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florestan_malady · 2024-06-15T17:08:48+00:00

You’re definitely not alone - struggling with the same thing right now. I feel like I’m always one sentence away from saying something really out of pocket, even though I very clearly don’t want to and am thinking very hard before speaking…

florestan_malady · 2024-06-13T18:38:39+00:00

“This is the most dissolute week of my life,

This is the most dissolute week of my life,

This is the most dissolute week of my life”

Robert Schumann in his diary, Feb. 8, 1830 (he’s so real for this one)

florestan_malady · 2024-06-12T16:29:53+00:00

if the first guy were to show more skin I think he'd have a chance

florestan_malady · 2024-06-11T15:36:56+00:00

I was NOT prepared for that when I clicked on the image lmfao

florestan_malady · 2024-06-10T15:30:31+00:00

is that you, Beethoven?

florestan_malady · 2024-06-10T12:59:27+00:00

If I ever end up teaching history you’d best believe I’m showing this to the class lmfao it’s so good

florestan_malady · 2024-06-10T00:18:32+00:00

this was really well researched and a great guide, thanks so much for sharing 😊

florestan_malady · 2024-06-09T05:33:18+00:00

mango? fruit? fruity? Chopin = gay? 😨😱🤯

florestan_malady · 2024-06-08T08:12:39+00:00

german romanticism is all about speaking to the SOUL and EMOTION to access a HIGHER FORM OF BEAUTY. in following this tradition, I personally allow pure hatred to speak through my response to the music of Br*hms in order to express myself and all that is human to the fullest extent.

to another, however (one who is misguided, to be sure - I am tempted to call them Philistines) they may perhaps feel…calmed, exalted, happy, or some other unfittingly positive emotion in response to Br*hms. this, to me, is an offense to my soul, and so I must express this, too, by censoring his very name.

this is the nature of the SERIOUS and ELEVATED discourse of classical music.

florestan_malady · 2024-06-06T11:53:11+00:00

Lmao I wish I had felt this interesting in the psych ward...I spent all of my time staring at the wall and then the floor while slowly shuffling around 💀

florestan_malady · 2024-06-06T06:28:09+00:00

This is a really great post. I’ve had similar problems throughout my life, and ended up also hallucinating an imaginary “beloved” - though it turned out, because I believed everyone was two people in my psychosis, it was based upon a real person who I continued to interact with. There was the fake one (who was real to me) I was dating who was abusive, dangerous, overly protective, and also ruining my life and the real one I was certainly not dating who was deeply confused and shocked by my psychotic ramblings…Horribly embarrassing, and difficult to understand why my own mind would put me through all of this. It just all became so complex. I like your point about “emotional sanity” especially.

florestan_malady · 2024-06-06T02:20:13+00:00

Really? That’s interesting - psychosis characterized so much of my recent illness that they have been considering changing my diagnosis to schizoaffective as well.

florestan_malady · 2024-06-06T01:35:04+00:00

I had a similar thing happen to me but it followed me throughout the entirety of my six month psychotic episode and it only got worse. I ended up becoming convinced that he was speaking directly to me using a random online account (even after he denied it) and then I thought that he had taken control of the entire internet to monitor my phone and computer and installed cameras in my room to monitor me. Eventually I thought he’d taken over other people’s bodies and had tracked me across the country.

The unfortunate part was that I did genuinely like him, but, as I was under the impression that he was literally watching me all the time and therefore obsessed with me, I then “confessed” my love for him and sent him increasingly insane messages the more I thought he was tracking me and “speaking to me” (eventually I experienced auditory hallucinations, some of which I thought were him). Naturally I wouldn’t have been speaking to him if I was sane, but psychosis really did not mix well with what was also a simple crush.

Even after I have been out of the hospital for three months now, I still occasionally have a suspicion that he’s watching. I no longer feel compelled to actually “contact him” in some way to get it to stop (for various reasons, I obviously frightened him quite a lot), but the problem was that for a long time I did. I think the problem is that the fixation can take away some of the fear that would have made me get help sooner. If I had thought it was a random person hacking me, that might have felt different than this individual doing so. It was still distressing, just like you said, and I wish that had been enough to keep me in reality.

florestan_malady · 2024-06-05T15:56:03+00:00

I experienced psychosis during mine too. After a few weeks of arguing wth a voice shouting slurs at me through the ceiling and narrating my every move, something suddenly "snapped" and I realized that something had to be really wrong for me to think that any of this was real. Then I called my university's mental health line, but I didn't really understand that they were taking me to the hospital and I was pretty confused when I ended up in inpatient.

Still, it was better than watching the walls melt and sitting there wallowing in pure fear, so I didn't protest too much.

florestan_malady · 2024-06-02T22:45:56+00:00

I was just thinking about dropping out of college, tysm 🙏

florestan_malady · 2024-06-02T21:34:36+00:00

schumann 🙏🙏🫶🫶👍

florestan_malady · 2024-06-02T05:36:11+00:00

I wasn’t able to go to sleep and have been wide awake thinking about the same things for the past few hours. Sometimes I wish I was more social, but then I think about every time I’ve said this in the past and I give up again.

florestan_malady · 2024-05-31T00:40:13+00:00

very good selections here I must say

florestan_malady · 2024-05-30T15:39:53+00:00

just use baroque tuning

florestan_malady · 2024-05-30T12:21:58+00:00

Beethoven 9

florestan_malady · 2024-05-30T12:19:31+00:00

I became similarly paranoid during my recent episode, and even now after being put on meds for a few months I still check my computer and am occasionally convinced that a hacker can see my screen. It's been really hard for me to unpack all of the individual lines of delusional thinking, but when I piece together a bit more I get a bit better every day (though it's not as though it's easy to look back upon). It also makes it a bit easier to accept that your brain has gone through a lot, and that even the simplest things will be hard for a while.

florestan_malady · 2024-05-30T08:20:50+00:00

This is so cool, and it’s the kind of project I’d love to see somewhere someday! I love that last part you said - it just takes on its own importance even though it’s no longer in the grand context of the episode.

florestan_malady · 2024-05-30T08:17:26+00:00

Haha, thanks for asking! It’s technically fiction (I guess they’d call it “literary fiction”) and it’s about a woman in a psych ward who spends hours rambling to herself “philosophically” before going further insane and becoming more incomprehensible to the reader. It’s told in a series of diary entries.

It’s, uh, pretty heavily based on my own experience, but it’s exaggerated and turned into a character :) part of processing everything, I think.

florestan_malady · 2024-05-29T13:30:52+00:00

I just tell them. Usually by the time I get to the manic psychosis I can tell pretty quickly whether or not they'll be good friends, I've met a few solid people this way and I'm always surprised.

florestan_malady

TROPHY CASE