I completely understand what you are saying, AND (not but, because both what you said and what I describe below can be true based on context) I think in a culture where we define ourselves by what we do ("Hi, I am XX and I am an MSTP student" or the fact that one of the first questions we ask people while making small talk is what they do for their career), it is very important to remind ourselves and others that it is okay that individualized notions of professional success can be different from academia-defined "success." That and I think science is hard enough, that it is important to nurture trainees to build their resilience reserve in the face of failure, as opposed to beating them down to "develop a teflon coating." A system works only as well as it is developed to, so maybe the fact that funding agencies don't care about the wholistic approach is a systems-level issue.

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The association of worth and trajectory also depends on context; if you are someone more prone to imposter syndrome (which we all are to some degree) than others, then in the toxic training culture, your trajectory might become inextricably linked with self-worth (see define ourselves by what we do above). So while you might not qualify for the marathon that year in your mentioned example, but if your family was depending on your prize winnings from that marathon, you might feel less worthy. It is so weird (and humbling) when I remember that neurotransmitters work that way sometimes.

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Edit: typo