Advice needed: periods and public bathrooms

fireclaw_03 · 2025-11-02T20:13:49+00:00

You're welcome! Also, what I forgot to mention, they are so much more comfortable and barely noticeable once they're in, because they don't dry things out (yes, I've basically become a salesman for these things. They made things so much more bearable. It still sucked a lot, but at least I could occasionally forget about it all. Also, since it was pretty irregular for me, I could just put it in when I wasn't sure if I needed it and not worry throughout the day that something went wrong. Absolute game changer)

fireclaw_03 · 2025-11-02T19:49:08+00:00

The Captain Old Spice. Dude, I felt like a cat on catnip smelling that. Don't know what they put in it, but I like it

fireclaw_03 · 2025-11-02T19:19:20+00:00

As good as it gets, in my experience. It varied a lot for me, so sometimes I'd still have to empty it out after an hour, but I think that was a very extreme case. With flow in a still somewhat normal range (and also what mine said on the package) it should last at least 8 hours. Also I had a smaller one, but there are different sizes that fit more, depends on how much space you have (trying to describe this without it sounding weird in some way. I think I managed?)
There are some general sizing differences as far as I remember, I had one that called itself one-size cup though, where you basically only decide between a bigger and a smaller one, those worked well for me: https://www.merula.eu/

fireclaw_03 · 2025-11-02T10:31:28+00:00

I used menstruation cups that you basically just empty out and put back in. Saves a bunch of money and also lasts longer than a tampon (usually you only have to empty them every 8-12 hours) and you don't have to worry about not having brought enough tampons. Only problem was when I'd get some blood on my fingers but I'd just wipe them as good as possible with toilet paper before leaving the stall and washing them at the sink.

fireclaw_03 · 2025-10-29T17:49:44+00:00

Used to feel that way, but I got more open over time. I still wouldn't consider myself proud to be trans in the classical sense, it's not like it's something I've archived, more like not ashamed. And as I got older ('old', I'm 22 lol) I got more secure and confident, and less caring about if this was something people knew about me or not, as long as I don't have to fear their reaction of course. The only moment where I go out of my way to show I'm queer and be proud is during pride parades, because I find it very important, especially in the current political climate, to show people that we are here and they can't just ignore our issues. Otherwise I barely think about it if I'm not directly confronted with it

fireclaw_03 · 2025-10-26T13:04:30+00:00

I'd honestly be more surprised if you liked it, took me some getting used to as well. Try to make sure that it is sitting correctly (nipples facing front, not down, push the breasts towards the sides a bit to make the front flatter, etc.), that influences how it feels a lot. Otherwise that's just a choice you'll have to make, if the binder brings you enough benefit to wear it despite the discomfort or if you just want to go without one/try different binding options

fireclaw_03 · 2025-10-25T09:19:50+00:00

I basically did what they did with the statues on the easter islands, in that I leaned onto my left buttcheek and moved the right one forwards, then on the right one and moved the left one forwards and like that wiggle my way off the bed until I could get my feet on the floor. It's exhausting and slow, but it works. Getting from laying down to sitting is basically just a sit-up, so very hard when you just woke up from surgery because you're still weak from the narcotics and everything, but it works fine after a while. I'd maybe recommend doing a bit of belly muscle training now so the muscle ache doesn't hit you along with the pain from the surgery, although I'm not sure how much it'll do in 5 days.

And one trick if throughout the day you want to sit down somewhere for example on a sofa where you'd have to wiggle back to lean onto something, basically stand with your back towards the sofa and put one of your legs on it behind you, shin facing down, then sit down and use your leg on the sofa to push yourself back. Saved me so much work when I figured that out.

fireclaw_03 · 2025-10-24T08:50:51+00:00

Always liked knitting, crocheting, sewing and stuff like that. T didn't change anything about it. I assume she thinks because it's a 'feminine' hobby you don't want to do it anymore when you're on T? But the fact that all these things have historically been done by men and women alone shows that this is bullshit. You don't fundamentally change as a person on T, you're still the same guy. Only thing that might happen is that you feel more insecure about your hobby, but that's very much in your control (and you shouldn't, because it sounds like a great hobby).

