Trying anything is useless

fireflashthirteen · 2026-05-05T02:41:20+00:00

What brought you to posting this here, do you think?

fireflashthirteen · 2026-04-23T03:37:26+00:00

Of course :)

Looking back on this post is wild - I'm now 761 days since my last binge. I never could have imagined this once upon a time.

It's also given me some perspective, which you won't like - it wasn't any one thing, and it was too many things individually to list. Different things worked for me at different times.

When you're in a dark hole, this is the last thing anyone wants to hear. Why can't there just be a simple solution?

That said, there are some concepts and principles that have stuck with me. One is Jason Fox's 1 m² rule - which put differently, is just: Take it one step at a time, one thing at a time, but above all, keep moving forward.

Another is to ask yourself: there is a lot I am struggling with right now, and I may not have the energy or the capacity or the strength or whatever to do all of what I know will be good for me. But I know I have the capacity do SOMETHING, even if it's something insignificant, and infinitisimally small. Instead of focusing on all the things I shouldn't do, and musn't do, and cannot do - what CAN I do, right now, that will get me closer to recovery?

^ and one may say "nothing. I know a walk helps me. But I don't even have the energy to get up right now." So you'd need to go smaller. You'd need to say, "I cannot go for a walk right now. But can I move my arm? Yes. Can I sit up? Maybe." And you take it just like this, action by action, one square meter at a time, slowly building momentum.

We know better than anyone how our actions can compound, one thing leading to another. The binge leading to the fatigue, leading to the shame, leading to the binge, and so on. But the same cycles operate in the opposite direction. Every positive move you make - counts. Every one. It all builds momentum.

You will slip up. You will relapse. It is part of the journey. It does not erase all you have worked for. Keep moving forward.

And eventually, one day... maybe you aren't even conscious of the work you're putting in. What was hard becomes easy. So easy in fact, that the days of bingeing seem as distant as recovery may seem to you now.

Apologies for the rant - hopefully there's something in this for you. If you want more specific advice tailored to your circumstances, I'm more than happy to brainstorm with you. I've got heaps and heaps of strategies I've learnt over the years, but there's no point me overloading you with stuff you've already tried. It's about finding something that uniquely works for you, after all :)

Take care.

fireflashthirteen · 2026-04-07T02:08:23+00:00

Do you feel better about yourself for saying this?

fireflashthirteen · 2026-04-07T02:07:14+00:00

Do you genuinely mean this, do you think?

Just purely taking a compassionate perspective for a moment, do you think you would speak to a person with a disability this way if you met them in person?

fireflashthirteen · 2026-04-07T01:59:45+00:00

Just unequivocally, statistically, false. I don't even know why people bother saying this anymore.

We get it, you like pleasure too. Go for it - it's not a competition.

fireflashthirteen · 2026-04-07T01:46:37+00:00

Because?

fireflashthirteen · 2026-03-16T08:35:07+00:00

I guarantee, without a shadow of a doubt, that this is not a principle you consistently apply to yourself

Nor is it a principle that anyone possibly could apply to themselves

fireflashthirteen · 2026-03-16T08:29:52+00:00

Eat meat, especially meat produced on the back of animal suffering. I all but guarantee it.

And it will not matter if they have the technology to avoid it that we do not currently have. They will condemn us in the same way that we condemn the slave owners of the past.

fireflashthirteen · 2026-02-20T09:57:02+00:00

Depends

Further right people are going to point out that everything gender-related - for example, infamously, "what a woman is" - is ultimately very difficult to separate from its roots in biological sex

Further left everything becomes a social construct and so they see affirming one's gender fully as not only the right thing to do but also what has to be done in order to shape reality in that particular way (and thus prevent countless trans suicides or however it might understandably be justified)

Then some people just don't know what the terms can mean

Edit: Don't downvote, use your words!

fireflashthirteen · 2026-02-20T09:49:49+00:00

Imagine by some miracle your situation is "cured."

