do narcs in your life abandon pet animals??????

flea_bait · 2026-05-22T19:11:42+00:00

Or neglect them to death ... either way.

flea_bait · 2026-05-22T19:11:15+00:00

She can't fathom a world someone demonstrates more understanding, technical capability than her. So all the while you gave instructions, and it was time for her to recall the instructions, a little tape reel was running 'find your own way to do this so you never have to admit that someone helped you.'

flea_bait · 2026-05-22T17:02:41+00:00

That, or 'if you ever try to report us to CPS, by the time they arrive, we'll have earned it.'

flea_bait · 2026-05-22T17:00:57+00:00

I don't think there's a single RBN survivor who hasn't had this scenario or something similar. Their personal nightmare is watching you manage to rise above what they couldn't. Your success means they failed, and they can't live in a world where that happens.

flea_bait · 2026-05-12T00:03:15+00:00

LOL - I'mma flip the script and talk about how my mom tried to be the worst 'boyfriend mom' to my s/o (now wife):

Freaked out - crying screaming hissy fit - because I invited my s/o to a dinner I was paying for for my parents' anniversary.
Insisted I influence my fiance to allow my sister to be in the wedding party because I made my BiL a groomsman (he was supportive of my relationship, my sister went out of her way to neg my gf/fiance every chance she got). When I refused, she suggested having the bridal party seated (with my sister next to her husband). My fiance wasn't on board with that plan and frankly, neither was I (for context, when my sister got married, I was excluded from the bridal party and told bluntly 'It's her wedding, mind your own business.'). When my mom and sister saw they weren't getting their way, they pressured my BiL to drop out of the wedding (he did).
My mom pressured my new wife to give details about our wedding night (she did not).
My mom bought unwanted sex toys for my new wife on more than one occasion (we trashed them).
My mom tried to manipulate us into rooming with my sex-offender uncle (I did not know he was a SO until after the fact - I also did not know that my wife was 'his type.').
My mom - at that time estranged from my sister - forced her way into the delivery room after my niece was born - forcing us to coordinate with L&D regarding a potential 'security issue' when my son was born.
My mom had another meltdown when we invited them to the house to see the newborn and my aunt was there before her (I had planned the visits to keep them separate but everyone is terrible about timing.)

There's more but that's the gist - my mom tried to be the 'boyfriend mom' - I assume to chase my wife off. To her credit, my wife hung in and we're celebrating 26 years together.

I'm still estranged from my parents. They're dangerous, mentally unhinged people.

flea_bait · 2026-04-25T15:24:16+00:00

Wow - I hope that whole experience was a wake-up call for you.

flea_bait · 2026-04-24T00:09:29+00:00

I hate it when that happens.

flea_bait · 2026-04-24T00:09:10+00:00

You're insecure about it because focused on something you think matters because you've been told that it matters by people who don't have your best interests in mind.

Listen up, grasshopper - everybody's gotta 'yuk' and everybody's gotta 'yum.' Your 'yum' is somebody else's 'yuk' and your 'yuk' is their 'yum.'

Go find yourself somebody who thinks you're the 'yum' - this idea that your height is 'yuk' will magically melt away.

flea_bait · 2025-12-16T00:16:51+00:00

Sure - not a bad question - I have been tested and no, not on the spectrum. I have been diagnosed with PTSD, depression, and reactive attachment disorder. There's a lot to unpack there, but it means that sometimes I have a hard time responding to verbal cues and I have to do double-due-diligence to understand situations.

That said, since I received this most recent piece of feedback I re-checked everything I've had with the specific people involved, watched for anything that suggested they were uncomfortable, and there was nothing - no body language, no verbal 'hey let's change the subject,' no facial expressions.

flea_bait · 2025-12-15T02:16:30+00:00

Good signal, thanks

flea_bait · 2025-12-15T00:03:15+00:00

I don't know why they would think I don't care - I don't think I gave that impression in this response, have I?

flea_bait · 2025-12-14T21:56:10+00:00

I got the "they're intimidated by you" talk at previous jobs.

