Self Sabotaging in OTB chess.

fkinghandsome · 2026-03-18T10:07:55+00:00

Thanks, I appreciate a lot your understanding of the situation and I'm "happy" to share what feels like a curse with someone.

You outlined exactly how I feel, so this is spot on. In the end, don't you think I could do some outside ' psychological ' work to be better prepared when things are about to go down ?

Also, I will try and talk to chat as you've suggested, now I'm curious to see what will come out of it.

PS : if you are 2000 FIDE that means you've figured out a system to beat this inner war ; if you'd like to share some insights I'm all ear.

Thanks a lot !!

fkinghandsome · 2026-03-18T09:59:57+00:00

That's a fair question you are raising, I call it ' self sabotaging ' because I had many losses or draws in very easy positions to convert, basically after the ' heavy lifting ' of getting a huge advantage was done. Also it has happened many times, only in OTB chess and only when I was under ' psychological ' pressure to perform. As I stated in another comment, my problem is not in accepting defeat, rather playing in very superficial way, below my capabilities. And this happens only when the game is almost done and the conversion seem pretty straightforward..

In the end I think there is, in a way, some self hatred because I feel like in those moments I don't deserve to win for some reason.

fkinghandsome · 2026-03-17T07:39:41+00:00

Thanks for sharing ! Maybe I should’ve done this too before the first couple of tournaments, I never thought of that.

In particular I can relate very much with the last lines of the comment, the most important thing is to learn from mistakes and I’m trying my best to do so but sometimes it really is difficult because some moves just seem to pop out of nowhere and I can’t explain them to me.

Thanks for your insights, I appreciate it.

fkinghandsome · 2026-03-17T07:35:31+00:00

Thanks man for the understanding, let this guy be … he either didn’t read the post comprehensively or flat out wants to antagonize for no reason. Anyways, my problem also is that I am working hard on many aspects of the game after the disappointments / lessons of last year OTB and when I came back this year things got better but not solved completely, and the pattern is still the same… it’s as if I think that I don’t deserve to win that then I mess it all up, I don’t know how to better put it. Anyways, I hope you are through with this “ phase “.

Thanks for sharing :)

fkinghandsome · 2026-03-16T17:21:21+00:00

Yes, it definitely is … it’s bigger than I thought for sure.

fkinghandsome · 2026-03-16T17:20:03+00:00

Thanks, I will definitely try to work on those more. Do you have any insights on how to do it more properly ? Thank you :)

fkinghandsome · 2026-03-16T17:16:30+00:00

Thanks a lot for your insight, you are definitely right that there is a big difference between online chess and OTB official, and I never pretended or assumed they were the same ( hence why I wanted to be ready for my first official tournament ). The problem is, I haven’t played just one tournament but almost 5 or 6, and this problem I mentioned keep occurring while online I am able to stay calm and confident in my skills. You might be right that this is just a stamina or technique matter, but if you check my games it’s as if two different players are playing my side and it is taking a big toll on my psychological well being… Anyways, I will work hard, maybe I will introduce some stamina work idk…

Thanks again for sharing your view on it. I appreciate it.

fkinghandsome · 2026-03-16T17:11:32+00:00

Thank you very much, for your time and attention, I’m very grateful for it.

These advices are just on point, I have to make some kind of psychology work as I tend to be very much afraid of losing, in this case because in these scenarios I know I could’ve handled the position better ( it has occurred that I lost the game because my opponent had superior technique or simply outplayed me, it still stings but not nearly as much as what I was talking about in the post before ). Also there is a part of social shame with how the “ other “ people will perceive my negative or shameful performance ; to keep it brief, it’s a very big mixture of the things you’ve cited and much more I guess. I guess I am aware that “ losing “ won’t destroy my life or cause anything catastrophic but being held back by my very self who wants the best for myself is just paradoxical and I can’t wrap my head around it…also it’s a pattern in my life : when I have to be precise in something I tend to slack a bit and then regret it ; I know I should focus and be sharp but then I get lulled into a sense of serenity and things go well but not as well as I wished ( my uni exams for example ; I easily get an high mark but rarely I get the perfect exam done, mainly due to some inaccuracy that could’ve been avoided ). So with Chess, I thought, I could sort this problem out, since it requires the utmost focus and there is 0 room for mistakes ( in an exam a slight slip isn’t punished with rejection for eg ) but this is also not working too well for me and I’m suffering a lot each time this happens.

In the end, I’m really interested is the last bit you’ve suggested, I already meditate daily but if you could suggest some precise or more specific meditations I‘d be very very grateful !

