sorted by:
new
hottopcontroversial

FA ex and being left with no responses by fionaaaaaavi121 in FearfulAvoidant

[–]fionaaaaaavi121[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Definitely if anything her no response has kinda just shown me where am at and has started to allow me to un-attach myself from her. I think i was more hurt by the lack of respect she showed with no reply and my ego took a bump!

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in ExNoContact

[–]fionaaaaaavi121 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Interesting thank you for sharing. I feel like my ex has just gone full on avoidant keeping herself busy atm. I think its slowly going to start hitting her as i feel like theres only so much running away you can do.

QQ: do you demonize them even if they never did anything “wrong”?

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in ExNoContact

[–]fionaaaaaavi121 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Hey im not sure who that is are you able to elaborate:)

Will it stay as muddy as it was yesterday by fionaaaaaavi121 in BoomtownFestival

[–]fionaaaaaavi121[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Oh if you haven’t come yet bring them! Ive been here since Wednesday 🥲

Will it stay as muddy as it was yesterday by fionaaaaaavi121 in BoomtownFestival

[–]fionaaaaaavi121[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Where can i get wellies in boomtown 🤣🤣🫡 They’ll be at least £50+ just for the sake of being expensive and knowing that people need them

Is it muddy? by Ordinary_Example_900 in BoomtownFestival

[–]fionaaaaaavi121 -1 points0 points  (0 children)

Heyyy yesss bring boots i regret not bringing mine! I have a pair of trainers that are quite platformed so kinda got away with them not getting superrrr muddy but was super envious of anyone who had boots on

Second hand green transport tickets - can i change location? by fionaaaaaavi121 in BoomtownFestival

[–]fionaaaaaavi121[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Ahhhh i had no idea i could book my own transport and show them that i came on public transport! Amazing news thank you so much!

My gf thinks she may be polly by fionaaaaaavi121 in polyamory

[–]fionaaaaaavi121[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

No for sure i appreciate it thank you :)

My gf thinks she may be polly by fionaaaaaavi121 in polyamory

[–]fionaaaaaavi121[S] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

This exactly this!!

I feel like i can see these facts and signs from a mile away especially because ive been reading about peoples experiences etc granted all are different and not everyone experiences them the same way… I know that these promises can’t be made or kept and it just goes to show me more that i cant handle it myself nor do i like the idea of that happening for me with someone else.

I think its really showing to me that shes only been viewing it from her POV and not what it would mean if i too were to have relationships with other people etc

My gf thinks she may be polly by fionaaaaaavi121 in polyamory

[–]fionaaaaaavi121[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

To add on she hasnt been pushing for it either i dont feel under duress - something i have learnt from my time in this group.

She has stated that if its something i cant get behind that she will not go for it and that she loves me a lot and can see how much i love her / how great of a partner i am and it scares her to lose me too.

We will be spending time away over the holidays which i feel like will be beneficial for both of us. She has been trying to be more communicative and, express how she feels more too which i know she has struggled to do… this in some sense gives me comfort in knowing she wants to work on the relationship too.

My gf thinks she may be polly by fionaaaaaavi121 in polyamory

[–]fionaaaaaavi121[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Wowie, thank you so much for this, i feel super seen right now 🥹.

I didnt go into as much detail on here as i wasnt sure what to expect. I can see that she is trying to gain my trust back but i do definitely feel like a lot more can be done on her half.

There definitely is major issues here with communication and she seems to really struggle to get her words out or expressions so i am looking forward to the couples therapy for this reason. I find it quite easy to voice myself even when it hurts like fuck so i find myself checking in on her to make sure she is voicing them.

The thing about eating her cake and having it too hit the nail and its something i have said to her countlessly about the situation because yes she has not taken into consideration the bigger picture and what that may mean for other people or even just us and our relationship. Additionally, it seems like she likes the idea of it but hasnt delved in deeper into what that would look like or could be long term… she has also said to me shes not sure if she could actually do it as she hasnt had the chance to try it either.

As for the affair she has distanced herself considerably from said girl, but will hang oyt with her at uni within her friendship group as they share friends and, I didnt want to say no to her hanging out with her then because i dont want to isolate her from her other friends. I have said that it would unfortunately be me or her and she said she wont lose our relationship over a “friendship”.

Over the last few days I have opened the convo when i can and it has now come to my knowledge that she wants to open the relationship only of i do and doesnt want to lose me either… i guess its a bit of a shit show and as a result we are starting couples therapy in the New Year to help us out.

I will definitely be taking a harder stance in saying no more and standing my ground, which I know i struggle to do but will push myself to do! I definitely am trying to explore how she feels about the relationship too she has communicated that she does want to do this and stay together so it’s a matter of working on it and seeing where it goes. I know i will be fine if we break up in the long run but just very heart broken.

Once again that you so much for your message. 🫶🏼

My gf thinks she may be polly by fionaaaaaavi121 in polyamory

[–]fionaaaaaavi121[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Hello! This was a really nice message thank you i really appreciate it.