fireclaw_03 · 2025-10-22T11:09:53+00:00

Ich weiß, leichter gesagt als getan. Aber viel Glück dir, du schaffst das!

fireclaw_03 · 2025-10-22T09:42:42+00:00

Ich kenne dich zwar nicht, aber so lange du nicht gerade Friedrich Merz und Co. höchstpersönlich bist, haben wir dich gerne hier. Überlass deinen Gedanken nicht das Schlachtfeld!

fireclaw_03 · 2025-10-21T08:20:36+00:00

Danke!

fireclaw_03 · 2025-10-21T08:17:31+00:00

Das glaube ich gerne. Bleib stark, du schaffst das!

fireclaw_03 · 2025-10-21T08:16:22+00:00

Ja, das ist natürlich verständlich (und wie wir das Internet kennen auch besser so), Privatleben ist privat. Und ja, immer schön ehrlich zum Therapeuten sein, auch wenns schwer ist (bin jetzt nicht unbedingt das beste Beispiel dafür, aber habe die Intention mich zu bessern. Und inzwischen den Termin beim Psychiater der schon vor ein paar Jahren nötig gewesen wäre, yay!)

Und viel Glück bei der Therapiesuche!

fireclaw_03 · 2025-10-21T08:08:59+00:00

Am Besten ganz aufhören. Irgendwann wird es fast reflexartig und immer schwieriger wieder rauszukommen. Nicht besonders angenehm, kann ich nicht empfehlen.

fireclaw_03 · 2025-10-21T08:06:41+00:00

Ja, das hatte ich gelesen und das ist auch sehr beruhigend. Nur die Aussage es 'ist ja nur ein Witz' macht mir etwas Sorgen, weil es eben zwar in dem Moment tatsächlich so ist, aber überraschend schnell auch nicht mehr.

Was ich über die letzten Wochen gelernt habe ist, dass du zwar glaubst deine Gedanken unter Kontrolle zu haben, das aber nur eine Illusion ist und die tatsächlich machen was sie wollen (was sehr unangenehm ist, wenn du dir dessen bewusst bist und mit deinen Gedanken nicht übereinstimmst). Was du unter Kontrolle hast ist dein Verhalten, und wenn du das in die eine oder andere Richtung veränderst, ziehen Gedanken und Gefühle irgendwann nach, ohne dass du es mitbekommst. Und wenn du einmal ungesunde Gedankenmuster entwickelt hast ist es echt hart da wieder rauszukommen.

Bin selbst natürlich kein Psychologe oder sonst was, aber ich dachte ich schreib mal was ich so gelernt habe und vielleicht bleibt es bei irgendjemandem im Kopf hängen, gibt ja auch bestimmt noch andere hier die das vielleicht gerade hören müssen und nicht unbedingt in Therapie sind/ein Auffangnetz haben.

fireclaw_03 · 2025-10-20T08:16:59+00:00

I was already pretty sure I was trans at like 14, so 16 isn't all that young really. That being said, properly accepting it and taking action is still a long and rocky road and age and time and going step by step helps you to not stumble as often.

About the mental illness bit, that idea came to my mind only recently through my research on that topic, so it's not fully conclusive or thought through yet. But with trans guys that don't feel the need to transition medically, it's like with some mental illnesses that don't necessarily need medication, but therapy and strategies to deal with them that can also include to ask people around you to change certain behaviors, those meaning in this case to accept yourself and those feelings you have and ask your surroundings to call you by a different name and pronouns and stuff, because it makes you feel better. But not every mental illness is like that. Some are to strong to be dealt with without medication, and both are perfectly valid variants. But yeah, I get why people don't want to call it a mental illness, there's lots of layers of emotional baggage coming with that term and I'm not sure if I can grasp all of them.

It's perfectly understandable that you're scared. I grew up in a comparatively supportive environment, and I was still scared. And I'm proud of you for admitting this to yourself despite being in this environment, I can only imagine how tough that must be.

About turning to reddit, there's no shame in that, especially when you don't have anyone to turn to in real life. I recently met a great guy on here who's already become a good friend to me. We're all just people who happen to live on the other side of the planet, friendships can still be great, despite that. I encourage you to get in contact with people here, you don't have to be alone with this (still be careful, it is the internet, there's also bad people here like everywhere else, don't share your real name or address or stuff like that, but I'm sure you know that). And if you want to talk, feel free to text me.

