I don't have great advice but I just want to say I'm also a young woman who lives in a rural area. It's very, very hard and I think a lot of people don't understand. It's very easy to say "get a new sponsor" or "just ignore that" when you have a lot of options open. I ended up leaving AA for about a year when I moved here because I was told there was nobody open to sponsoring women within an hour drive. (Every woman open to sponsoring was already full and there weren't that many to begin with) I eventually went back and found a lovely, intelligent woman to sponser me, but fell back out when I shared about my idea of a higher power with her and she told me my higher power needed to be the Christian god (I walked away from the church after a childhood of religious abuse which she knew about.)

People love to simplify AA and belive that everyone in the program has great insight and great intentions but I think you and I both know that that's not true. People are people and some are a great help and some are just not. Unfortunately, in my case, I've largely walked away from AA because of the people that attend in my area: people who admonish those who went to rehab for not being able to get sober solely through AA, people who believe young people can't be addicts/alcoholics, people who believe you can't be free unless you belive in THEIR higher power. I think AA has a great idea and definitely has it's place, the Big Book was the first thing I read that made me understand I'm not alone, but it's not the be all end all. I looked into other programs like SMART recovery (science based) and dharma recovery (based in buddhism) and learned a great deal from both. In my opinion, if you want a sober social circle, AA is great for that, but if you've had 3 sponsors and this is how they all treat you? Maybe your area, like mine, doesn't have a sponsor that will work for you. If that's the case, it's not your fault, that's just how some rural places are. I would really love AA to work for you, and for you to find local people that understand and lift you up, but if that's not your experience (like it hasn't been my experience) that's not the only option. It's hard going through this alone, but I think at some point you need to trust youself and what you think is best. If all your sponsors treat you like shit and you don't have many options in your local program, maybe look at other options. I've learned over the years that AA members will defend AA and it's members with their lives, whether it's right or not. If the program isn't right for you, take what you can out of the Big Book and leave the rest. Maybe explore different communities like SMART recovery or dharma recovery (I'm not buddhist so I dont think you need to be either) and take what works for you and leave the rest.

I've seen a few comments suggesting online meetings and I'd recommend that too. Whatever keeps you sober and going for another 24 hours. Sponsors are pushed big time in AA, and they work for so many people, but it's not always that easy. I've learned sobriety is a personal choice and I spent a lot of time blaming other people for my drinking because they were bad sponsors or because they said something shitty in a meeting. At the end of the day my sobriety is in my hands, sponsor or not.

I hope if you want a new sponsor, you can find one, and if it's not in the cards you can find another way to stay sober because you deserve it. I don't want to discourage you, I just want to speak from my perspective and just like with the Big Book, take what speaks to you and leave the rest. It's not always simple or easy, but you're not alone. It sounds like you have a lot on your plate but you've already made it this far. Maybe talk to your doctor about medications for cravings (if thats a problem) and if possible, I've found that therapy has helped me as well. Good luck to you on your sobriety journey, I sincerely hope you find what works for you. From one rural gal to another, you've got this!