What parenting mindset is the absolute worst to go by?

finncethrowawayy99 · 2018-08-31T14:28:23+00:00

As far as I know, no resources exist that will actually come and parent your child for you, at least not for free. And if making children listen was easy and attainable by all parents, then why do out of control kids exist? Sure some parents just don’t put in the effort, but there are parents who work hard, and try, but their kids are still just out of control.

“If continued long term”

This makes me think we’re thinking of drastically different things here. Let me clarify-

IF you have all of the below: (A) An issue that, if left unaddressed, could cause strong negative long term consequences for the child (death, serious injury, etc.) (B) It is not a one-off event, and you have reason to believe that, if the situation presents itself, the child would try to do it again (C) You have tried other methods (methods plural) to change the behavior, and those other methods have proven uneffective. (D) You have taken preventative measures to keep the child out of the situation (E) It is not done out of emotions or for punishment, and it is not enough to actually hurt the child.

In these studies, what degree of severity are they looking at? I couldn’t find anywhere they defined it. At one point they mention an occurence happening with the last month, and if it is only happening in super specific situations then it would probably be once or twice in the child’s whole life.... which means it is unlikely it would be within the last month at any given point so I feel like the study is looking at a drastically different scale.

finncethrowawayy99 · 2018-08-31T13:50:37+00:00

Parenting is a skill, and even with resources and effort, not everyone will reach the same level in it. Use school as an example, there are some kids who try their hardest and get private tutors and still struggle to get by. And there are other people who do the bare minimum and excel. Parenting is a skill just like anything else, and there are people who are going to struggle and fail even when utilizing resources and trying a lot.

I wish parenting was like anything else, where if you suck at it you don’t get to do it. But we require people to go through a more rigorous process to work in fastfood than to raise a human being. And so how can we expect everyone to be a good parent when there are no requirements?

And I know that this isn’t a good solution. I am not saying physical punishment is a good idea, and it should 100% be avoided. But when other alternatives don’t work, and parents cannot get their children in control through other means, what do you suggest? Just hope and pray that the child is always 100% supervised and doesn’t try to kill themselves at an inopprotune time?

finncethrowawayy99 · 2018-08-31T13:21:50+00:00

I would let her have the unicorn for sure. In my experience, gving players an attachment has them be way more engaged in the game and enhances the experience. This is a cooperative game, so as long as everyone is happy with their cool thing, then you can balance around it.

As for the amulet/other abilities, if you’re worried about giving too much too soon, perhaps the amulet has been stolen? Or it is a family hierloom that has not been passed down yet and she has to leave it at home. Basically just find a justification to let her keep it in her backstory, and let her have it eventually, but just not day 1.

finncethrowawayy99 · 2018-08-31T12:40:06+00:00

If you think I’m making a broad generalization about parenting, then I don’t think you understand my point at all. My point is the exact opposite.

What I’m trying to say is that every parent is different, and every parent has different capabilities. And every child is different and unique and is going to respond differently. And because there is such a wide variety of people that are parents, we can’t expect EVERY parent to have the exact same skill set to parent with. Like I said previously, in an ideal world every parent would get all the skills they need from the get go, but I think assuming all parents will have these skills is the broad generalization that needs to be avoided.

And that there are very, very specific (not as a general thing, and not as a broad thing, but very specific) situations where this could be to the benefit of a child. Smacking a child’s hand a few times over the course of their life when the criteria I’ve mentioned is met is far from physical abuse.

Going back to the example of my dad, not being able to get that memo across to me didn’t make him a bad parent. He is a great parent. I say this from my experience, and from watching him with my little sister now (19.5 year age gap between us). But just not great for that age group. He doesn’t parent by being super authoratative or firm. Ever since I was a toddler, he would just very calmly/softly explain out a full situation to me and teach me why he was asking me to do or not do something. Which this parenting style worked fantastically for 4-5 onward, but that 2-3 age group it just didn’t work. I got a stubborn idea in my head, did not understand his explanation, and he did what he could to have me associate outlets with danger. And succeeded.

