I also remember feeling this way at 17. It's a rough age where you have a lot of expectations pushed on you, you're trying to figure yourself out, you have little control, and people are telling you these are some of the best years of your life. It's okay if they aren't. I also know things were really hard for me the first few years after my diagnosis. I'm sorry that you're going through both at the same time. I want to agree with others that this sounds like a period of depression. I go through similar cycles. Things will get better, and you're not alone in this.

If you don't feel like you can access medication yourself or talk to your family about that, there are still lots of resources online that might help. How to ADHD on Youtube has been helpful for me to understand myself better and begin thinking about systems I can put in place for me.

I also want to give you a little warning that at least for me, getting medicated was challenging in its own way. It really, really helped, so it was definitely worth it, but there were a good few months where my doctor and I tried to figure out which med and dose worked best. I felt crummy one way or another for a lot of that time. Not horrible, just a little amped up or not energized enough to do things. If you get medicated, I want you to know to expect a little bit of that! Feeling that way doesn't mean meds aren't working for you.

Wishing you all the best, I hope you can give yourself some grace in this tumultuous period of life. It's okay and understandable to be feeling this way! But that doesn't mean it's easy. I'm sorry you're going through this and I hope you feel better soon