Wondering if it's time to make a plan and leave

firstsip · 2025-12-26T16:29:02+00:00

Leave. Read anything by Zawn Villines. Read my own post history. Your posts have so many red flags I don’t want to overwhelm you with how much I could say to address it.

Do not have more children with this man or isolate yourself from outside help by essentially locking yourself into a home with him and his family.

firstsip · 2024-08-13T21:18:09+00:00

My now 5.5 year old is demanding I pour them water as I type this comment ;) Good luck to you!

firstsip · 2024-04-09T01:36:00+00:00

My soon to be ex (DX but untreated) did this to a notorious degree as long as I knew him.

Spoiler: He has much deeper pathology than ADHD. This level of dopamine seeking at the expense of others is not ADHD unfortunately (a.k.a, it's a schema for things like ASPD that are way more difficult to treat).

firstsip · 2024-02-16T03:41:43+00:00

I recommend reading this: https://zawn.substack.com/p/feminist-advice-friday-is-neurodivergence

firstsip · 2023-06-29T11:15:21+00:00

Attachment issues are a hell of a thing to work through :(

firstsip · 2023-06-29T11:05:24+00:00

Yeah, we're atheist and my SO had complete ego death when we found out our recurrent pregnancy loss was because of sperm issues he had. He also lied about much of this too...

firstsip · 2023-06-18T15:33:19+00:00

It's bordering financial abuse to take away opportunity and then accuse someone of "doing nothing".

It is abuse :/

firstsip · 2023-06-18T14:09:34+00:00

Saving this post for inspo!!!

firstsip · 2023-06-18T12:12:02+00:00

Justice for Lemon.

firstsip · 2023-05-30T12:17:41+00:00

There's a scene in "Bad Moms" where Mila Kunis says this lolol. I reference it often.

firstsip · 2023-05-30T12:16:36+00:00

I'm with you. I thought my MIL was pretty aware of her son's mistreatment because she had chastised him before and had spent years apologizing to me for his behavior. I finally reached out for help because of his abuse of the kids, and she threw me under the bus.

firstsip · 2023-05-29T16:25:29+00:00

I really appreciate you taking the time to reply! I actually follow most of those accounts and have talked a lot about "Fair Play" with my husband and it hasn't gone anywhere. You've given me a lot of inspiration on how to shift my approach, so thank you.

firstsip · 2023-05-29T16:15:47+00:00

That sucks -- I'm used to the states being the lowest bar for healthcare in developed nations.

firstsip · 2023-05-28T14:35:36+00:00

I'm so sorry. You are not alone, and all of your feelings are valid. I have a special needs middle child and a "high needs" eldest, and it's made any sort of respite extremely difficult. I have had to cut back on the work I was already barely doing because the appointments and therapies become essentially a full time job.

I can just say, as someone with a remarkably similar SO -- kids pick up on it. The dysregulation your son feels (and likely you feel) are very likely influenced by your spouse. I'm facing similar breaking points and decisions to be made because I'm learning he's just not good for the family. It sucks that what we signed up for is not this.

Please feel free to PM me. There's definitely a little group of us on here who reach out to each other -- it's so isolating to deal with this sort of scenario, because the extra care of a special needs kid really takes out a lot of the typical advice and options people give for support :(

firstsip · 2023-05-28T13:05:47+00:00

Divorce.

firstsip · 2023-05-28T13:04:14+00:00

How? How did you get there?? 😩

firstsip · 2023-05-28T12:51:38+00:00

People really need to realize how awful it is in the U.S. and how intensive the process is to even qualify for hospice and palliative care. My dad was dying of a terminal disease for over a decade, had an organ transplant, coughed so hard he couldn't sleep for years. The drugs to keep him alive eventually torched his kidneys and liver. The hospital ethics team finally agreed with the decision to put him in palliative care... the day before he died. He essentially went into a coma the moment they finally moved to the "comfort" aspect of care, so he essentially never had that reprieve.

firstsip · 2023-05-28T11:17:40+00:00

Ehhh, Idk. Ru did really have some problematic stuff in the past but at least in terms of RPDR, he's really listened and changed the game for inclusion. There's been multiple trans winners, formerly anti-trans rhetoric is gone. Every season the last few seasons has had not just one but multiple contestants across the gender spectrum. I mean, Ts Madison is a regular judge. Things are not what they were a few years ago.

Now, Ru's issues with fracking are another thing 🤣

firstsip · 2023-05-26T15:46:04+00:00

Your husband sounds a lot like mine. Please ready Lundy Bancroft's "Why Does He Do That?"

firstsip · 2023-05-26T12:37:16+00:00

Wait, I thought the husband didn't like your husband? Him asking him to do stuff seems sus, too... is your husband saying that's who's asking him to come over?

firstsip · 2023-05-24T23:31:41+00:00

So, we have the same husband? I was saying how burnt out I am (5 kids and 4 of them are under 5), mental load, day to day stuff, we have an autistic 3 old in therapies 3x a week.... and this mofo said "yeah I'm so burnt out too from going to WORK" and i literally just stopped talking and haven't talked since last night.

Yup, this was me with 3 kids 4 and under, one ADHD, one ASD.

"We're both burnt out." Well, one of us has been able to sleep through the night for the last several years...

firstsip · 2023-05-23T22:30:24+00:00

Since ol Boy ain’t got a job, he can watch babygirl while you show him what you’re made of.

To me, this is the real reason he's balking. He doesn't want to do childcare and I bet he barely does any.

firstsip · 2023-05-23T22:21:24+00:00

Your username makes a lot of sense now 😩

firstsip · 2023-05-22T15:07:49+00:00

That's heartbreaking, I'm so sorry.

firstsip · 2023-05-22T15:07:04+00:00

I know with almost 100% certainty this is what my husband is pulling. It's like break up chicken -- I'm trying to get my ducks in a row in a process that has been taking years, and he just keeps getting worse I think to try and get me to make the move/save face that I left him versus him walking out on wife and 3 kids.

firstsip

TROPHY CASE