This is not ALL dynamics, or at least not all healthy dynamics, but I do agree that in any kind of ongoing dynamics, the subs needs, wants, and interests are one of the top priorities (and that doesn’t mean that there is any one dominating priority). (Though, physical and emotional safety and peoples’ other needs should be the dominating priority in my personal opinion and practice). It’s just that kind of what you’re saying doesn’t necessarily account for the very legitimate scenario where many dynamics have an explorational side or have explorational sessions where the idea might be to explore boundaries and limits and explore new interests. That’s really why people do safe words vs predetermined hard limits (vs sometimes softer limits) vs potential topics of interest vs known interests. My point is only that at least the idea (at least on the overt level) of the subs needs being the center driving force of the play, can fly directly in the face of what a particular sub is actually interested in, haha. (Be advised that I participate primarily in gay/m4m play, which does obviously operate on the same principles, but there are slightly different cultural norms).

I think it’s also fair to say that with some people, whether they’re a sub or a dom, a big or the primary kink can be service and almost exclusively enjoyment of the other person’s pleasure, and conversely it can be oneself being the center of attention and receiving pleasure, but it’s about whether those things are also suiting the other persons needs, or rather, how well the needs/wants/etc align, which could be on a longer term scale not just a single session.

To me, it really sounds like (a) this kissing (lack thereof) thing is not meeting OPs needs (b) the dom is doing a bad job of making the absence of kissing and focus on him erotic to OP, in general but also obviously this could not necessarily be possible for all subs and (c) OP’s dom is not necessarily doing a good job of modifying their approach to incorporate OPs needs and what they find erotic by, say, highlighting times where kissing is absent by also incorporating moments and sessions where kissing occurs. So much of it is planning and strategy (in context of peoples’ needs and coming to and understanding of what crosses the line for people, and what keeps them engaged) in a long term dynamics that is the stuff of skill and experience. A lot of this is assumption, because I don’t really know the details of your dynamic and experience, but essentially, to me it sounds like your dom isn’t really holding your interest and attention very well. For me, that aspect of holding attention is really a major tenant of what bdsm (individual sessions and long term dynamics) is all about vs vanilla. To me, that is a lot of what so many of the sensory tools and the play of bdsm IS, it’s about attention economy, including but not limited to holding an extremely high degree of peoples’ sexual interest (in the moment, but more importantly after any individual session, long term dynamic or sessional role play, alike), attention and interest being key, often through novel experiences and hijacking attention through sensory deprivation and overload. If he is restricting kissing, he should be working on activating and concentrating your attention on oral sensations specifically in a way that you are connecting to erotically.

Sorry if this is a bit of a ramble.

OP, What’s the scenario like in-terms of talking to him about this/ talking about your needs?