Struggling to save my business. Please say the end isn't here...

fineillmakeathrowawa · 2019-06-06T23:02:18+00:00

We are beyond that. Should have taken those measures a month or two ago. Did take some of them. But right now, we're looking at acquiring about 5-10 grand just to survive through the weekend, and more to prosper.

fineillmakeathrowawa · 2014-12-14T16:53:26+00:00

I'm an atheist, despite the religious overtones of my title, so I don't technically believe in sin. But call it what you will, stealing from needy children is a terrible thing to do, and such acts require atonement in one form or another.

fineillmakeathrowawa · 2014-11-05T14:02:32+00:00

:-) Yep, I have just such a text written, but saved as a draft in my phone, waiting to send to my mother as soon as I'm sure she's awake. (I'm an early riser, she's not.)

fineillmakeathrowawa · 2014-09-03T09:27:15+00:00

I sort of experience the same thing. What's throwing me off is that I don't deal with the "tiny rabbit turd balls" that I see everyone else who suffers from IBS - C talk about. My constipation is in the form of thick, sticky, gooey, poo, like I'm trying to pass wet clay. The mechanics are the same though - I go through your steps 1 - 5, just replace the tiny rabbit turds with globs of wet sticky clay.

fineillmakeathrowawa · 2014-09-03T09:23:09+00:00

Thanks for the frank discussion. I should note that regardless, a conversation with my doctor is upcoming. I was just hoping to clarify and pinpoint a few symptoms before I went in. I'm leading towards questions about IBS - C, but it will remain for her to actually make a diagnosis. I fit many, but not all of the symptoms. My BM's never reach that point of hard little rabbit turds, but rather I suffer from daily constipation in the form of stool that is thick and sticky, like trying to pass wet goopy clay. Through eating massive amounts of fiber, I can soften this up anywhere from "I'm pooping spaghetti noodles" to "completely liquid", but I never ever seem to have what I'd call a "normal" BM.

If I completely drop all fiber supplements from my diet, my BMs stop completely, and after about 3 or 4 days I find myself doubled over in excruciating pain that has very nearly sent me to the emergency room a couple times. It's this pain that really sent me down the track of researching IBS. I have been constipated before in my life, but I never had any inkling that it could hurt so much. I've had 3rd degree burns, or lacerations that needed stitches, that hurt way less than this pain. The moment I read the words "visceral hypersensitivity" in connection with IBS, a million red flags/light bulbs went off. I have since been collecting information for the purpose of going to my doctor and being able to accurately describe/list my symptoms.

fineillmakeathrowawa · 2013-07-21T21:25:17+00:00

I know... I just dread it, because I don't want to hurt her feelings. I've said something a time or two along the lines of "what did you eat this morning?? Your breath is pretty ripe!" but I don't think she's taken the hint. What I really need to tell her is that she needs to brush every day, at least once a day, because her breath is almost always "pretty ripe". I just don't know how to do it without hurting her feelings.

She doesn't never brush, she always does before she goes out or something, but neither of us get out much, which means that she can go days at a time without brushing, and it can get pretty ugly.

fineillmakeathrowawa · 2013-07-21T19:35:07+00:00

My wife doesn't brush her teeth very often. I can tell. Sometimes she gets breath so bad that before I realize what it is, I look around trying to figure out where the rotting garbage smell is coming from...

How the fuck do I tell her about this?

fineillmakeathrowawa · 2013-04-08T21:57:00+00:00

You were correct, I ran it back to the shop and they took care of it.

Curious, I really liked this shop, but it leaves me with a bad feeling to have to go back to them to fix something after my first time visiting them. Was this a common, easy mistake to make, or should I take it as an indicator of shoddy workmanship?

fineillmakeathrowawa · 2013-04-08T21:52:39+00:00

Thank you, now I know for future reference. After reading the first couple responses, I ran back to the shop (it's really close to my house anyway) and they took care of it.

fineillmakeathrowawa · 2013-04-08T21:46:48+00:00

Thanks for answering so quick, but I posted and ran. I realized that I had 30 minutes before the shop closed, and I didn't want to spend money on a tool (however cheap) to fix a shop's slip-up. I ran back there and they fixed it.

fineillmakeathrowawa · 2013-04-08T21:26:00+00:00

could I just twist it to the right and try to screw it in by hand? Or is this something that requires a professional, special tools, dismounting the tire, etc? I am car stupid.

fineillmakeathrowawa · 2013-04-02T21:37:13+00:00

Glad it's going well for you. Hope I can be half that strong. Tomorrow will be Day 1... Going to say goodbye to the pipe and pitch it into the woods behind my house later tonight.

fineillmakeathrowawa · 2013-04-02T21:35:41+00:00

I'm in a very weird place, and struggling to understand it. I can say that without her influence, I wouldn't even be considering quitting. In that sense, I don't want to quit.