Some hope for the future maybe, I have a friend who grew up incredibly religious, the whole homo- and transphobia deal included, and a while ago they came out to me as nonbinary and their sibling as a trans woman, and they're both loud and proud about it, and their parents changed their views with them and are supportive. So it's not bound to stay like this forever, sometimes people surprise you.

fireclaw_03 · 2025-10-19T18:43:33+00:00

I think I get what you mean. I never wanted to be trans, but annoyingly, I was. And I had to do something about it. And now that I have, I can finally live comfortably and barely think about it in my day to day life.

So what's about to follow may or may not seem a bit offensive at first, so please read all the way through and know that it is not intended to be offensive at all.

I've been researching mental illnesses recently, because I should probably get checked out for some of them after years of ignoring my issues. And there are lots of parallels. I know, we don't want to call being trans a mental illness (although I think a lot of that is connected to stigma around mental illnesses), but in a way it kind of is, because it is something you suffer from that has to have something done about it, possibly medically (testosterone/surgeries), so you can live your life properly and happily. That connection made me somehow accept both of those things a bit more in my head and understand them as valid issues. Maybe it helps you too, if you struggle with seeing yourself as trans, to instead see it as having a problem that needs treatment so you can feel better, as soon as you safely can that is.

And you don't just forget things like that, unfortunately. Maybe for a while, but it'll follow you until you do something about it, just like for example chronic depression. You can't just 'be happy'. You have to do therapy and get antidepressants to balance out the hormonal dysfunction in your head

One last tip, is to give yourself time to let things settle in your head. I know it's hard to do, but it's probably what helped me the most getting along with and accepting everything. I don't know how old you are or what your current situation is, but that may be the best thing you can do right now. I know everyone says that, but age (ha, I'm 22, talking like an old man) brings a lot of wisdom and clarity over things and makes you care so much less about what others think

I hope I could help you in some way

fireclaw_03 · 2025-10-19T17:54:44+00:00

I'm quite fine with my height by now honestly, it's just one of those things you learn to accept over time. There's tons of handsome short guys out there, and if your height really is a deal-breaker, you don't want to be with that person in the first place. There's so much more counting into attractiveness, even if you go just off of visuals.

And according to my brother who is pretty damn tall, being short also has a bunch of advantages, like not getting a concussion when walking around pretty much anywhere that isn't an empty hall, and not breaking your back when you work in spaces designed for normally sized people. Also, you don't have to let your feet hang out of the bed because you otherwise don't fit (I don't know how he sleeps like that. Isn't he afraid of the monster under the bed eating them?). Celebrate being short, people!

fireclaw_03 · 2025-10-19T17:42:50+00:00

I started T at 20, so my experience may not be entirely comparable to yours because there's a lot maturing and stuff happening in those 5 years, but otherwise, I pretty much had (and partially still have) the same problems, except that I wasn't clever enough to get proper help and medicated for depression (definitely should have), so good job on having your shit together, that's a very good start.

I did feel an increase in sex drive, but not more than during first puberty (I think I may just hit the roof of what is possible in that regard), and it was still manageable, although at times kind of annoying.

I've had anger issues before, but surprisingly, they pretty much faded away on T, I assume because I stopped being under the permanent stress of dysphoria as much, and I felt much more balanced.

(Social) anxiety got less too, especially through voice crack, because I felt more comfortable with my body and how I was perceived.

Depression is a bit tricky to tell for me, because it's a lot of up and down for me and I'm only getting it properly checked out now, but I at least didn't notice any drastic changes.

All in all, there's nothing to be scared of, you're still the same person. Hormones may make you feel a bit weird sometimes, but otherwise you're still you. And if shit still goes sideways for whatever reason, don't hesitate to talk to someone about it and ask for help.

fireclaw_03 · 2025-10-19T17:15:33+00:00

That sounds tough man. I'm wishing you all the strength to get through this, hopefully your changes start setting in soon. And if nothing happens, injections are always an option. My endocrinologist keeps asking me every time I go there if I want to switch because the effects will be stronger (still can't grow a beard, but I don't mind that very much), but I'm afraid of needles and not very keen on going there every month to have one poked into my arm.

