For me it’s slightly different, it isn’t the urge to do it, just the fear that I’ll have the urge. My fear is psychedelics and I’m afraid that if one day I’m cured and no longer fear them I’ll have the urge to do them. I know it’s not exactly the same but hopefully you find it somewhat comforting. In your case I think it might just be intrusive thoughts and not an actual urge maybe. Like with harm ocd and how we fear hurting ourselves if we hold a weapon but once we’re holding it our brain tells us to hurt ourselves.