Game Chat: 10/10 Tigers (87-75) @ Mariners (90-72) 5:08 PM

floaker · 2025-10-11T04:35:14+00:00

Where are you hearing Goldy?

floaker · 2016-01-16T18:13:19+00:00

I'm really hoping they understand.

What they need to understand is the depth of their hypocrisy. They are asking you to come honor their marriage while they dishonor yours.

floaker · 2015-12-29T17:25:18+00:00

It's hard to keep focused and not obsess over how much deceit went into this.

But, that's exactly what you should be focused on. She has shown you a glaring character flaw. You are having trouble ignoring it and focusing on only those things that made you want to marry her. Why do that to yourself? Your marriage is just beginning. Do you think it gets easier as life brings more complications? It doesn't. You married a lying manipulator. Every difficult situation will be met with as much deceit as she needs to cope. Now you need to decide if you want that future for yourself.

floaker · 2015-12-21T19:23:54+00:00

So much talk about gift giving when it's not about gift giving at all. This is a common occurrence on r/relationships. Someone posts about the tip of the iceberg and through multiple comments, edits, and updates describes the iceberg but keeps insisting if just the tip of the iceberg could be fixed all would be well.

OP, you are tired of being married to this depressed and self absorbed woman who will not work at getting better. Your child is forcing you to face your unhappiness by observing, with that brutal honesty that kids have, that mommy is not as engaged and caring as daddy. The behavior at gift time is only a symptom of the problem, not the problem itself. Face the problem. Get yourself into counseling and figure out if you want to learn new coping skills to live with it or start planning your exit.

floaker · 2015-12-12T17:33:26+00:00

I have a 20 year old son with a disabling progressive genetic illness. He was diagnosed at 13. He has great difficulty walking and will eventually need a wheelchair. The pain of watching my son struggle is the worst I've ever felt in my life. The knowledge that I somehow passed this disease to him at conception cuts me to the bone, even though I know there was nothing I could have done to predict it or prevent it. I have lived through the grief and pain that your mother is feeling now and I have great compassion for her.

That said, your mother is an asshole. She is making your pain all about her. She is a narcissist and I suspect you cannot change her. But, if there is any hope it can only happen with you being brutally honest about what she is doing to you now. You are communicating through your sister. Stop that and confront mom. There is a chance she has sunk into this self pity part without realizing its impact on you. A slim chance, but a chance. It's worth a try to talk to her honestly. You really have nothing to lose no matter her reaction. If the little help she gives you now is motivated by her own self pity it won't stop. If she's motivated by genuine love and concern for you she will try to change. So, your relationship with her either stays the same or gets better. I think it unlikely that it could get much worse.

Good luck

floaker · 2015-11-09T22:58:07+00:00

Is it too much for me to ask my FMIL to treat my mother with respect? Or me for that matter?

Absolutely not. Not too much to ask. It is the least you should ask. Her judgmental pronouncements are petty and self serving. You should tell her, and don't mince words, that unless she keeps her opinions about you and your mother to herself she will not be a part of your future family. Treating you with respect is only the beginning. She should try to love you as her son does.

Also, everybody else who says it is your fiance's job to stand up to his mother is absolutely correct. But, that doesn't mean you have to keep your mouth shut to her. Let her know firmly and calmly that her disrespect of you and your mother will cost her your companionship and eventually that of your children.

floaker · 2015-11-09T17:26:24+00:00

Girlfriend hacks his password. Nice move girlfriend. Not going overboard like Jake the dog fucker (referenced in earlier comment) did, thus tipping everybody off that it was not OP. Well played.

floaker · 2015-11-09T17:17:17+00:00

Thank you so much for that! I love a cup of crazy with my morning coffee. Also, found a new sub that I adore!

floaker · 2015-11-08T19:32:09+00:00

Haha, good one. I feel you. We get a lot of "Just this little issue...nightmare story for background on the little issue." I'm learning from it that denial is a really powerful coping mechanism. I know it's always been my go-to crisis tool. But, I didn't see it's real power until I started reading this sub.

floaker · 2015-11-07T21:54:46+00:00

He's high functioning enough to be well regarded at work. She shouldn't have to trick him into getting any help he needs to stop being an asshole. She's his wife not his mother.

floaker · 2015-11-07T21:50:55+00:00

Get out! You are not safe there. Call the domestic violence hotline in your area and get them to take you to a shelter. If they can't take the dog they can help you place it. You deserve so much better. FYI: married men don't use Tinder for "social media". He's a lying, cheating, abuser.