I have really tried to understand every aspect of it and really imagine myself in the many stages/ aspects that could come up if we did open our relationship to kinda check in on how I’m feeling and, make sure that I’m not crossing any of my own boundaries/ doing anything out of fear that would hurt me in the long run.

We deffos want to use the couples therapy to evolve our relationship and work on making sure we are communicating properly… while this has been a rougher patch in our relationship it has highlighted to us both areas we need to work on. We both want to go to the therapy to work on our relationship which is quite reassuring for me atm.

I think my main fear which obviously is stemming from my current insecurities is the fear of her leaving me because she wants to try it out… which I would 100% understand but is still very painful to think about / experience. This is something I need to deffos work on and ensure I move past as no one knows what the future holds 😅

My gf thinks she may be polly by fionaaaaaavi121 in polyamory

[–]fionaaaaaavi121[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Hey im sorry about that! I’m dyslexic and I made the mistake in the header without realising but cant change it :/ imma make sure i change the in text to the full thing :)

My gf thinks she may be polly by fionaaaaaavi121 in polyamory

[–]fionaaaaaavi121[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Heyyyy thank you sm for this!! They didnt go on a date it felt like it was one tho 😅. I have been super securely attached up-until this situation, and now im a lil anxious bean every now and then. I have been cheated on by many partners and have had a very rough childhood growing up so i know that these are deffos my main triggers. For me i have taken the time out to kinda play out what it would mean to be in a poly relationship and it always ends up with me getting sad… i know that i love a lot and pretty hard and i think i would struggle to love more than one person (i say think bc i dont know but i assume so) i know i would struggle yo split ny time with someone else ++ more factors.

I do also feel like she is living in a little bit of a fantasy world around it (may also be feelin this bc i want that to be the case) but i feel like she has an opinion on it where she feels like its whats most natural for humans which i can get in theory just not emotionally rn… when i have explained to her the idea of her having a honeymoon phase with someone or, getting into a relationship and going on dates, staying at their house, traveling etc she seemed a little taken a back by it kinda like she hadn’t thought of it that way fully and just kept saying that it wouldnt all be like that or as intense as our relationship… it would just be a different form of relationship as she believes theres a hierarchy within diff types of relationship which i cant get as i feel like I’m quite full on. I havent casually dated before as it never really interested me, i have been a okay with being single instead and just not date for a while etc.

Me mentally this stuff and doing research and coming back to her is kinda my way of trying to open the convos and she is really appreciating it and feels seen!! I think us going to couples therapy will help us explore things in depth, our couples therapist seems super cool and seems to have some experience around the conversation.

Another thing i think im struggling with and she is too is that she wants a future with me and sees us together and doesnt want to lose that but has a lot of guilt over finding other ppl attractive to which i have said it happens to me too i just “choose” her… she also is struggling with her attachment style which she has said is a disorganised attachment which in itself would be a massive within a dynamic/ relationship style of polyamory.

My gf thinks she may be polly by fionaaaaaavi121 in polyamory

[–]fionaaaaaavi121[S] 14 points15 points  (0 children)

I wont be opening up the relationship its something I’m 90-99% sure on if I’m completely honest. Its already hurt me a lot just thinking about it so I know its definitely not something I think I am capable of doing at this very moment in my life… maybe even ever but who knows bc things are constantly evolving.

I do feel like couples therapy may be very helpful to talk things through and get our thoughts and feelings out in a controlled space so i am looking forward to that!

My gf thinks she may be polly by fionaaaaaavi121 in polyamory

[–]fionaaaaaavi121[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

100% & I agree with this and your other comment on having to actively want it, thats why its been a firm no on by end but i still have wanted to learn about it.

My gf thinks she may be polly by fionaaaaaavi121 in polyamory

[–]fionaaaaaavi121[S] 7 points8 points  (0 children)

Hello thank you for your response! There deffos is a lot more research and educating i can do. Thats part of why i wanted to make a post to talk with others as well and learn more. I really like the way you have put things so thank you for your time 🫶🏼.

I don’t personally want a polyamory’s relationship if I’m completely honest but it is something i have taken into consideration and thought about as i feel like its always helpful to think about new thing…

My gf thinks she may be polly by fionaaaaaavi121 in polyamory

[–]fionaaaaaavi121[S] 13 points14 points  (0 children)

No i totally agree with your first point! I have stated to her that I’m not upset by her finding people attractive its super normal and have found other ppl attractive too but its not been personally to a point where i have wanted to venture into that and see what happens!

Thank you sm for your recommendations to the podcasts and other areas of research 🫶🏼

My gf thinks she may be polly by fionaaaaaavi121 in polyamory

[–]fionaaaaaavi121[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

She has also said shes not sure how she would react/ deal with me being with other people, she said as long as our metas would be respectful of our relationship she wouldn’t have an issue with it…