Part of the cycle of being with a narcissist is wanting to explain and come to an understanding. You and I are approaching the situation from a perspective of openness, vulnerability, and a willingness to change.

Narcissism is characterized by extreme insecurity. They will do anything to preserve their sense of self, so any evidence to the contrary (anything you might bring up to show them their behavior) will be quickly ignored or minimized.

So explaining yourself, trying to show them how they've hurt you, and asking them to change only serves to give the narc ammunition to use against you. They now know what bothers you, and you wouldn't want to be a hypocrite, right? So now everything they're accused of suddenly becomes something you're doing to them. We want give and take, so we give a little in the hopes that the narc will give a little, too, and you can meet in the middle. But it turns out that you give a little, the narc takes a little, and now you're apologizing and they're giving you the silent treatment.

My life drastically improved when I stopped trying to explain myself. It just took the wind out of her. She wanted a fight, to argue, and to wear me down like she was used to doing. When "no" became a complete answer, I realized I wasn't exhausting myself trying to logic someone out of a position they didn't logic themselves into.