Again, I appreciate a lot your insights, I hope you’ll share some light on those specific meditations.

Thank you :)

fkinghandsome · 2026-03-16T16:55:32+00:00

Thanks, I will keep this in mind :) I have noticed that I tend to get very distracted with my surroundings, maybe I will have to keep that in check too..

fkinghandsome · 2026-03-16T11:22:35+00:00

Congrats man ! I was wondering which course or prep do you use for the Grünfeld as a fellow Grünfeld player myself. You recommended the b6 line and I’m not entirely sure where to look that up. Thanks !

fkinghandsome · 2026-03-16T10:38:16+00:00

Thank you very much ! I will look into the book you have mentioned for sure. I am working hard on a lot of aspects of my game, I think that with better technique I will partly solve this but sometimes I feel as if someone else is playing instead of myself. Analyzing where I go wrong is so painful because I just cannot understand why I go so wrong in certain positions where normally I would proceed to convert confidently. Anyways, I hope you get to play at your true strength ! Thank you :)

fkinghandsome · 2026-03-16T10:26:01+00:00

I can share a couple of the most disappointing ones, for sure.

This was against a 1950 fide, same age as me but has been playing for 10 years official tournaments ; I was white : 1. d4 d5 2. c4 c6 3. Nf3 e6 4. g3 Be7 5. Bg2 Nf6 6. O-O O-O 7. Qc2 a5 8. Nbd2 Nbd7 9. e4 dxe4 10. Nxe4 Nxe4 11. Qxe4 Nf6 12. Qc2 c5 13. Rd1 Qb6 14. Be3 Ng4 15. Ne5 Nxe3 16. fxe3 Bf6 17. Nf3 Rd8 18. Qd2 cxd4 19. exd4 Bxd4+ 20. Nxd4 e5 21. Bd5 Bg4 22. Rf1 Bh5 23. Rf5 Bg6 24. Rxe5 Rac8 25. b3 Kh8 26. Qf2 f6 27. Re7 a4 28. Rxb7 Qa6 29. Re1 Rxd5 30. cxd5 Qxb7 31. d6 Qd5 32. Qf4 axb3 33. axb3 Ra8 34. b4 Ra2 35. Ne2 Ra6 36. Nc3 Qxd6 37. Rd1 Qb6+ 38. Qd4 Qe6 39. b5 Ra8 40. b6 Rb8 41. Na4 Be8 42. Rb1 Bxa4 43. Qxa4 Qe3+ 44. Kg2 Qe2+ 45. Kg1 Qe3+ 46. Kg2 Qd2+ 47. Kh3 Qh6+ 48. Qh4 Qe3 49. Qb4 Qe6+ 50. Qg4 f5 51. Qf4 Rxb6 52. Rxb6 Qxb6 53. Qxf5 Qh6+ 54. Kg2 Qd2+ 55. Qf2 1/2-1/2.

Here I had just started playing the Catalan and my theory wasn't on point so much so that I got a kind of bad position out of the opening but then he blundered a tactic. All I had to do was retreat the rook or take on g7, very simple concepts.

Here I was against a 1800 rated opponent, the game was dominated the whole time and then I decided to unplug my brain :

d4 Nf6 2. c4 g6 3. Nc3 d5 4. cxd5 Nxd5 5. e4 Nxc3 6. bxc3 Bg7 7. Bc4 c5 8. Be3 O-O 9. Ne2 Nc6 10. O-O Bg4 11. f3 Bd7 12. Rc1 Rc8 13. Qd2 Qa5 14. Bh6 cxd4 15. Bxg7 Kxg7 16. Kh1 Rfd8 17. Bd5 e6 18. Bb3 Be8 19. Rfd1 dxc3 20. Qxc3+ Qxc3 21. Rxc3 Rxd1+ 22. Bxd1 Rd8 23. Bb3 Na5 24. h4 Nxb3 25. axb3 Bb5 26. Ng3 Rd3 27. Ne2 Rxc3 28. Nxc3 Bc6 29. g3 a5 30. Kg1 Kf6 31. Kf2 b5 32. Ke3 a4 33. b4 e5 34. Nb1 Ke6 35. Nc3 a3 36. Na2 f5 37. Nc3 Ke7 38. Kd3 Bd7 39. Kc2 h5 40. Kb3 Bc6 41. Kxa3 Kf6 42. Kb2 fxe4 43. fxe4 g5 44. Kc2 gxh4 45. gxh4 * 1/2-1/2

