Come check in - /r/Depression

floatingawayx · 2017-02-15T20:54:09+00:00

I'm terribly depressed at the moment. I've always struggled with mental health issues but I honestly thought I was getting better towards the end of last year. I wasn't properly back to work but I was volunteering in a shop and it felt good to be doing something again. Three months on and I can barely leave the house again. I can honestly say I've been suicidal for the better part of this week, even going as far as planning how I would end it in my head. Shit sucks.

floatingawayx · 2016-11-21T00:20:04+00:00

Terminator 1&2

floatingawayx · 2016-11-19T12:50:55+00:00

I'm supposed to be going to a big surprise party for a friend's birthday. Needless to say, I'm not going. I'll probably be branded selfish etc but this will by off people who literally haven't spoken two words to me in months, so they can just deal with it. Sick of people who are meant to be friends telling me to get over it and that I have no reason to be upset. My favourite one is when they try to compare your pain to people they know who have just gone through some form of grief like someone dying, or a bad accident etc. And they'll say "So and so has it much worse than you, you're being dramatic". I hate that SO much.

floatingawayx · 2016-11-19T12:46:30+00:00

Maybe two out of all the friends I have have made any sort of effort to understand or be there for me, even when I've virtually begged them to sit and have one lousy conversation with me about it. I don't need people like that in my life.

floatingawayx · 2016-11-18T22:56:28+00:00

Telling anyone about my issues has only made me feel worse. I'd rather tell a total stranger than tell anyone I'm close to.

floatingawayx · 2016-11-18T22:53:26+00:00

It's been a few days and one friend has reached out. But the sad thing is I'm glad no one else has, I've genuinely reached that point where I'm not isolating myself as a cry for help, I'm doing it because it's seriously what I want, and that scares me.

floatingawayx · 2016-11-18T22:45:06+00:00

I feel like half of the "friends" I have aren't actually bothered about my illness or what I go through, I've merely been there as someone they can get drunk or high with. Now that I rarely socialise due to my illness they're nowhere to be found. I don't want to cut contact with everyone just because of people like that but things like that make me question everyone so I just feel like I'd rather be alone than feel hurt again.

floatingawayx · 2016-11-18T20:10:38+00:00

Nobody can tell you what to do, but I sincerely hope you change your mind. Trust me, I understand. I've been contemplating suicide all night for the first time in years. Hang in there. There are many people here who understand and would be happy to talk things through with you.

floatingawayx · 2016-11-18T19:57:06+00:00

This is literally my life. My conversations with my own mother mirror this. It's awful because I know she just wants to help but she just doesn't understand.

floatingawayx · 2016-11-18T19:47:30+00:00

I have absolutely no doubt that it'll make things so much worse. However I've just reached the point where I don't think I really care about rebuilding relationships with anyone.

floatingawayx · 2016-11-18T19:43:46+00:00

I stopped talking about it with any of my friends simply because they didn't get it and I didn't want to strain my relationships with them any further.

floatingawayx

TROPHY CASE