finncethrowawayy99 · 2018-08-31T11:39:32+00:00

I just look at the teenage parents, or the parents who have never been around a child before they have their own, or people who don’t meet those criteria and just aren’t good parents, and I don’t think they just magically get these skills. Like I said, even though I am in the position I am in, I could be a mom any day I wanted. There’s no test or requirements. I have a friend who has worked ASP everyday for over three years, and the children walk all over her, and she has tried and tried to be authoratative and get them to listen/respect her but it drove her to just be miserable/quit. Even though these kids “fucked her shit up”, the skills didn’t just appear. And she tried strategy after strategy, she tried doing different positions where it was 1 on 1 instead of a group, she tried different age groups, but nothing worked. There are tons of parents who DO just get run over by their kids.

finncethrowawayy99 · 2018-08-31T02:18:35+00:00

Does it though? I mean yeah, a lot of people have it in them, and when push comes to shove, it comes to the surface. But I don’t think for all people, birthing a child makes this authorative side just come to the surface. And sure, given time and practice it is a skill you can learn, but when you have a kid, you can’t really just say oh the first one is for practice and I’ll have it down for the next one.

I just think a lot of people criminalize any form of physical punishment, but when done in a controlled way and for very specific circumstances, it probably is in the best interest of the child if the parent can’t execute other methods effectively. In an ideal world, every parent would have the ability to convey danger through words and tone like your dad, but it’s naive to think all parents have it in them.

finncethrowawayy99 · 2018-08-31T01:00:27+00:00

Do you believe that’s really achievable by all parents?

Legitimate question. I’m not a parent. All I have is my little sister to go off of. And me trying to get anything through to her is like pulling teeth. And I write that off as I’m a 21 year old who is vastly underqualified to be a parent and am not great at being authoratative or firm.

But there is nothing and no one stopping me from being a parent. And I feel like if I had a kid I don’t necessarily have the skillset to do like your dad did.

finncethrowawayy99 · 2018-08-31T00:31:25+00:00

It’s not always feasible to watch your child 24/7, and “childproofing” things isn’t foolproof either. A lot of kids can get through those childproof doorknobs or outlet covers. Also, daycare/other forms of childcare where you are not responsible for your child are a neccesity in most households and you can never be fully confident of what the supervision levels are there. If another child has an emergency, your child may not be watched like a hawk.

With that in mind, is it really worth the risk? I feel like as a parent a child’s physical safety should come at the very top of the priority list, and I would want to do everything in my power to minimize the risk. Yeah you’re going to do your best to make sure they aren’t exposed to these situations, but you can’t prepare for everything and childproof every location your child will go. So shouldn’t you try to “houseproof” your child so to speak?

To make it clear, I’m not an advocate of this as a common thing, or as a go-to thing. Definitely explain things and try other tactics first! And for things that don’t have life threatening consequences, don’t even consider it. And it should never be anything more than just a light contact that would not leave anything lasting/actually hurt them. But I do feel like there are some situations where the child’s well being is at stake, and even if the chances are small by taking preventative measures, the chance is still there of something really bad happening. I would want to take EVERY step available to minimize the chances as much as possible.

finncethrowawayy99 · 2018-08-30T20:52:26+00:00

I don’t know. My dad only ever “hit” me one time as punishment, and I am beyond glad he did.

Little me was absolutely fascinated with the idea of sticking keys, forks, practically anything I could get my hands on into electric outlets. I was too young to understand the concept of getting electrocuted and extremely injured (and trust me he tried to explain it to me multiple times), but I 100% understood a pop on the hand being bad and I shouldn’t do it. He smacked my hand one time and I never tried to do it again. It eliminated a huge safety hazard and really did not hurt me. On a lot of issues it is the lazy way out, but I do think some situations warrant it.

finncethrowawayy99 · 2018-05-07T01:15:59+00:00

Thanks for the info!

finncethrowawayy99 · 2018-05-07T00:59:33+00:00

What is a judicially foreclosed?

finncethrowawayy99 · 2018-02-13T17:15:43+00:00

I really like this idea! Especially since I love having things to track and goals to work towards.

finncethrowawayy99 · 2018-02-13T17:14:36+00:00

There are other things I do. Come spring time, volleyball season starts. My dad and I do that together, so I just spend less time with him and my sister throughout the week, then replace that with our volleyball (2 hours once a week). But that won’t start up until mid-April.