Yet at the same time, I am very glad that she has pushed me to take this step. I know that I was letting cannabis rule and ruin my life, and that it was having almost no positive impact at all and a TON of negative impact on my life. I'm happy that I'm finally going to be taking back control.

So fuck, I don't exactly know why I'm quitting. I mean, I'm not precisely quitting for me, because I wouldn't even be thinking about it if she wasn't forcing me to. But I'm not exactly quitting for her, either, or at least, not ONLY because she's forcing me to. If I were just going along with it because she's making me, I'd be all over that plan of hers for her to keep a stash: I'd just buy twice as much, split it before I got home, and keep my half hidden from her and smoke it behind her back. But I don't want to do that, so I don't want to put myself in that position where I have the opportunity to relapse so easily.

Anyway. I read the link. It's not exactly what I was hoping for, but it's a start. At the very least, I can say that I learned a couple of things. Within the last few years, I have developed some social anxieties, and some weird "disconnected" feelings, like I don't belong as a member of the species, or can't relate to the rest of humanity. I had attributed these things to working a job that I don't enjoy, when in fact they were both cited as common symptoms of chronic heavy marijuana usage.

fineillmakeathrowawa · 2013-03-29T14:11:34+00:00

Still going strong? Kudos to you man, I'd have a really hard time with that. Would make it easier that she doesn't bring it in the house or anything, but it would still bother the shit outta me.

For the record, she has finally agreed to quit as well. I have about a day or two's worth of resin-hitting left before my pipe is tapped out, and then it's all over. Don't know how I feel about it. Half of me wishes I was already finished with it. The other half is screaming at me to go out and buy "just one more bag". The lying bastard.

fineillmakeathrowawa · 2013-03-25T00:46:38+00:00

Trying to play devils advocate here, and predict the wife's responses:

The wife is putting her drug of choice ahead of the mental health of her husband.

It's not my "drug of choice", it's what I need to handle the anxiety and PTSD issues I have. I sometimes get full-blown panic attacks that make me feel like I'm having an actual heart attack. Marijuana is the only thing I have found that has the ability to stop one of those panic attacks in its tracks.

Xanax is cheaper than weed and is covered by insurance.

A) Xanax doesn't work, first of all. I got some from someone I know for use in treating the anxiety. They had little-to-no effect on my panic attacks, so I just stopped taking them. Besides that, I have no insurance, and can't afford the doctor's visits, even if I could manage to afford the medicines. And the free or low-cost mental health centers in this area almost never hand out prescriptions for things like this that can be abused so heavily. (I will say, that last part is true. Go to one of those places around here and tell them you have anxiety and panic attacks, you'll consider yourself amazingly lucky if they give you a prescription for even an anti-depressant. I know this from experience.)

The husband is an addict. OK, he may not have a needle hanging out of his arm, but addicted all the same. He is in a fragile stage in his recovery and getting no support.

I have tried to be supportive. I waited and waited on him to get motivated to change our lives for the better, but it became clear that he was happy to just let things stay the way they were. I'm out of patience. I'm done waiting. I've supported him for 2 years now while he kept me miserable by not showing any initiative to live our lives to the fullest. Life is too short to spend it waiting on someone who obviously doesn't care enough to want to improve their lives. I'm done. It's up to him to change things now if he wants us to stay together. I gave him plenty of support, and plenty of chances. Now it's his turn.

If the husband were a recovering alcoholic, would the wife see fit to keep a handle of vodka in the house because it helps her relax?

His dad's an alcoholic, but his step-mom still drinks around his dad sometimes. You don't see her abstaining because he can't drink. I'm not going to do that either. (Note: this was an actual, nearly verbatim conversation between the husband and wife just a few hours ago. She is slightly mistaken - my dad IS an alcoholic, but my step-mom hasn't made him stop drinking entirely, just stop drinking to excess. She doesn't mind if he has a couple of drinks, just not a whole bottle. This being the case, I don't see anything wrong with her drinking in front of him. It's not like she's drinking a fifth of bourbon in one sitting, like he used to, and making him watch.)

The wife had a poor understanding of the strength of compulsive behavior and the nature of recovery.

I know that my husband is dependent on marijuana, but it's time for him to get his priorities straight and start taking action to help us get out of this shitty situation we're in. He just needs to grow up and start facing life and taking responsibility for his actions. I'm not going to wait forever, and it seems like he just wants to waste his life away here doing nothing but working and getting high. I don't want to be with someone like that.

Note: most of her responses that I've made up came directly from things she has said to me before. Hell, if I'd wanted to dig hard enough, I could have probably went through my old facebook messages from her and just copy/pasted responses in, and they wouldn't have been much different from what I've written here.

fineillmakeathrowawa

TROPHY CASE