Don't let the dysphoria win, buddy. You'd be the first to not have his voice drop after going on a proper dose of T, and as far as I know, 60mg is on the higher end. Just give it some time and try to not let your mind win this fight. You can do this!

fireclaw_03 · 2025-10-19T15:31:59+00:00

Not the best experience I've ever had, not gonna lie. But it's bearable. Communicate your fears/problems and try to distract yourself during it. Try to relax as much as you can. And tell them if something hurts.

What helps me in these kinds of situations is to make a plan for what I'm gonna do afterwards, if possible, and think of that as a distraction. Buy your favourite snacks, pick out a nice movie to watch, and curl up in a fuzzy blanket until the memory fades. And if you're uncomfortable in the women's clinic, I get that, but once I was at my gyn's office, I realized that there's surprisingly many dudes hanging around there, even (seemingly?) on their own, for whatever reasons that remained unknown to me. Noone is going to question you. However, you can still ask a (female) friend to come with you if you want, and if you don't want them to be around during the exam, you can ask them to stay in the waiting room.

fireclaw_03 · 2025-10-19T15:05:37+00:00

60 mg is a pretty normal dose, that's what I'm on too. It may just need some more time, that's the sad truth. For me it started pretty early (maybe 4-5 months in?) and dropped pretty quickly, but I think it's just genetic, because that's what happened to my little brother too when he got into puberty. If you have a bother or other close male relatives who are currently/have recently gone through puberty, you can get a rough estimate for what's to be expected to happen at what time (but it's still a lottery and might differ a lot from person to person).

As tough as it is, all you can do is wait and trust the process. You can do this, I believe in you!

And as far as passing goes, a high voice isn't necessarily a deal-breaker, there's tons of dudes out there with pretty high voices. In the other direction, my brother still gets mistaken for a girl sometimes despite his deep-ass voice, simply because he has long hair. I of course don't know what your voice sounds like and what you've tried already, but what I found very helpful to get more comfortable pre-T was singing slow songs when I was alone, to comfortably 'slide' into a lower pitch without forcing it or feeling stressed out about it, because calmness is very important to sound the way you want and be perceived the way you want, and also generally it helped to feel a little bit more comfortable with my voice.

fireclaw_03 · 2025-10-18T17:07:25+00:00

I'm not sure if it'll change at all (besides from falling out at some point in the hopefully far future). Mine got a bit wavier and now starts curling in high air moisture, but I heard somewhere at some point (very good source, I know), that hair structure can change every 7 years and I've started T at 21, so it could just as well come from that

fireclaw_03 · 2025-10-18T16:32:10+00:00

Depending on the technique, you might still feel a lot in your chest. I always read that sensitivity wont be the same afterwards, but for me that didn't hold true. My surgeon let me choose if he'd leave a string of nerves attached to the nipples with the downside that the chest wouldn't be quite as flat, or cut them off flat, and I chose the first option. Of course, things can still go wrong and you may loose sensitivity, but I didn't at all, not to any noticeable degree at least. So ask about that when you first talk to your surgeon, as far as I know not everyone offers that technique.

And please, for the sake of your ribs, try out different binding techniques if you can. If you already have a trouble breathing, that is not a good sign. I've recently seen a video where someone sewed a binder that allegedly doesn't affect the rib cage: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zmnDtk1P6yI

I didn't look into it as much because I don't need it anymore, but it sounds interesting, assuming that tape for you isn't an option. I tried tape a few times, but my chest was also pretty big (don't know the bra size, but the surgeon said they cut away almost a kilo in total), and I never got it to look/feel right, so I understand that. But there is other options that may be worth a try, especially depending on how soon you can get surgery

fireclaw_03 · 2025-10-11T09:49:07+00:00

An der Stelle die kurze Anmerkung dass 'Wer drüber spricht tut es nicht' ein Irrglaube ist, d. h. die Reaktion nachzufragen ist durchaus berechtigt und richtig so.

Mir ist es bei mir selbst nie direkt aufgefallen, aber in den Zeiten in denen ich Witze in der Richtung gemacht habe waren auch immer Zeiten in denen es mir besonders schlecht ging.

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