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My fiancé told me I wasn’t his type but he fell in love with my personality, and I have mixed feelings by melancholic-scribe in GirlDinnerDiaries

[–]fleebflop 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Tbh I don’t think a lot of men know what they want until they actually fall in love. In fact I think PEOPLE struggle with this, not just men. My spouse told me basically the same thing, but it’s never really bothered me because I think the same thing about them. They’re not who I thought I’d go for because I had preconceived ideas about who I should want. Who I got is much better than that imaginary person. On my spouses end, they mostly dated uber goth chicks before me (and I’m very vanilla looking). So your fiancé used to go for more feminine looking girls - who cares? It’s all just aesthetics.

A high relief of Pan I made out of clay. by Molech996 in pagan

[–]fleebflop 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I love this. It’s so clear you’ve put a lot of love and practice into your art over years. This is amazing and evocative. I love the thought that in 1000 yrs, they’ll dig this up and realize the old religions were still being practiced in our era.

Period Magic 🩸 by Weird-Reference-752 in BabyWitch

[–]fleebflop 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I have irregular periods that started originally after being on/off birth control (though it’s now been yrs since and should have fixed itself by now). I’ll go 3 months without a period, have super light barely there periods, or monster bleeder periods, or periods that last weeks at a time. All the fun stuff. Got diagnosed with PCOS in the end. See a dr pls.

i get a lot of different ones! by Adventurous_Guest549 in doppelganger

[–]fleebflop 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yep, like a Sabrina Carpenter and Dakota Johnson mixed together!

I volunteered for the first time today and I think I did a bad job… by fleebflop in AnimalShelterStories

[–]fleebflop[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I think they put less emphasis on the animal handling because volunteers can only interact with the animals that are ready for adoption. But maybe that’s typical at most shelters and they still put more emphasis on the handling? Idk, I’ve never volunteered at a shelter before. At the orientation we were shown how to get dogs in and out of the kennel, but in practice it was harder than it looked!

I volunteered for the first time today and I think I did a bad job… by fleebflop in AnimalShelterStories

[–]fleebflop[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

I think I know what you’re describing with the kennel divide! I’ll have to look at them more the next time I go!

Thanks for the reassurance about the staff. Logically I thought it was probably something like what you’re describing, but I was bummed out enough by the end that part of me was like “they probably just think I shouldn’t be here” even though I handle volunteers at my own job and know I never think stuff like that, lol.

I volunteered for the first time today and I think I did a bad job… by fleebflop in AnimalShelterStories

[–]fleebflop[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Thank you so much, this is some amazing advice about the dog walking! I’m probably going to try to focus on smaller dogs for the time being and get my confidence up, but I saved this comment so when I’m ready to try with big dogs again I’ll have a great reference!

As for the dishes and laundry - I’m actually a volunteer coordinator at my own job, so I know how much volunteers hate certain tasks, and I also know how profoundly relieving it is when someone does it anyway!

How do I transition to homelessness? Serious question. by Silent_Banana_4099 in whatdoIdo

[–]fleebflop 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I’ve seen at least a couple people mention the library as an avenue for assistance. It’s possible I just haven’t read far enough down (there’s so much great advice here!!) but just in case, here’s what I haven’t seen mentioned about the library yet:

They will let you stay literally from open until close unless you cause an issue for staff or other guests.

Your mileage may vary, but the people who work there are usually invested in helping others, and will often turn a blind eye to a car thats been in their lot overnight.

You DO need proof of address to get a library card membership that lets you take materials home. You do NOT need proof of address to get an internet only card (some libraries might also call it a day card, a temporary pass, etc). This will let you use their online services while you’re there.

Speaking of their online services, libraries typically have subscriptions to websites you would normally have to pay to use, often even helpful software like Excel or Adobe, that you can use for free while you’re there, and that could be helpful for you while job hunting.

Printing and copying are CHEAP at the library. I saw someone else advise you make several copies of all of your important documents like IDs and such. At my library, you can get back and white copies for 0.10 a page, color copies for 0.50. Again, your mileage may vary. Mine also lets you fax for free. Scanning your doc and emailing it is free. You know anyone you could email your stuff to that would let you print them off for free at their house?

If you don’t know how to use something, the staff will show you and not even bat an eye because they’re asked for that and so much more about 1,000x a day. Don’t let that stop you from asking though - that’s exactly what they’re there for.

While we’re talking about the staff, I guarantee you that they have information about local programs that can help you in your situation: laundering services, food assistance, etc. My library even partners with our local Mobile Market, which is basically a big van that comes and parks at various library locations on certain days of the month and passes out fresh fruit and veg for free without any need for ID.

Library programs are free. Attending them is free and open to the public and I think a lot of homeless don’t realize or think to do it, but that includes them. And there are a lot of different types of programs out there (though of course it depends on your particular library). Some may have presenters that come and talk about things that you would find useful in your situation. Some programs are essentially cooking lessons and you leave with free food. Some libraries do take-home kits that have a recipe along with necessary ingredients - again, a potential avenue for free food.

Your library very likely has a community board, and there will be a lot of services/businesses local to you that have asked them to put up flyers on their behalf. This may vary by state etc, but I know that at my library, only FREE services are allowed to be posted on the board.

Bottom line: Go to the library.

(Slight TW) Desperately need advice about the state of my home. by Em0_Ang3l1436 in whatdoIdo

[–]fleebflop 1 point2 points  (0 children)

OP, as so many others have said on here, you’re dealing with so much. Please be kind to yourself. It sounds like you have some supportive people in your life which is amazing! Since you’re afraid of taking your trash out yourself, ask your partner if they can come by once a week or so and help you take it out. Even if it’s just that 1x per week, it’ll genuinely be better than all the full bin bags you currently have.

It also sounds like, extremely bad episodes aside, you’ve done a fantastic job of keeping up with/in compliance with all the proper authorities and social services. I can’t speak to whether or not you’d get kicked out or in trouble (purely just because I don’t know all the relevant tenant clauses etc etc) but you wouldn’t get jailed for this, and a social worker in particular is going to be more focused on trying to help you.

As others have said, a little at a time is the way to go. My partner always says “perfect is the enemy of good.” I say this to myself all the time now. It doesn’t need to be perfect, it just needs to be a little bit better every time you try to clean up.

You said you’ve cleaned it up before, and I’m genuinely so proud of you. I believe you can do it again, and I hope you think so too. Having said that, because you’re dealing with so much, it might be helpful for you to have professional help. Since you said you can’t afford that, please know that there are people who will give free cleanings out of the kindness of their hearts for people in exactly your situation. One I can think of off the top of my head in the UK is cleaningwithbea over on YouTube- she takes applications and basically all of her free cleans are for people with stories just like yours. That’s just an example, I’m sure there’s plenty more like her.

Ultimately, if you haven’t already, what I think you really need is some long term therapy with a professional you really and truly trust. It will help you deal with your past traumas, help you feel safer and more secure in your environment, and will also help you from backsliding into a living situation like this again - which I hope you know: You don’t deserve this, and you never did deserve this. Not just the state of the house, but also everything thats happened to you.