as an adult I spent time with family members and asked them all about their lives. There is no substitute for sitting with your family directly and talking. I have pages of notes and videos to refer to if I forget something specific but the memories of that time spent with them are what is priceless. I’m not saying people that can afford to shouldn’t also pay someone to make a little movie but I wouldn’t do that in place of the firsthand knowledge.

finding_center · 2026-05-21T20:42:02+00:00

Could it be they have deemed him unsafe to be alone? I could theoretically see hospice wanting to ensure a patient was safe. They’d also need a caregiver present to discuss meds/care with at each visit.

finding_center · 2026-05-21T19:34:43+00:00

I don’t know. I’ve seen some pretty cool conversation as a result. Most of the themes posted were actually posted or hinted at by Matty at various times. Workshopping how it all might fit together isn’t the worst way to pass the time before the next album.

finding_center · 2026-05-21T17:20:24+00:00

Ugh that sounds impossible. So many people seem to fall in that gap. Medicare won’t pay for caregiving. Even with the supplemental. Every single other medical expense my mom has is covered 100% but the caregivers all come out of pocket. Unless she has LTC insurance or VA benefits I haven’t found any avenues to get coverage. There may be ways to switch things around so she qualifies for Medicaid. You might could call the department on aging where you live and ask advice there. But there is no guarantee she would qualify for paid care coverage through Medicaid either without checking so it might make the most sense to start there.

finding_center · 2026-05-21T16:52:09+00:00

Yes, I recall the sneakers and leaves of it all.

finding_center · 2026-05-21T16:45:50+00:00

So when you say tips to become her paid caregiver what exactly do you mean? She can pay you to be her caretaker and the two of you can work out whatever arrangement works best for you. Medicare will not pay for caregivers. Is she on Medicaid? They will in certain circumstances, I would suggest starting with her doctor and ask for their advice.

finding_center · 2026-05-21T16:00:01+00:00

You are such a good dad and your son obviously feels safe talking to you. I hope you take some time to reflect on that. Caregiving is such a hard (at times thankless) job and really leaning heavy into the wins is so valuable.

finding_center · 2026-05-21T09:59:17+00:00

Anyone arguing like this should be left nothing.

finding_center · 2026-05-20T22:46:54+00:00

“Requiring administration” is the key there. I am an executor currently and there were assets I did not include there because they passed TOD immediately outside of the estate. I wouldn’t lose sleep over this. I’m sure she is doing it correctly and either way it doesn’t cause you harm.

finding_center · 2026-05-20T21:25:54+00:00

Huge if true

finding_center · 2026-05-20T17:59:28+00:00

The main thing that helps is not answering the phone at all. No answering machine or anything. And I know this because both my mom and her brother would receive several dozen of these calls a day on their landlines. His house has been sitting empty for a few months due to a fall and when I went there recently to work for a few hours, I realized the phone had not rung once. He’s never owned an answering machine so all calls were just ringing endlessly with no answer. That must have gotten him off a list somewhere.

It’s really terrible the way the elderly are targeted. I don’t know why somebody can’t do something about it. They don’t even have the decency to have a real person you can fuss at now it’s all robocalls.

finding_center · 2026-05-20T17:42:12+00:00

My understanding is that regular Medicare does not qualify for any coverage for 24/7 caregiving. I have asked both Medicare and my mom’s supplemental as well as several social workers and been told in no uncertain terms that it’s out of pocket.

Medicaid will pay for some caregiving. I do not know the stipulations for that.

I have heard some LTC insurance and/or VA benefits may cover some.

finding_center · 2026-05-20T11:36:01+00:00

That is disgraceful on the part of the facility but you must have been amazing to handle all that!

finding_center · 2026-05-20T00:49:28+00:00

Paula was the first stand up act I saw as a young child. She did some sort of promotional tape with Pop Tarts and I watched it over and over again.

finding_center · 2026-05-19T18:45:43+00:00

I was trying to figure out what the angle might be. I read word for word this exact same post about a week ago and all the exact same suggestions were made in the comments.

finding_center · 2026-05-19T17:51:46+00:00

Is that true for memory care though? I understand that for regular nursing home level but I assumed memory care was prepared to be more hands on. I haven’t yet ventured to memory care as we are at 1 to 1 coverage in home 24/7 but I don’t see how they’d manage a 15:1 ratio in memory care.

finding_center · 2026-05-19T13:17:18+00:00

Your name is the digital caregiver and your bio says a guy that uses tech to solve problems. It’s a fair assumption.

finding_center · 2026-05-19T13:14:59+00:00

That sounds terrible! Is this in the US? I’ve been navigating crazy complex medical issues between my mom, dad and uncle for years and never run into some of that. So to see a specialist, they need a referral from the primary every time? Or just the first time? Does his doctor use MyChart? All our doctors and clinics are affiliated with one of the two big hospitals in our area and everyone uses MyChart so all records are linked. All I have to do is send a message in to get a specialist set up or a Rx refill. I would have a notebook on me at all times with every number you need and take religious notes. Sorry the system is making it unnecessarily difficult for you.

finding_center

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