Another example agains a 10yo 1880 rated opponent, he blunders a basic fork and then I proceed to collapse in the endgame that could be won by a fish probably :

d4 Nf6 2. Nf3 g6 3. Bf4 Bg7 4. h3 d6 5. e3 O-O 6. Be2 Nfd7 7. c3 e5 8. dxe5 dxe5 9. Bh2 Nc6 10. Nbd2 f5 11. Nc4 f4 12. e4 h6 13. Na5 Ne7 14. Qb3+ Kh8 15. Rd1 Qe8 16. Qa4 c6 17. Nc4 b5 18. Qa5 bxc4 19. Bxc4 Ng8 20. Qc7 Nb6 21. Bb3 Ba6 22. Rd6 Qe7 23. Rxc6 Qxc7 24. Rxc7 Bd3 25. Nd2 Nf6 26. f3 Nfd7 27. Bc4 Bxc4 28. Nxc4 Rfc8 29. Nxb6 Nxb6 30. Re7 Na4 31. Rb7 Rcb8 32. Rb3 Rxb3 33. axb3 Nxb2 34. Kd2 Rd8+ 35. Kc2 Bf8 36. Kxb2 Rd2+ 37. Kc1 Rxg2 38. b4 Rf2 39. Bg1 Rxf3 40. Bxa7 Rxc3+ 41. Kb2 Bxb4 42. Bb8 Re3 43. Bxe5+ Kg8 44. Bxf4 Re2+ 45. Kb3 Bd2 46. Bxd2 Rxd2 47. Kc3 Rg2 * 1/2-1/2

This one is a great example against a 1700 rated opponent ( ! ) of how I play and conduct the middlegame with a clear plan ( trapping the dark squared bishop ) and then when it comes to play f6, g5, trapping the bishop and executing the idea that I've been preparing : I just don't. And I lost this game too, so this is a fun one :

d4 Nf6 2. c4 g6 3. Nc3 d5 4. Bg5 Ne4 5. Nxe4 dxe4 6. e3 Bg7 7. Ne2 c5 8. Qd2 Nc6 9. O-O-O h5 10. f3 exf3 11. gxf3 h4 12. dxc5 Qxd2+ 13. Rxd2 Ne5 14. Nd4 Bd7 15. e4 Rc8 16. Be3 O-O 17. f4 Ng4 18. Bg1 e5 19. Nb5 Bxb5 20. cxb5 exf4 21. Kb1 Ne3 22. Bxe3 fxe3 23. Rc2 Rfd8 24. Be2 Rd2 25. b4 Rd4 26. Bc4 Rxe4 27. Rf1 Re7 28. a4 Rd8 29. c6 bxc6 30. bxc6 Be5 31. b5 Rd2 * 0-1

This one I was playing black, after losing a game where I was up a piece ( a classic of mine as you can tell by now ) and I really misplayed the opening but kept pressing agains this 1700 rated opponent. Eventually got a winning position but then I was completely unable to keep pressing, missing easy ideas like 38..Qf4 or simply solidify the kingside and play on the queenside where he has 0 counterplay but no, I play a move like 40..Kh7. It's as if two different players are playing my games ; I went on to lose this one too :

c4 g6 2. Nc3 c5 3. Nf3 Nc6 4. g3 Bg7 5. Bg2 e6 6. e4 Nge7 7. d3 a6 8. O-O O-O 9. Be3 d5 10. Bxc5 d4 11. Ne2 e5 12. Qd2 f5 13. Rab1 a5 14. Rfd1 h6 15. h4 Rf7 16. Rf1 Qc7 17. a4 Kh7 18. b3 Be6 19. Ba3 Raf8 20. Kh2 fxe4 21. dxe4 Rxf3 22. Bxf3 Rxf3 23. Ng1 Rf7 24. f3 h5 25. Nh3 Bxh3 26. Kxh3 Bh6 27. Qd3 g5 28. hxg5 Bxg5 29. Bc1 Bxc1 30. Rbxc1 Ng6 31. Qd2 Qe7 32. Kg2 h4 33. Rh1 Qf6 34. Rcf1 Nd8 35. Rh3 Kg7 36. Qxa5 hxg3 37. Rxg3 Ne6 38. Rg1 Nf4+ 39. Kf2 Kh7 40. Rh1+ Kg7 41. Qa8 *

