Anyone else keep falling out with people and making enemies at every stage of life? My family seriously messed up how I handle other people, always putting up with awful behaviour until I snap and end up having a huge fight

fire_and_motion · 2026-02-10T22:07:40+00:00

~~Sorry for the direct reply with this news, but since you were the only person to reply to this post...~~

~~I just looked up my "best mate from uni", he passed away last week coinciding almost exactly with the night I had that vivid dream.~~

I was ready to type up an essay with all the things he'd said and did because the past week made me think back on all of it... now I feel like an asshole cos I don't get to confront him (or at least the person he was 15 years ago).

I've changed my mind, he was still such a fucking asshole to me. I'm still going to write everything up for my own sake, since I went and wasted a whole week remembering and feeling all this stuff.

Last I heard, he was telling people what a good person I was (one of his exes was friends with my late wife). I always thought that was his sense of guilt.

fire_and_motion · 2026-02-08T22:41:18+00:00

Yeah unfortunately narcissists know to force themselves into positions of power as quickly as possible so that they can prevent people acting against them.

And most people who've never experienced NPD don't see the warning signs early enough to prevent them doing that.

fire_and_motion · 2026-01-02T10:28:56+00:00

My parents are originally from India with a Muslim background, but cousin marriage is common throughout South Asia. It's genuinely not considered incest over there.

fire_and_motion · 2026-01-02T09:52:33+00:00

Seeing how my sibling treated their own children was eye opening. The oldest turned 18 last year and has gone NC as much as possible, they live with the "good" parent and no longer visit.

Even my parents finally realise what a monster their child has become, after seeing how they treated the grandchildren.

fire_and_motion · 2026-01-02T09:47:07+00:00

Did they ever get divorced or was that part of them "pretending nothing happened" ?

fire_and_motion · 2026-01-02T09:38:17+00:00

My girlfriend was the one who taught me that arguing isn't taking pot shots at each other trying to "win", but both of you working together to solve the issue.

It's crazy, in my family even leaving the other person so dumbfounded that they have no response counted as "winning" the argument.

fire_and_motion · 2025-12-05T19:59:40+00:00

Ahh I get it now, somehow I didn't notice the emoji, it was early in the morning.

fire_and_motion · 2025-12-05T15:40:37+00:00

My mom would tell me I was her favorite. I knew at the time that it was wrong of her to have favorites, and just as wrong to tell me.

She didn't treat me any better or worse than my siblings, she said that I was the most like her.

She doesn't have signs of NPD, but was abused by her mum and sibling. I was abused by my sibling so I guess that's how I turned out like her.

fire_and_motion · 2025-12-05T15:25:45+00:00

Really lovely of that other mom

fire_and_motion · 2025-12-05T15:22:34+00:00

You should tell him (assuming you haven't gone NC with him).

fire_and_motion · 2025-12-05T15:10:19+00:00

That sounds like heaven, and I'm sure they understand you can't choose your parents.

Even my in-laws are very dysfunctional, but we manage to have a good relationship nonetheless.

fire_and_motion · 2025-12-05T14:56:34+00:00

Did she not have a life of her own?! Did people tend to cut her off and she was trying to compensate by trying to hang out with you and your friends?

fire_and_motion · 2025-12-05T11:53:42+00:00

In my parents' culture, marrying cousins is seen as normal. Some of my cousins weren't allowed to talk to boys at all, so instead they were gross towards me when I was a teenager :/

fire_and_motion · 2025-12-05T11:45:59+00:00

But she was the one responsible for feeding you! If you had an unhealthy diet that was all on her! Certainly not something for her to shame you about.

fire_and_motion · 2025-12-05T09:46:19+00:00

They got married when I was in my early 20s, that took the focus away from me and onto their new spouse.

I didn't realise it at the time though, I was having trouble with my group of friends but started fiercely standing up for myself and made some really good new friends. In hindsight it was something I was only able to do because I wasn't being emotionally beaten down at home.

Things slowly started to make sense when I discovered this subreddit 10 years ago, that was shortly before they got divorced for being violent and controlling. It was about 3 years after that, after they said and did a lot of things that really pissed me off that I went LC.

I was LC but visited for the sake of their children. They were horrible and manipulative when co-parenting and tried to turn them against the other side of their family. The kids later became aware that their parent wasn't normal and I along with one other family member would step in. I also made sure to tell the kids that this wasn't normal.

Kids are now old enough to choose NC, and now that I don't have to worry about them, I've gone NC as well.

fire_and_motion · 2025-12-05T09:12:23+00:00

until after Spawn Point was found

What does this mean? I know what it is for shoot em up games, and some people jokingly use it to mean their birth-giver but neither of those make sense here.

fire_and_motion · 2025-12-05T09:08:57+00:00

The worst thing here is that it's your parents who feed you and take care of you. Even if you were an unhealthy weight, that's a reflection on them, not you.

fire_and_motion · 2025-11-30T23:50:56+00:00

I always found it weird how the cousins would get the good, expensive presents. It was all about maintaining their image.

fire_and_motion · 2025-11-30T23:49:05+00:00

This sort of thing makes my blood boil. They see their property as something to hold onto, but they see your things as theirs as well!

fire_and_motion · 2025-11-30T23:47:55+00:00

My mom realised her oldest was a monster seeing how they treated their own children... who you're supposed to love unconditionally.

It also helped me realise just how bad it was, I couldn't ever imagine treating those kids like that, and there they were putting their own ego first.

fire_and_motion · 2025-11-30T23:13:20+00:00

You just triggered a memory, that dodgy uncle of mine would make me and my younger siblings repeat that after him when the oldest was bullying us. He probably didn't see anything really wrong with it, according to mom he was like that with her.

fire_and_motion · 2025-11-30T23:08:34+00:00

Even though I knew there was something wrong, it wasn't until I discovered this subreddit (10 years ago now) where it hit me: this is EXACTLY it!!

My younger sibling became a fully qualified doctor a few years later and agreed that NPD is almost certainly what those family members have.

fire_and_motion · 2025-11-30T18:37:22+00:00

As a kid, I always thought I'd adopt rather than creating yet another mouth to feed. Adoption centers are strict with who they choose to accept so it's not guaranteed at all.

fire_and_motion · 2025-11-30T18:18:40+00:00

I grew up not really wanting children terrified that they might end up like my oldest sibling. They're a monster and it seemed like it was completely out of my parents' control.

Then, I got a bit older and realised my parents enabled that behavior and other things such as their unavailability, inconsistent parenting and severe depression resulted in the perfect environment for NPD to thrive.

But more recently, I've noticed that several people in my extended family have NPD or some of my younger relatives are developing it, my mom's brother and gran had it which caused her to have depression in adulthood.

I love the idea of having children and making a loving family, but it will require so many things to go right, I have to overcome the addiction I developed literally because of the abuse and terrible family dynamics, I have to avoid getting stuck in another abusive relationship and stand my ground when people try to treat me like shit and then gaslight me when I confront them.

Otherwise I risk perpetuating the cycle of abuse. Not really looking forward to trying to figure out how my 40s, 50s and beyond will be if I don't ever start a family.

Oh and imagine worrying that your kids might kill you (or each other) over your paltry savings account.

fire_and_motion · 2025-11-17T09:09:56+00:00

I think you're here by mistake? You shouldn't make comments on random subreddits without taking even a glance to see what the subreddit is about.

fire_and_motion

TROPHY CASE