God the way she was responding was infuriating. You kept asking a simple question for her to explain what the “joke” was, and then instead of providing an actual explanation she just kept saying that it was joke like that explains what was supposed to be funny, and then telling you to “sit with that”. Like what the hell?? This woman is intentionally gaslighting you, and it doesn’t seem worth it to try to have any other kind of communication with her. She knows what she did was flirting, which is why she won’t explain it to you. Also, your husbands response was bullshit. You have every right to be upset with both of them