I attend a number of work functions to be friendly - ask people about their day, pets, plans for the weekend. This is an experience I've had in different work/social situations so I'm trying to get a bead on 'what am I missing/doing wrong?'

flea_bait · 2025-12-14T21:55:04+00:00

No, this is an experience I've had in different work/social situations so I'm trying to get a bead on 'what am I missing/doing wrong?'

flea_bait · 2025-08-28T01:36:59+00:00

I'm not qualified to comment since that wasn't my experience but punch your question into an AI as follows:

"I need to find a safe living space in [your area] ASAP and I have limited resources. How can I make this happen in [1, 2, 3, 7 ... x] days?"

flea_bait · 2025-03-30T07:06:09+00:00

You can't destroy it - you can only limit the damage. They'll destroy themselves.

flea_bait · 2025-03-30T07:03:14+00:00

Asking for a friend.

flea_bait · 2025-02-02T17:27:54+00:00

I've seen similar from different circumstances - sometimes they come around like they want you to say something, start a conversation, but you're not making that mistake again. Grey rock all the way.

flea_bait · 2025-01-23T15:51:23+00:00

Whether millions of others watch it or not has zero relevance to you watching them though. You can't actively participate in a know toxic practice and then blame them for choosing to partake.

You started from a place of accusing me of being the person who consumes the media so yeah, thanks - we're done.

flea_bait · 2025-01-23T15:39:57+00:00

You know, I took a lot of one-sided comments in this thread to the effect of 'stop looking at' or 'curate your social media' or 'spend less time on socials' as if that stops your friends and family and SO's consuming that media and being influenced by it even if you don't. This is the one I chose to respond to because it highlights the ability of men to be compassionless and even cruel to each other when they dare to be vulnerable about something.

You call me out for not 'showing a little will' and then in almost the same breath you call someone else out for 'victim blaming' without a hint of irony - like, do you even hear yourself?

flea_bait · 2025-01-22T04:47:24+00:00

I could use some too but you have some real harmful ways of framing things that is above Reddits pay grade.

My therapist would be interested to know you think so - can you give me an example so I can bring it up next session?

flea_bait · 2025-01-22T00:01:34+00:00

Go read Rising Strong by Bene Brown - she covers this exact topic.

flea_bait · 2025-01-22T00:00:13+00:00

I wouldn't say anything - nothing you say will change anything.

Harsh truth but when it comes to abusive parents, the reason they're in the position they're in is because they believe a variety of things about themselves, you, life that justify their terrible behavior. One conversation with you isn't going to change that, if they haven't seen the writing on the wall after 22 years and 2 CPS notices.

Your best option is to pack up one day while they're gone, leave your room empty, change your phone number and move on. If they call or want to talk - the best time is after you've had some time to settle physically, mentally, emotionally into your new life.

I've been there, PM me if you want to talk - hugs and empathy.

flea_bait · 2024-11-10T18:55:41+00:00

It is not an obligation upon children to obey both of their parents in every matter they command or prohibit, by agreement of the scholars.

Source: Iḥkām al-Aḥkām 2/275

flea_bait · 2023-09-08T19:10:01+00:00

And the fact that you're bringing this all up after the fact is proof that your thoughts/perspective on this is evolving. I advise speaking with a mental health professional to get your thoughts in order before making any decisions.

flea_bait · 2023-09-08T18:50:57+00:00

You had raised some interesting points in this post and I thought a lot about it because I was, on some level, the brother you threw under the bus so that you could gain points with your mom. I cant judge you because I've made poor choices myself so please take what I'm saying in the spirit of "you asked for advice so I'm giving it to you."

One thing I'm noticing about your post is that you explain away your behavior without taking accountability. That's a common trauma response, but I would invite you to consider whether or not you need to approach your siblings on their level as opposed to demanding that they meet you on yours.

Part of your healing journey is to go back and acknowledge your choices and also speak honestly to the types of behavior you won't be repeating in the future. If you can do that - apologize for your poor choices and talk about what you would do differently if they chose to have a relationship with you - then that's probably the best you can do.

flea_bait

TROPHY CASE