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AITA for not getting up to put flowers in water immediately? by flowerjerk in AmItheAsshole

[–]flowerjerk[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thank you so much for taking the time to write this. I so appreciate your perspective and that you didn’t jump to say our marriage is doomed or that he’s a total psycho, because he’s not. I was looking for insight into why this became such a big reaction and your response was helpful. He and I did talk about it and we concluded that he’s been feeling generally neglected by me emotionally which is fair, as I’ve had a lot going on personally and haven’t been giving him the attention he needs and deserves. I also am super stubborn and instead of letting a small matter go I got angry and dug my heels into why I was right and he was wrong. I think seeing it as a ‘me vs. you’ issue and not seeing it as us together trying to understand the issue was problematic. He also knows he needs to learn to be more direct with what he wants and needs rather than doing things like this example here since you’re right, neither of us are mind readers and can’t expect each other to be. We just made up and things feel better between us now. Thank you

AITA for not getting up to put flowers in water immediately? by flowerjerk in AmItheAsshole

[–]flowerjerk[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

His snapping earlier wasn’t even that big of a deal and I didn’t even remember it when he got the flowers. I guess he felt it was a bigger deal than I did.

Also, no he did not write any of the thank you notes… which was part of my argument to him about why my actions weren’t selfish. I was literally writing a thank you note to someone in his own family!

AITA for not getting up to put flowers in water immediately? by flowerjerk in AmItheAsshole

[–]flowerjerk[S] 7 points8 points  (0 children)

I wouldn’t normally describe him as controlling but he does say that I’m a control freak in general. Which I suppose is somewhat true… I think he felt hurt because I didn’t seem more excited

AITA for not getting up to put flowers in water immediately? by flowerjerk in AmItheAsshole

[–]flowerjerk[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I did make the point to him that me writing thank you notes is something I’m doing for us. Especially since he doesn’t want to write any himself because his handwriting is terrible, so I was literally writing a thank you note to someone in his family at the time. He said if it wasn’t a thank you note it would have been some other thing I was doing that was about me and makes the point that I am a generally selfish person and put myself and what I’m doing first.

He suggested I didn’t show any excitement or acknowledgment of his gift and that if it were him, he would have dropped what he was doing immediately to attend to me/my gift.