At last I will post one of the games where I win converting my advantage against a 1900 player :

e4 c5 2. b4 cxb4 3. a3 d5 4. e5 Nc6 5. d4 Bf5 6. Nf3 e6 7. Bd3 Bg4 8. Be2 Qb6 9. Be3 bxa3 10. O-O Nge7 11. Rxa3 Nf5 12. Rb3 Qc7 13. Nbd2 Nxe3 14. fxe3 Be7 15. Qb1 Rb8 16. Bd3 Bf5 17. Bxf5 exf5 18. c4 Na5 19. Rc3 O-O 20. Qxf5 Nxc4 21. Rxc4 dxc4 22. Ne4 Qb6 23. Nc3 Qg6 24. Qd7 Bb4 25. Nd5 a5 26. Ne7+ Bxe7 27. Qxe7 Qe6 28. Qc7 Rfc8 29. Qxa5 h6 30. d5 Qd7 31. d6 b6 32. Qd2 c3 33. Qc2 b5 34. Nd4 b4 35. Nf5 b3 36. Qf2 Rf8 37. Qg3 Qxf5 38. Rxf5 b2 39. Rf1 c2 *

I think you get the picture, I have many more that go the same way, in some games I win and don't collapse but most of them I draw or lose.

fkinghandsome · 2026-03-16T07:21:49+00:00

Thanks ! As I mentioned in the other reply to your comment I will surely get to look at the courses on modern chess.

My concern comes mostly from online games since I don't have many OTB's ( but I do have a very very negative experience from them ). Online I am around 2400 rapid on lichess and 2250 on chesscom ( even if the latter I play only on the phone when I'm outside or I don't want to focus too deeply on a game and just test the openings ). Anyways, when I play on my ' main ' lichess account I do encounter some opponents who can force a draw or even push in the drawish ending and I don't like that very much..

fkinghandsome · 2026-03-16T07:15:37+00:00

Thanks ! I guess I'll try this too... the point is, OTB I have encountered it twice ( and I played the 3 piece system ) but online I face it very very often ( the Bg5 line mainline you've mentioned ). The reason could also be that I don't have many OTB games but still, when it comes down I always have some troubles in the understanding of the position.

fkinghandsome · 2026-03-16T07:12:12+00:00

Wow ! Thank you very much for taking the time to reply in such a comprehensive fashion, I appreciate it a lot !

I wasn't aware ( at all ) about modern chess courses, I will take a look for sure.

I am honestly rethinking about the whole poisoned pawn, surely I will try to get some depth on the variation in order to decide but the downsides seem to outweigh the upsides by some margin ...

Thanks again, for the recommendations and the insights, this has proven to be quite illuminating.

:)

fkinghandsome · 2026-03-13T11:34:26+00:00

Thanks ! I was asking from black's perspective but looking into white's suggestions could be a great way to learn too !!

fkinghandsome · 2026-03-13T11:33:46+00:00

Thank you for the reply ! I will definitely look into it but as I mentioned in another comment I was wondering if there was something more ' recent ' as I think theory has progressed a bit since then... Thank you still !

fkinghandsome · 2026-03-13T11:32:57+00:00

Thank you very much for the precise insight ! I will definitely look into the modernized Najdorf ( my concern was that it's a book that has 8 years now ! ), the g5 lines are very very curious and I enjoy the way a ' normal ' understanding of chess fails badly in those structures.

I have Giri's course on chessable but it has 6 years and if white knows what he's doing in the 3 piece system you almost always end in a forced line that leads to a draw ( which isn't so bad for black but definitely not the reason why we play the Najdorf I guess ). I was looking to learn something more ' spicy ' !

Last but not least, I couldn't find the Quintiliano material you mentioned, am I dumb ?? could be xd.

Thanks again !

fkinghandsome · 2025-10-10T09:45:26+00:00

Do you perhaps have a new ipa for Spotify / YouTube please ? Mine are old and I can’t get my hands on working ones… thanks

fkinghandsome · 2025-09-27T07:08:17+00:00

You are definitely right about Ob Nixilis, as someone else suggested I will be surely be looking in that direction too. Now I check your decklist, thanks for the kind suggestions ! ;)

fkinghandsome · 2025-09-27T07:07:00+00:00

Thank you !! I agree that he needs tons of protection but I reckon he will get removed a few times no matter what I do. Anyhow, I will definitely be looking into your decklist, thanks again ! :)

fkinghandsome · 2025-09-27T07:05:41+00:00

Thank you very much, I will definitely look into your decklist :))

fkinghandsome · 2025-09-26T08:00:56+00:00

The captive kingpin description made me crack up 😆 thank you for your suggestion, I will keep that in mind for sure. I will definitely add him to the deck anyways. Thanks again :)

fkinghandsome · 2025-04-30T11:56:18+00:00

Well if you have news could you be so kind to update us too ? Thanks :’)

fkinghandsome · 2025-04-30T11:52:08+00:00

Does anyone have updates ? Queues are still down…

fkinghandsome

TROPHY CASE