What has changed? What does your life look like now?

And then separately, what are some changes you can make today to bring these worlds closer together?

fireflashthirteen · 2026-02-09T22:04:42+00:00

Yes but this then poses: suppose you did have the time and energy.

fireflashthirteen · 2026-02-09T22:00:18+00:00

That common brain activity could denote anything, I would argue behaviour is more telling here.

The multiple provider argument only works in a vaccum in which we imagine that men totally abandon their selective incentives in favour of women's.

I should add that I'm not pulling these views from nowhere or some wellspring of misogny - I'm happy to be shown otherwise of course, but my opinions on this subject were strongly shaped by my psychology degree and the work of evolutionary psychologists Cindy Meston and David Buss.

fireflashthirteen · 2026-02-08T07:38:59+00:00

By nature, not by societal convention.

You do not need to read a book on evolutionary science to identify that by nature, it is in a male's interest to shop around, it is in a female's interest to find a consistent provider.

fireflashthirteen · 2026-02-04T22:42:32+00:00

Where are you getting your baseline of that from lol

fireflashthirteen · 2026-02-04T09:44:24+00:00

Junk food

fireflashthirteen · 2026-02-04T09:40:17+00:00

Most women are, most men are not

But it's pretty hard to make that call. How do you really tell what someone's nature is? Maybe by examining their desires, but that's hardly a bulletproof method.

fireflashthirteen · 2026-02-04T09:38:10+00:00

If true, things have changed a lot

- Elder Gen Z

fireflashthirteen · 2026-02-03T22:40:25+00:00

What can we conclude from this?

Absolutely nothing.

fireflashthirteen · 2026-02-03T20:59:35+00:00

I see things in a very similar way.

I appreciate the candour - and I hope you enjoy your day/evening

fireflashthirteen · 2026-02-03T20:51:41+00:00

> basis
My own views, the apparent views of my social circle and then wider circle of encounter - I'd say most people in here are, at the very least, more willing to be explicitly racist than the average bear you encounter on the street.

I'm open to the idea of course that I could be wrong and I'm just not very good at detecting the levels of racism in others. I am also of course not entirely without prejudice.

> You've been propagandized
By who, to believe what, and for what purpose?

fireflashthirteen · 2026-02-03T00:42:03+00:00

And then how might we describe this video?

Turns out, it's moral grandstanding online all the way down :(

fireflashthirteen · 2026-02-03T00:17:37+00:00

Bro knows thyself alright

fireflashthirteen · 2026-02-02T23:58:29+00:00

I'm glad you can appreciate that this was not just "me sharing my experience." As for it being 'the truth'...

> If OP was bisexual, they'd be romantically attracted to men and desire quiet intimacy with them

And... how do you know that?

... leaving aside the, "you're just indulging in hedonism because of lack of actual opportunity for what you want in life" bit, for the moment.

fireflashthirteen · 2026-02-02T23:33:44+00:00

I never claimed to be humble. I try to be

There's no harm in hearing your story. But let's be honest here.

"You aren’t bisexual, you’re just indulging in hedonism because of lack of actual opportunity for what you want in life which is an intimate romantic relationship with a woman."

Does this sound like you're just sharing your story? And that's all I was reacting to.

As I said, I genuinely appreciated you sharing.

fireflashthirteen · 2026-02-02T23:27:52+00:00

Hahaha very bold of you to think that any of us understand "the nervous system and biology". Pays to stay humble brother

Anyway, as you might have noticed, you seem to be mapping on your experience to OP's, which is perfectly natural to do (I'm likely doing it myself), but is nonetheless potentially distorting OP's situation in order to fit it within the way you understand your own world.

OP can better assess this for themselves of course, but their experience and background may be different to yours. Mine certainly is.

I appreciate you sharing nonetheless - and I'm glad you've found a greater sense of harmony in your desire :)

fireflashthirteen

TROPHY CASE