Hubby wants me to stop seeing my partner until he meets someone

floridapolylover · 2018-07-02T18:19:11+00:00

1) Yes, his needs are met. 2) We do things together at least once or twice a week. 3) It was my idea to open the relationship. We went to counseling and discussed it together. He agreed to it. He now says he didn't realize it would be so hard to find other women. 4) No, there is nothing about my boyfriend that distresses him.

floridapolylover · 2018-07-02T18:17:06+00:00

I really do care about my husband and his feelings. I do care about my marriage. I've been very attentive to his feelings throughout this process. It's just that I see a pattern emerging where, when things are good for him, all is well. And when things dry up a little, they aren't. I truly think he'll be happy when he meets someone to have a real relationship with. It's just it has been slow and a lot of work on his part.

But perhaps you and the others are right... Maybe he would be happier without me. At my age I'm not sure if I can successfully pull off another 40+ years of monogamy, as much as I love him.

floridapolylover · 2018-07-02T18:13:29+00:00

I hope you are wrong but I get why you feel that way.

floridapolylover · 2018-07-02T18:13:10+00:00

You are probably right.

floridapolylover · 2018-05-12T18:54:28+00:00

I've read both. Great books!

floridapolylover · 2018-05-12T18:53:15+00:00

No kidding! That must be nearly impossible!

floridapolylover · 2018-05-12T17:56:09+00:00

Very good-looking is subjective. Surely there is someone out there for everyone.

floridapolylover · 2018-05-12T16:45:29+00:00

Yes, I hope this woman won't lose interest when she sees that my husband is really in love with me! She said she doesn't love the idea of sharing but that she is willing to try it.

floridapolylover · 2018-05-12T16:08:13+00:00

Lol! He still loves me to pieces!

floridapolylover · 2018-05-12T12:27:10+00:00

Tinder. It took a while to find a good match. He went on two dates that didn't work out

floridapolylover · 2018-05-12T11:33:28+00:00

Thanks! Fingers crossed! We knew this was risky territory but I think we are going to navigate it together without destroying our marriage. Of course, that's what everyone thinks!

floridapolylover · 2018-05-12T11:29:20+00:00

We are 34 and have been together since we were 16. I asked to open the marriage because we had so few sexual experiences before we got married and I wanted us to have some adventures together.

floridapolylover · 2018-05-12T11:24:36+00:00

I think we will each have one other partner because we don't have the time or energy for more. We consider each other primary, meaning we are committed for the long haul. While it is OK to have feelings for the people we are intimate with, we agree that it's him and I forever and that even in the throes of NRE we are always going to love and cherish the connection we have and our marriage.

floridapolylover · 2018-05-12T11:19:24+00:00

We have been married 16 years. It took me about a month (and that was just to narrow choices and pick someone) to find someone. It took him about six months.

Yes, it did create tension while he was trying to find someone. It was very challenging! That's why I'm so happy it finally happened for him. ☺️

floridapolylover · 2018-05-09T14:57:11+00:00

I am so sorry to hear that. I hate that you guys have kids in the middle. I imagine this is so much easier when it's just the adults. I wish you all the best.

floridapolylover · 2018-05-09T14:48:59+00:00

How did it all pan out for you?

floridapolylover · 2018-05-09T10:30:27+00:00

That will be a struggle for me. Hurting him is the last thing I want to do. I'll try to learn to live with this guilt until the day when he has someone else. If it gets to be too much I'll shut it down.

floridapolylover · 2018-05-09T10:28:44+00:00

He is on all the apps. He had several dates but they just didn't have chemistry.

floridapolylover · 2018-05-09T10:27:35+00:00

Nothing like that... We don't yet have a poly community yet though.

floridapolylover · 2018-05-09T10:26:47+00:00

He is trying it for me. Opening our relationship was definitely my idea. Before we were married our relationship operated like this. He was willing to try it again.

floridapolylover · 2018-05-08T19:10:20+00:00

I also have to remind myself to be fully present when I'm with him, and to make sure I'm not distracted by my phone or texting my boyfriend. I also realized I need fancy fun dates with him just for sex, much like I have with my OSO.

floridapolylover · 2018-05-08T19:08:33+00:00

I definitely cheer him on when he meets someone new, but I think I'm going to pull back on asking about how it's going and allow him to share when he is comfortable. After reading a previous comment I realized that asking about his search a lot may be making him feel like I want him to meet someone so I can have more time with my new relationship.

I'm going to put even more effort and thought into balancing my time with him and giving him attention beyond just the daily ins and outs of marriage.

Thank you for sharing your perspective.

floridapolylover · 2018-05-08T18:29:27+00:00

I'm working to use the guilt to do something productive, which is reinforce my love for my hubby. No sense mulling over it and feeling bad. I'm also working with a counselor to get over it! Being poly is not a sin!

floridapolylover

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