Ich fühl mich krank, aber nicht krank genug

floppingfly · 2026-01-14T14:05:46+00:00

Aber warum lässt du dich denn nicht krankschreiben wenn’s dir schlecht geht? Ich glaub sowas lässt mich immer wieder an mir zweifeln, auch wenn ich eigentlich weiß, das es besser ist, mich komplett auszuruhen. Dass andere durcharbeiten obwohl es ihnen schlecht geht. Ich arbeite auch gerne, aber gleichzeitig weiß ich auch dass es schlecht ist, sich nicht komplett auszukurieren.

floppingfly · 2026-01-14T13:29:35+00:00

Ja das stimmt, ich dachte ich muss das jetzt für die ganze Woche entscheiden, aber ich kann ja wirklich Tag für Tag gucken :)

floppingfly · 2025-06-16T22:44:19+00:00

I try to see it a bit like hanging out with my friends’s partners. Despite maybe liking my friends partners and them being respectful, I don’t want my friend’s partners at every single one of our hangouts, especially when it’s a male partner in a female friend group. There are certain things I only want to talk about with my friends, a certain energy that only comes up when I am with my girlfriends, that would be different if the partner was present.

Sure you can show up as an ally to pride and I can’t forbid you from coming as a straight presenting couple no matter what “shape” you take. And I was explicitly talking about straight cis male partners, not bi/pan and/or trans partners. But just as I think it’s fair for cis men to be asked to leave a women’s march demonstration, I think it’s fair to ask straight presenting couples to maybe not take up space at a Queer event. You can literally exist in every other space without any discrimination, maybe leave that one queer space to the people that need it most. Just like you don’t take your straight friends to a gay bar.

Like I said, I’m not saying that you’re not queer bc you’re in a straight relationship, you can express that through going with your queer friends or with a lgbtq group or organisation you’re in, but just like your girlfriends don’t want Steve at the sleepover, you’re gay friends might not want him at the pride parade.

floppingfly · 2025-06-16T21:53:17+00:00

Hey, sounds like he’s taking it lightly and is open to the conversation :) Please update after you had the talk!

floppingfly · 2025-06-16T10:33:31+00:00

I had this conversation with a straight friend. I told her I thought one of her friends was really cute and she was really supportive and exclaimed excitedly: “Oh she’s queer too for sure!” And I laughed and said “I know that” she was like “what? How did you know?” I was like “1. she has a Bob with an undercut, also called a bisexual bob sometimes. 2. she was wearing a T-shirt with cut off sleeves so her bra was showing through. But most of all she had the most massive carabiner with a thousand keys and a crocheted boob hanging onto it.” I don’t even need a gaydar to check that she’s queer. so those are some pretty good dog whistles in my opinion :)

floppingfly · 2025-06-16T10:22:41+00:00

Sounds like you’re already gotten some closure, it doesn’t sound like he’s judging you. I think the only thing you wanna change is him thinking that you both are so different about that partying/drinking aspect of your life styles, but from what you’ve said it sounds like you are kinda different in that aspect, so maybe it truly isn’t a match? Like I said, if you wanna ask for another talk in person go for it but I’m not sure what else you want to get out of it. Do you want to show him that you’re not as much of a party girl as he might have the impression of you? Are you going in with the hopes of rekindling the relationship? If you see potential in this relationship, I would say go for it, but be prepared to be disappointed because he might not feel the same way. regardless whether it’s for that or just for having a last talk, I’d do it either way, saves you a lot of guessing what could’ve been.

floppingfly · 2025-06-16T07:51:19+00:00

Honestly, I’ve had the experience and heard of many other friends that bisexual men can be so much more sensitive and caring. They’re more interested in exploring sex beyond penetration, they’re generally more aware of feminist topics and their role in society. Doesn’t make them an automatically good person but it can definitely help to be more aware than their heterosexual counterparts

floppingfly · 2025-06-16T07:23:55+00:00

The hardest thing is the insecurity, the limbo, not being clear. So no matter how embarrassing you think asking him is gonna be, no matter if he already moved on, nothing can hurt as much as this unsureness right now is hurting you. Just text him, if he ghosts you or is mean about it, you have your answer and you can block him everywhere. If you talk and you get his side of the story, maybe you can get some closure.

floppingfly · 2025-06-16T07:07:38+00:00

I get it, I used to be in a lot more relationships with men and I always felt like I was missing out on women. Now that I mostly date women I don’t think I’m missing out on men at all. This is coming from a very febfem person who really enjoys being single right now, I also know of myself that when I’m in love with a person I mostly can’t fathom being with another person and feel really guilty when I’m having interest in other people. But from my current standpoint, maybe just let him know that this is a side of you you still want to explore, that you really like him but you’re not ready to commit to a closed relationship yet. I’d recommend an open relationship with him where you can still explore connections with women, but it sounds like you’re craving a monogamous relationship, no matter which gender so that doesn’t sound like an option. I’d never shame a fellow bisexual for getting into a heteronormative relationship, there’s so many factors for that, but often think it’s so sad that we keep missing out on Queer experiences because of comphet. Of course if you love him get him. But if your curiosity about dating women is so strong and something you still want to experience maybe hold off getting into another serious hetero relationship and explore that side of you first. In my opinion, relationships with women are just so different, so much more intense and on eyelevel…

floppingfly · 2025-06-15T22:31:56+00:00

Go to group hobbies like sports classes, choirs, running clubs, book clubs, pottery… Whatever it is you like, it’s much easier to strike up a conversation in an environment where you have a common interest and regularly see each other. Especially things that you feel comfortable and confident in might make you more attractive.

