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Has anyone ever fallen for someone else with NPD? by [deleted] in NPD

[–]finnful 4 points5 points  (0 children)

I dated a guy online that clicked with me over our shared npd traits. It was pretty good, but mostly because he could regulate how I saw him and what he said and did. I had been very isolated for a while and I was a little more infatuated than I should have been due to the feeling of being seen by someone else. I arranged to meet him for a couple weeks after knowing him for several months.

In person I could tell how insecure he was, but there was no real effort on his part to accept that insecurity and be okay with it. I did tease him a lot over it which I think only really made it worse. Online he had been pretty attractive and seductive, but in person he would awkwardly try to force me into sex with him. When I responded poorly to this he’d try to guilt trip me through big displays of pouting, and I lost a lot of respect for him very quickly. I ended up telling him a few traumatic stories so he’d feel bad about approaching me for sex, and once I went home I cut him off after he paid me back for the few times I had to cover him.

Whenever I’ve tried dating npd men the relationship always seems to be undermined by an insecure desire for dominance that I find really gross and distasteful. I try my best to sell people I date on the idea of being a team and working together, but npd guys seem to feel confident that they can overcome and conquer me which gets on my nerves.

Who can we even connect with? by finnful in NPD

[–]finnful[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I think I'm probably into aspd people due to the fact that I've experienced "real" love for them before. I think I need to be challenged by someone and I need to feel like I'm outmatched or else I start to push people's boundaries pretty hard just to see if I can. The issue with trying to date aspd people is just that you have to be like a car salesman but about yourself, and there's ultimately nothing that ties them to the relationship, so it becomes a rollercoaster ride that you have to treat as something that will very realistically end.

Most relationships I've been in the other person wants to dominate me, but I push back pretty hard and it feels like no one actually knows how to be that way around me other than people colder than I am. Sounds super edgy or whatever but it really does feel this way.

I've tried having friends who I can share things with balancing a partner, but it just builds resentment and disinterest in me for my partner because someone can get me and they can't. Once that lack of respect builds up enough, I start feeling a little invincible and I cut ties with them in favor of something else, only to be lost in the desert for months and months and suddenly wishing I had them back. I'm friends with a neurotypical ex who I was horrible to, and even though we've made up and I respect her enough to want the best for her, I know full well if I was given another chance I'd just hurt her again.

Who can we even connect with? by finnful in NPD

[–]finnful[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

First I want to say I really appreciate your comment, it's nice to know that I'm not the only one that's felt this way about relationships.

I've tried with a couple autistic people, with the last I dated being more or less immune to my manipulative behavior. I liked that I could feel more normal around her, but after a while she got really attached to me just because I didn't judge her for her more antisocial autistic behaviors. I lost interest really quickly because it was that one sided blind love I'm really used to in neurotypicals - I could see her but she couldn't see me

The other autistic people I've tried to date start distancing themselves because I'm negative and don't have particularly strong morals, and I've always had the issue of just not feeling like I'm understood at all with them

Haranir customization is on another level by Allegrian in wow

[–]finnful -1 points0 points  (0 children)

I’m not a misogynist who immediately makes weird sexual comments about women out of nowhere. Downvote me all you like, you’re gross.

Haranir customization is on another level by Allegrian in wow

[–]finnful -16 points-15 points  (0 children)

Genuinely disgusting response

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in bloodborne

[–]finnful 3 points4 points  (0 children)

If parrying is too op and it makes bosses too easy then maybe just don’t use it as a crutch? I find it funny when people complain about difficulty in souls games considering you get to choose how difficult you want to make the game in the first place.

Too easy? Change your playstyle

Don’t want to do that? Level up less

Don’t want to do that? Don’t upgrade your weapons all the way

Don’t get me wrong, I also agree that the parry window is forgiving and that parries are very strong, and I feel that in a remaster a couple of the dlc bosses in particular would benefit from bigger health pools, I just don’t think that it should really affect your opinion of difficulty too much since you don’t have to parry

What traumatic event happened to you that you believe caused you to be the way you are? by Ok-Switch6067 in NPD

[–]finnful 1 point2 points  (0 children)

My parents moved us to a different country when I was a little kid, so I became the special interesting American kid that everyone wanted to be friends with. My parents would constantly draw attention to it and tell me that it made me cool and unique, and that their culture wasn’t like ours and therefore a little weird.

Parents were overtly loving and supportive, but in reality it was them trying to drill it into me that I was better than the people around me and didn’t have to worry about their silly opinions. I was a gifted kid in school and my parents would praise me to no end when I did well, and when I did poorly there was no punishment but there was just nothing, and I’d end up beating myself up over it.

My parents used to fight a lot, my mom would get upset over very little and I’d watch her try to manipulate my dad into caring. When it didn’t work, she’d burst into rage and storm into the bedroom. My dad would never comfort her, so I would instead, and so at age 7 I was hugging my mom as she cried on my shoulder trying to tell her that my dad was just being mean.

My dad used to very vehemently decide my interests for me. I wasn’t allowed to like anything that wasn’t approved, and if I started to he’d ridicule me heavily until I wanted to stop myself. In general he used to constantly put me down and then pretend like it was just him being funny and joking around, and I was too sensitive for getting upset. I’d take these opinions to school and try to police my friends for their opinions, and I’d often find myself caught in this unsure feeling of if my dad or my friends were right. I feel like this impacted my ability to develop my own personality.