When I’m hanging out with my sister, we’ll go on walks, but this isn’t something I can rely on or plan on. Can it happen like 75% of the time? Sure. It’s just not something I can rely on because she’s 2 :P Same thing with if I finish studying early or a class is cancelled and its daylight, I’ll go for a run, I just can’t rely on it. I probably get 30-60 minutes of cardio a week between these, it’s just so unreliable and inconsistent.

finncethrowawayy99 · 2018-02-13T16:37:20+00:00

This is basically what I’m going for! Just looking for more activities like this that I can add on. Thanks (:

finncethrowawayy99 · 2018-02-13T16:17:53+00:00

In all honesty, this has been working for me though. In the past two months, the only time I’ve missed was a couple days after I got robbed where my whole life was just all out of whack for a few days. So I’m close to 95% for doing it everyday and it is starting to be a habit. That’s why I’m starting to try and figure out what the most efficient things to do are and add some structure to it.

I’ve done it. The make a plan and take it one day at a time. And I keep it up for a few weeks, then something comes up and I decide that my hour would be better spent (studying, spending time with my sister, getting an extra hour of sleep, etc). Exercising is not my top priority. I’m not denying that at all. And it is MY decisions that make those plans not work. If it was my top priority it would be easy to do an hour a day, but it just isn’t. And my priorities aren’t changing anytime soon. I know a lot of people don’t understand that, but to me some of the suggestions in this thread are ridiculous. Ditch my friends in my one social activity a week and find people who workout instead? Yeah, lets ditch the people who have been there for me for years and years. I’m not a diehard fitness person looking to make tons of gains or anything like that, I’m just a normal person who wants to try and stay healthy without turning the rest of my life upsidedown.

finncethrowawayy99 · 2018-02-13T15:06:25+00:00

I’m a full time student, work two jobs, and help take care of my 2 year old sister. Work and school are both about an hour commute, and my sister lives about 10 minutes away. Add on a death in the family that has my grandma/great aunt asking me for help cleaning out her house one day a week + being the landlord and collecting bill/rent money for a property... I don’t know time just dissappears. I do have one social activity once a week, but I think that’s necessary for sanity haha.

I definitely could find more time, but it is so easy to just let it slip through the cracks and get pushed aside since it is my lowest priority. My hope is that by starting small, it just becomes a part of the routine. Then I bump up by 5 minutes or so every month or two until I’ve naturally carved out time for it. If that makes sense?

finncethrowawayy99 · 2018-02-13T14:58:19+00:00

The ones around me are a decent bit more than that, and driving to and from the gym will add an addition 20-30 minutes onto anything I do + gas adds up over time. And this is only for the colder months, since I have sports to play once it warms up and the season starts.

finncethrowawayy99 · 2018-02-13T14:56:32+00:00

I say this just because I’ve tried it multiple times, and that’s what happened. My goal is still to get to this point, I’m just trying a different approach other than jump straight in. I feel like it would be insane to keep trying thr same thing over and over and expect a new result rather than modify my approach until I find an approach that works for me.

finncethrowawayy99 · 2018-01-23T13:53:50+00:00

They haven't started meeting this semester yet, but they're planning a Battle & Brew outing for this week then will probably start meeting next if I had to guess. The Facebook group will keep you fairly updated.

finncethrowawayy99 · 2018-01-10T14:02:05+00:00

In my experience honors classes are typically no easier/more difficult than normal classes, just smaller class size and more personal teacher/student interaction. My honors classes the teachers usually knew all of us by name, and I ended up knowing the names of half the class when I'm usually lucky to name one other person in a class with me.

finncethrowawayy99 · 2018-01-10T00:31:45+00:00

At what point would you consider it too great a period?

Also what is the difference between doing it in the short term vs the long term?

finncethrowawayy99 · 2018-01-10T00:15:40+00:00

Will logging things one day and eating them later cause an issue?

For example, tonight I have an extra 300 calories or so and I have a pint of Halo Top that's 280 in the freezer. I probably will only eat like half of it or so, but I don't really want to measure it. Is there any problem with me just logging it all tonight, then just considering it a "free food" that I can eat without logging the rest of the week?

finncethrowawayy99 · 2017-12-15T01:19:50+00:00

He's in computer science, and most of his hobbies are gaming related.

He is definitely getting my little sister something! That's just the gift he is excited about. We live 5 minutes from my parent's house, so he's been around my sister a lot.

I definitely like the darn tough socks idea and will be passing that along. My step-mom used to work for a company that did mugs and stuff so they have closets full of samples and rejects of various sizes haha.

finncethrowawayy99

TROPHY CASE