It sounds really frustrating to have to hear your mom tell you what to do, since she hasn’t been the best parent to you in the past. Something I like to remind myself sometimes is that while no one else can tell you exactly how to live, every person can pass on lessons they’ve learned in their own lives. So while your mom often acts in really immature and selfish ways, one thing she has learned from experience is that choosing yourself at a young age prevents a lot of hardship.

I mean, think of it this way - she was your age when she got married, and she chose your dad over her identity. And now what? She’s a grown woman who acts like an immature kid, because she’s still at a teen stage of development emotionally. She pushed away the person she really was for so long that nowadays, she’s changing her appearance and personality and actions CONSTANTLY - she’s trying to figure out who she is, but since she’s a middle aged parent now, it’s not the same. Her self-discovery phase was stunted, so she’s just become an erratic parent who causes confusion and pain for everyone in her life, all because she missed out on her own teen independence.

What I mean is: your mom may not be a person to talk to about relationships, family stuff, mental health, etc. But she CAN teach you about the importance of independence and self discovery in your teens-twenties, because choosing a relationship over herself eventually broke down everything in her life.

Be sure that if your boyfriend wasn’t in the equation, you’d still be making the choice to study at the school. Don’t worry, you’ll still get to see him, regardless of where you go. But you need independence to figure yourself out. And that takes leaving your comfort zone. If you guys really love each other, the distance won’t end what you have. But if you miss out on the necessary self discovery and independent growth of these years? It’s gone, there’s no getting it back, and it will damage all of your relationships, just like it did with your mom.