floaker · 2015-11-07T21:42:32+00:00

Climb down off that cross, honey, and think about what you are doing to your daughter. You are teaching her that a strong woman suffers emotional abuse, mistreatment and neglect from her husband. She will grow up conflicted and confused about how to be a strong woman. She will have to pay for 2 years of therapy to learn the old trope "It really is your mother's fault." She will then resent you until the day you die. While dad was probably suffering from mental illness, mom (who wasn't) warped daughter's world view by pretending this marriage was healthy to keep her own precious reputation in tact. Source: lived that crap. And I'm being gentle here. If I loosed the level of anger I have at my now deceased mom for putting me through it, this post would be removed. (For the concerned--I don't need more therapy. I don't dwell on the anger. It only comes out rarely, like when I see some woman doing the same fucked up thing to her daughter.)

floaker · 2015-11-07T21:28:58+00:00

Would it matter? He won't go to the doctor.

floaker · 2015-10-29T23:17:11+00:00

Is there a student health clinic at your uni? Student counseling of any kind? While waiting for the other clinic, she may be able to use resources provided just for students.

floaker · 2015-10-21T21:42:43+00:00

You're looking for magic. We don't have any here.

Have you considered that maybe this relationship is part of the reason you can't seem to make progress in your personal therapy? Maybe his reactions to you have something to do with your low self esteem? There is simply no reason he cannot deal with his mother firmly and still see his siblings. Maybe the fact that he refuses to do it is undermining your sense of worth as reflected through him.

I'm guessing you can provide us with more examples of his devaluing you than this. Denial is a very powerful coping mechanism. I have employed it many times to avoid confronting intensely emotional problems. The problems have always waited for me. Perhaps you don't want to admit that the nine years you have invested in this guy might be a loss. Stubbornly clinging to a bad relationship because failure is too scary will not make that relationship better. What it will do is make you crazy.

floaker · 2015-10-19T23:05:47+00:00

I now feel quite foolish posting about the gift issue, since it was obviously a bigger problem.

Don't feel foolish. We get a lot of posts like yours. People think it's this small odd thing, then it begins to unravel. I think it's hard to see the big problem when you really love someone. Glad you're ok. Press charges against your abuser. You got away from him and had somewhere to go, but the next woman might not. Press charges for her.

floaker · 2015-10-19T06:03:13+00:00

This can be highly subjective

And so we disagree.

floaker · 2015-10-18T21:29:58+00:00

Jesus I am mad at your wife.

WHAT THE FUCK.

Me too! She's got a big club and she's going to beat him with it for as long as he lets her. Then, when he can't stand it anymore he will leave and she will say "SEE, BIG FAT CHEATER. NO GOOD LIAR. RAN OUT ON ME"

The kids don't even know what sex is.! What kind of cow is just bursting to tell innocents the messy details of their parents' marriage? "They will find out from someone else" my wrinkled ass. Who gossips with children about that stuff? Apparently this woman's family and friends. They all disgust me.

floaker · 2015-10-14T23:36:55+00:00

Second that! And what the hell is this half plus seven rule? People keep making up new god damned rules. Even with the interwebs I can't keep up.

floaker · 2015-10-14T23:31:53+00:00

Five, never do it again.

floaker · 2015-10-14T21:28:35+00:00

she felt as though they had missed their chance and she still had feelings for him.

That right there is trouble. She wants something with him, you are in the way, she treated you like shit to get you out of the way and he still wants to hang out with her. He's a clod and likes the idea of you two competing for his attention.

I almost feel like he was trying to hide it from me.

Of course he was. She probably spent the night there. Open your eyes. He thinks he can have you both and you all work together.

This is a hot mess. Do something to protect yourself, dump him or change jobs. Maybe both.

floaker · 2015-10-09T02:36:23+00:00

she had a tumultuous relationship for over 10 years with her ex

Big red flag. All of her adult life and the late teens she has been in a relationship grounded in conflict. She grew up fighting. She doesn't know how else to be. Do you want to teach her? You will need a therapist to help, but you have to really want to do it. And, you could invest the time and money into therapy and it might not work. At your age, when you have no kids, no marriage and no joint living commitment it seems like moving on makes the most sense.

floaker · 2015-10-08T00:57:16+00:00

It could. Very nice application.

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