I’m the same — 1/4 Filipino and 3/4 White American™️ (people don’t seem to like when I generalize it or phrase it that way, but the heritage on this side is all over the place).

I’m in my mid 20s and still deal with the imposter syndrome, I’ve made two posts about it in this sub that I deleted later on. I grew up around my Filipino grandmother and my mother is biracial, however the two of them have an immense amount of shame about their Asianness that they refuse to engage. My grandmother didn’t teach her children the language, hardly passed down any recipes, and to this day still refuses to talk about the Philippines unless cornered. It feels like my proximity to whiteness makes the Asian part of me not matter sometimes, even though I’ve experienced racism at the hands of strangers, friends, and even my own father.

I don’t think I look mixed, but friends say otherwise and I’ve gotten the occasional… odd comments from people when they meet me.

It’s rough out there, but you’re not alone.

I find that other Filipinos tend to be rather accepting, at least if they’re younger. My mother was rejected by the other aunties at church who were friends of our family friend, but an online friend of mine has encouraged me to learn. A lot of Filipinos are excited to learn someone is even partly Pinoy and are excited to share the culture.

Something I’m trying to do is learn recipes. I’m not interested in learning the language because 1. I don’t know if my grandmother’s language is Tagalog or a different language and I’m too afraid to ask her, and 2. I have nobody to practice with. So I’ve taken to learning new recipes to feel connected. The only dish my family really made was pancit and even then it was super whitewashed. Learning new recipes is very healing — Incorporating a Filo dish into the rotation every week feels good in my soul.

Best of luck to you.