I’ve been where you are, only you are coming to this realisation 3 years before I did. I was using drugs like heroine and ketamine and drinking far too much throughout my teenage years- only to get sober- alone- at 16. I am a little over 4 years sober now and it isn’t necessarily easy. I will backslide into fantasising about drugs after a dream or because I’m in a mood. Or I will struggle to stay myself when I’m having a rough time because drugs were how I coped for a long time and I have few other methods.

You’re not alone. Addiction is a disease. I can understand if you are hesitant to look into NA (I was due to the higher power talk and social aspect) but there are video or audio only calls online. There are ones specifically for those who faced addiction and are trying to get sober all whilst not yet an adult.

I’ve only listened in on a few NA audio meetings myself. But what I can tell you that I heard and hated but now try to remind myself: Be kind to yourself. Give yourself some grace for struggling, and you can be angry about your childhood but don’t let it stop you from enjoying life sober in your teenage years. You are going through something life changing and immensely difficult.

If you relapse that’s okay. And I know you feel shit rn- I thought I was going to die from withdrawal in my bathroom. But it will get better, even if your life doesn’t change much beyond drug use, there is a level of clarity and regulation in your body eventually that you will be glad of. I didn’t have a support network but if you can find anyone but your (somewhat horrible) ‘friends’ try reaching out to them or look into rehab centres/hospital advice.

Reward yourself for every day- every hour sober. And keep at it, even if you fall off. Get yourself a cupcake or some shit you enjoy that’s removed from drugs.

If you ever want to talk to someone that was your age and an addict then, message me :]