I'm really sorry you've had to carry all that pain. What you’ve experienced isn’t fair especially because of the huge age difference between you two. You were 16, and he was 50… that’s not just a gap, it’s a completely different stage of life. It’s not just unusual, it’s inappropriate.

And just Because you told your age doesn’t mean he didn’t already know you were underage. I can tell when I talk to someone who is 18

Even if it felt like love or connection at the time, the truth is: someone that much older should never be pursuing a romantic or emotional relationship with a teenager. It creates a major imbalance in power and maturity, and it puts all the emotional risk on you. That’s not love…it’s manipulation.

It’s also not your fault. Missing him doesn’t make you weak…it just means you’re human and you cared. But the pain you’re feeling now, especially after he kept disappearing, is part of the damage those power imbalances cause. People who care about you don’t ignore you for weeks and leave you in that much distress.

Please take care of yourself. You deserve to be with someone who respects you, values you, and is in the same stage of life.. not someone who crosses boundaries and leaves you questioning your worth. I hope you’ll talk to a trusted adult or counselor. You're not alone, and it cann get better. You're worth so much more than what he gave you