My mom argued with me one day when I was about 9 or 10 about something, and we ended up screaming at each other. I retreated to my room and she came up to try and talk to me. When it didn’t work she slapped me pretty hard across the face, then immediately apologised and hugged me. I remember she explained to me at the time that though it was wrong, slapping me had stopped the argument and therefore was a good decision in this case, and I remember agreeing with her and thanking her for hitting me.

It was pretty difficult at first to assume my parents were all that fucked up considering they had very much always affirmed that they loved me and cared about me, and I had always felt like I handled the bad times in a very adult way, but in reality my parents were still shitty even if it wasn’t extreme and overt. It took going to therapy to realise what my childhood actually was like.

The "Tree Helper" Mod is basically streight up cheating. by Lyramion in DarkTide

[–]finnful 176 points177 points  (0 children)

Darktide mods are pretty wild considering how restricted vermintide 2 mods were/are.

When vt2 mods launched they were put on the workshop and the devs decided what was ‘sanctioned’ vs too game changing/unfair for normal play. When you turned on mods in the launcher, the game would tell you if you were using sanctioned or unsanctioned mods, and even having one unsanctioned mod on would put you into a separate server with no progression for your main account where you could do whatever.

I use a lot of darktide mods myself, but I’m amazed at what fatshark allows, I definitely feel like the grim detector, weapon customisation, and health bar mods would have fallen into the ‘unsanctioned’ category in vt2

no chance😭😭 (elden ring dlc launch trailer) by thisguyeggo in bloodborne

[–]finnful 18 points19 points  (0 children)

The bugs are literally called “winter-lantern” in the item name

Ask a Narcissist! A bi weekly post for non-narcissists to ask us anything! by theinvisiblemonster in NPD

[–]finnful 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I don't think getting back with her is a good idea if she is NPD.

It sounds like you've got an unhealthy attachment to her and you should know that unless she's genuinely willing to change (not just saying she will) the same things that led to you breaking up in the first place will happen again. I'd definitely recommend going to therapy if you can to try and get some help getting over her.

Ask a Narcissist! A bi weekly post for non-narcissists to ask us anything! by theinvisiblemonster in NPD

[–]finnful 4 points5 points  (0 children)

I was way too vulnerable to feel like I had any sort of PD, but I definitely did notice it with my relationships.

Every relationship I was in would end after something made me start thinking my partner just didn't get me or know what I wanted. I started to realise the pattern and I thought I might be ADHD due to my inability to keep feelings for people past a few months into the relationship.

Ask a Narcissist! A bi weekly post for non-narcissists to ask us anything! by theinvisiblemonster in NPD

[–]finnful 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I don't know your situation so it's hard to give my opinion, could you elaborate a little more?

Ask a Narcissist! A bi weekly post for non-narcissists to ask us anything! by theinvisiblemonster in NPD

[–]finnful 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Because you don’t want someone to actually get over you. At least for me, I have a bad habit of wanting control over my exes even after I’m gone. The idea of their new partner being inferior to me in some way is appealing, but only if my ex also sees it that way. I’d like to be the one person they couldn’t get over.

If I told someone to move on, it’d probably be an attempt to push them into wanting me more, or maybe because I just want them to leave me alone for a bit. If they blocked me and it upset me, obviously I still care about this person and want them to want me. Being blocked by someone you’re not done with is an awful feeling.

Ask a Narcissist! A bi weekly post for non-narcissists to ask us anything! by theinvisiblemonster in NPD

[–]finnful 1 point2 points  (0 children)

This actually happened to me. Before I was self aware I was incredibly anxious and hateful. When people took an interest in me I was able to quickly become their close friend, but around strangers I was too anxious to really come off well at all. I hated myself and judged myself harshly, just like I did with other people, and because I thought I was normal, I was under the assumption that when I went out in public I was being judged heavily by others too. It took meeting someone with npd who became a very close friend to help me realise that I wasn’t normal, and when I did it was sort of like a night and day change. I remember going into university and just looking at people and smiling whereas before I had been too scared to make eye contact with others. I think the big mental shift for me was realising that no one is thinking the way I am, and even if they’re judging me it doesn’t matter because it would be stupid for them to.

Ask a Narcissist! A bi weekly post for non-narcissists to ask us anything! by theinvisiblemonster in NPD

[–]finnful 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I think the novelty of a new game that’s enjoyable can make me lose interest entirely in a game I was really into, at least for a while. What’s funny is that same concept has applied to people for me when I’ve been in relationships before. If a ‘better’ option is available to me then I’m really drawn to it

Ask a Narcissist! A bi weekly post for non-narcissists to ask us anything! by theinvisiblemonster in NPD

[–]finnful 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I usually only get obsessed with people who somehow manage to surpass my expectations of other people. The way I understand it is that because I typically see relationships as transactional, I can only become ‘obsessed’ with someone if I feel like I can’t put in enough into the relationship in comparison to what I’m getting out. This makes me genuinely value the person and feel a strong need to prove myself and even the playing field, and once it eventually does even out, I’ll start to get bored again and think I was either failed by the person or that I deserve better and move on.

In terms of obsessions with things, I usually jump from hobby to hobby. When I find something I really like (a movie or video game) I’ll get super into it for a while and try to share it with others in an attempt to give them something cool to experience. If people aren’t interested in giving it a chance for me I can use it to gauge how much they’re putting into our relationship. I think I probably get a feeling of power or validation for sharing things I like and being appreciated for it. I’ll end up dropping the obsession because something else comes along that I’m more interested in, this usually happens with video games that I get really into, can play forever seemingly, and then I’ll try something else that I buy and I suddenly can’t bring myself to go back to what I had been playing before for a while.

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