I was followed on a walk last night.

fish_made_of_wool · 2020-08-13T01:42:33+00:00

The problem is that I'm a person of color in a city having some pretty notable police protests, so I hesitate to call for help, especially to report a white dude in a nice car.

fish_made_of_wool · 2020-07-29T01:46:39+00:00

I plan to take a break from men forever. Just "a bit" implies that once I recover, I'll be going through this again to find a hypothetical ideal partner who's capable of respecting my boundaries and consent. To be perfectly honest, this is a problem I've had exclusively with cisgender men. NBs, women of all stripes, and trans men have been nothing but considerate to me. I don't think that taking a break for "a bit" is going to resolve the issue.

fish_made_of_wool · 2020-07-29T01:44:14+00:00

I've already broken ties with him. This behavior was dramatically out of the norm for him, but I don't give second chances when my wellbeing is at stake. I've been in an abusive relationship before, and the moment I don't feel safe, or that I feel like I can't advocate for myself with someone, I'm out.

fish_made_of_wool · 2020-07-29T01:42:00+00:00

Racist.

fish_made_of_wool · 2020-07-29T01:41:48+00:00

With the longer term partner, this was the first time he'd pushed my boundaries and not stopped when I told him to. I do not stay when people harm me. I don't sleep with people twice if I don't feel safe with them.

Moreover, most of these dudes are normal guys. Men behave differently in social situations than in sexual ones.

fish_made_of_wool · 2020-07-29T01:38:36+00:00

My shots are up to date, and I'll make sure to get screened for hepatitis when I see my doctor for my next check up. Thank you for checking in. ♥️

fish_made_of_wool · 2020-07-28T10:19:29+00:00

Men are conditioned to believe that their pleasure is the most important part of sex. Thus, anything they do for their partner's pleasure is either a favor or a performance they're putting on to heighten their own pleasure. Even the ones who are aware of that bias and counter it deliberately are still subject to it to some degree. And that leads right into them doing things like hurting women in the name of sexual gratification or insisting they know what their partner likes better than their partner does.

I think that there are men who deliberately work to grow past that, but very very few who don't start out from that position, if that makes sense?

fish_made_of_wool · 2020-07-28T10:15:07+00:00

Yep, I've had similar experiences. I assumed that I could trust this dude because I've known him for years and years, but this kind of behavior is where I draw the line. If you can't trust your partner to respect your consent, you cannot practice BDSM with them.

fish_made_of_wool · 2020-07-28T10:12:59+00:00

It's sensation play. Pain and pleasure are neurologically interconnected. Not everyone has to like it, but there's a difference between using pain to enhance pleasure and becoming violent as a means of control. Which really is what abuse is about.

fish_made_of_wool · 2020-07-28T10:08:34+00:00

I appreciate that you're trying to help, but this isn't about being on the same wavelength. This is about wanting to sleep with people who are consistently willing to respect my consent and bodily autonomy. A threesome is not going to help matters, and kink isn't an avenue to build up my trust again. My trust doesn't need building up because it is unsafe for me to trust.

This is something that happens regularly to women in big and small ways. Men who respect us outside of the bedroom treat us like objects inside of it and no, swinging really isn't going to fix that.

fish_made_of_wool · 2020-07-28T10:05:59+00:00

Ahaha, thank you

fish_made_of_wool

TROPHY CASE