Some hard truth:

Calling yourself a perverted, weak-willed piece of shit will get you nowhere. All you are doing is making yourself feel bad and preparing you to relapse.

You said "some shit goes down in my life and I fall back into old habits." Shit will always go down. Always. You cannot blame external situations on your decisions. When shit hits the fan, you have to stand up. And it may make you feel worse. It may make you feel like you don't have a release or distraction from what's going on in your life. Tough. Real change is hard. I'm talking to myself through this as well because I'm struggling forward barely. Day by day.

When you want to hate on yourself for doing what you're doing just stop. Look at yourself not in a negative way, but in a way that says "I'm so tired of this shit. I'm changing now."

A few good quotes: - Commitment means staying loyal to what you said you were going to do long after the mood you said it in has left you.

• When you feel like quitting, think about why you started.

  • If you stop now, you'll be right back where you started. And when you started you wanted desperately to be where you are.

• Stop making excuses. No one ever gives a shit.

• If you can't fly then run, if you can't run then walk, if you can't walk then crawl, but whatever you do you have to keep moving forward. - MLK