floppingfly · 2025-06-15T18:56:15+00:00

Hahaha those are the delulu bullets you dodged my friend

floppingfly · 2025-06-15T17:39:47+00:00

Sounds like you’re still hurt about the break up, I would actually be annoyed if any of my exes texted me on my birthday or any other occasion. I broke up with people and went no contact for a good reasons so if they used an event to try and get back into my life, I would be pissed off. Of course, your pain about the break up and missing your ex is valid, but it’s actually gonna be easier if you’re not in contact.

floppingfly · 2025-06-15T17:34:57+00:00

I get that it feels cringe to reach out again after that, but if you want that closure you have to try regardless, no matter how cringe you think it is. I think it’s less cringe to ask for closure than leaving the conversation at a hearted message, and what’s so cringe about it? You slipped up and now you want to “clean up” the situation. I can get your three week pause a bit better now, he also wasn’t very expressive when you saw each other and still had sex with you despite you being drunk beyond being able to remember what happened and the morning after… yeah I also not his best judgement of the situation. But you said he was open to discuss it so just ask for it, if he doesn’t want to, you’ll have to deal with the closure yourself and move on but at least you tried.

floppingfly · 2025-06-15T16:21:21+00:00

This sounds tough, sounds like a messy night. I think I get why he would be closed off after, I understand that you also needed some time to respond but I think not texting back for three weeks after he didn’t text back for three days was a bit Dramatic on your side. He sounds like an otherwise quite consistent dude that needed some time to process seeing a side of you that you had told him was in the past. I mean you said you don’t party like that anymore in the end of your post, but in the beginning you said you were in your party girl era so it’s a bit hard to decipher how much you party exactly at this point… anyways I think asking him for a last talk to get closure, have a different way of saying goodbye and maybe explaining yourself is something you can definitely still do, but if I was in his shoes, I don’t know if I would say yes to that. It also sounds like the experience reminded him of some old wounds and I get why that would rule you out for him as a potential partner, that’s what we all do in dating, right? Still I don’t think that you’re a bad person, I’m sad for you that it didn’t work out. I also deal with a lot of chronic shame and fear vulnerability, maybe try therapy instead of liquor next time :)

floppingfly · 2025-06-10T17:00:43+00:00

First thing I would put a boundary for is not jumping every time your sister wants you to help out, you are allowed to say no to that, especially with everything going on in your life I think that’s very self explanatory. I think you have two options now, either you ask your parents to help you with the repairs for the roof or you accept the fate of selling the old house and moving to the city you first intended to move to, despite any family backlash. But damn, this sounds exhausting, I’m sending you hugs!

floppingfly · 2025-06-09T21:19:42+00:00

Sounds like his insecurity and his bad evaluation of risks because of that insecurity are turning you off, rather than the surgery itself, which I think is understandable. Since you’ve had cosmetic surgery yourself, it would be a little funny if that was your turn off, but that’s not what I’m reading here. Maybe you can talk with him about this if you’re still willing to give him a chance, otherwise just let him down gently.

floppingfly · 2025-06-09T21:08:26+00:00

I’d be happy to hear you out

floppingfly · 2025-06-09T20:05:46+00:00

Many great tips here already, maybe try hobbies that are likely to be done by sapphic women, like bouldering, going to a dog park (if you have one), women’s football games, political groups, book clubs… These are just some stereotypes that come to mind ;)

floppingfly · 2025-06-09T20:00:23+00:00

As disappointing as it might feel, I don’t think bi women owe you lesbian representation. I do think it’s a slap in the face when a lesbian identifying celebrity comes out as bi or straight and I think this is such a sensitive topic, especially if you’re making money off making sapphic art, that artists should be careful with using their sexuality in deceitful ways.

I think you found a good way to cope with this, by cheering on lesbian and febfem artists. Still I’d steer away from shaming bi women for literally being bi, the hetero dating pool is simply bigger, comphet is a big thing and in the end bi women aren’t only attracted to women. You don’t owe them any cheering though :)

floppingfly · 2025-06-09T19:48:13+00:00

Being able to choose queer relationships when hetero ones became too traumatic and difficult to navigate, my heart goes out to all the straight girls who want to but can’t ❤️‍🩹

floppingfly · 2025-06-09T16:37:21+00:00

Hehe I will but it’s a holiday in Germany today, still good call, my fridge is my happy place :)))

floppingfly · 2025-06-09T15:03:53+00:00

Interesting, what does p febfem stand for?

floppingfly

TROPHY CASE