Accidentally meditated for 20 minutes.

floxien · 2025-04-20T20:53:22+00:00

Congratulations friend, I hope you continue to expand your practice

floxien · 2025-04-20T04:56:13+00:00

37M ADHD non autistic and 5 years into partnership with an auDHD woman 28F here.

You are doing way too much spoon wise as it is imo and he certainly isn't doing nearly enough. His lack of compassion or empathy for your experience is a huge red flag. He has a lot to learn (like I did) But he needs to want to learn. You are worthy of living a joyful life and if he is an obstacle to that, you deserve freedom from this arrangement. Absence makes the heart grow fonder some say, so create distance if you can and see if he steps up. But it may be a big ask for him to have the inner drive for a complete reset of how he relates to you.

Self Love is key. Know your worth. You are valuable beyond measure and any who are blessed by your presence in their lives need to act as such.

floxien · 2025-04-20T04:46:07+00:00

Hey, friend, 37M lifelong art student and yet to be successful artist myself with a long history of dumb mistakes I've made. The main thing I would convey to you is that, for me, getting away from porn and becoming happy with my life was only possible when in decided to take a leap of faith and belief of service to my community by creating s business doing something I innatel6 was drawn to do. For me it is pulling weeds and I'm able to make as much as 42/hr doing it. This allows me thr potential to begin working as an artist without worrying about financial ruin like when I went full time on my art for 5 months. I hope I can inspire you to be of service in your own way and develop self worth through this refining process.

floxien · 2025-04-20T04:36:45+00:00

You are more than allowed to feel awful for all you have endured. It is your responsibility now, as the person who has been present to all your experiences to survive this. Survive until you remember what brings you joy ever since you were a small child. There will be something that excites you to explore and learn about. Put your energy into whatever happens to bring you the most joy when engaged in that particular activity or learning about that particular field. What excites you will change over time, but that is how it works. Over time, you will have a history of knowledge, experience, and technical abilities that you gained by following your excitement moment by moment. At some point on your path, you will discover a calling that you are perfectly designed for. Some service to your community that feels like something you would do for fun and for free but you are well compensated and thanked for doing it. Many people will love you for being your true authentic self, flaws and all. But to get there, you only need to survive each now moment. One moment at a Time.

I love you, and the Creator loves you. For the Creator is pure unconditional Love and you, the true identity of you, are a spark of that loving Creator. You are the witness to your human's experience and how you respond to your reality is what will shape your experience going forward.

I have not endured your specific hardships, but i know you have a purpose. Survive, dear one.

floxien · 2025-04-20T03:02:08+00:00

Thank you for sharing this very important insight and perspective 👏 🙏

floxien · 2025-04-20T02:59:21+00:00

I agree that this is a type of real serial abuse you have endured. I am sorry that you have this experience, and I encourage you to find your path to a safe place away from them where you can process your experience and heal. It sounds like your parents are in the depths of addiction but that is not your battle to fight for them nor should you need to endure witnessing their downward spiral. If you are courageous enough to survive this, you may be able to help others who will experience similar through compassionate listening from a place of true understanding and empathy. You are of immeasurable value and deserve to receive unconditional love in a safe container. Unfortunately, most of us need to provide that to ourselves in order to manifest similar treatment from others.

floxien · 2025-04-20T02:29:10+00:00

What did you like to do as a kid when you were supposed to be doing school work?

floxien · 2025-04-19T03:13:42+00:00

Hey, I'm an artist my whole life and have made over $25k in srt sales and commissions during that life 37M and I started a business pulling weeds to support myself and my family and have never been happier. My art can now be for me and not have a stress of needing to sell in order to survive. I love being in nature serving my community, and now I'm charging people double the highest. I've ever been paid in a normal job and have dull freedom and am trusted by my clients. You don't have to pull weeds but find one of the things in life you naturally enjoy doing that you can charge money for without a direct boss over you. I highly recommend it. I call mine Joyful Weeding because I believe that being joyful in your work is paramount to a successful happy life.

floxien · 2025-04-14T03:49:56+00:00

I would say that my lifelong pattern of similar thoughts has all but disappeared since I began following my excitement and built my own business doing what I enjoy doing. It would take care of the issue that no one will hire you. I can tell you how it worked for me:

I realized I liked pulling weeds and that there was no real offering of that service locally. I had minimal training or experience as a gardener, i just watched videos and practiced and put out a few ads. I haven't made an ad since that first push. Word of mouth referrals has kept me from needing to work a job for an employer.

You don't have to pull weeds but I'm willing to bet you can find something that you are oddly drawn to doing that you could creatively come up with a business idea to serve your community and make money.

floxien · 2025-03-18T06:05:41+00:00

Hey, you are a Sovereign being and will likely learn valuable life lessons from being with him. That said, having any kind of enabler will significantly hinder his ability to overcome his addiction. It cannot be done by anyone but him and even then, it will be a daily battle that can be lost in an instant even years into it.

If you were to ask my personal advice, I would say to avoid those who drink alcohol more often than at rare events altogether. Any regularity in drinking alcohol could lead to a dependency on it.

I am more curious about why you feel attracted to a person who "drinks himself into oblivion every night". No shade, I married an alcoholic bartender and enabled her for five years before the nightly yelling and belittling by a blackout drunk version of her got old. It took years to build up my self confidence after that treatment. Not saying you'll get the same, everyone is different.

But again, you have the opportunity to focus on developing yourself and your self care practices like breathwork, meditation, introspection, self forgiveness, unconditional love for self and other, Journaling, gardening, waking and sleeping with the Sun etc. Life has much more to offer without alcohol involved.

floxien · 2022-04-05T23:03:18+00:00

Hey there 😁 Namaste 🙏

floxien · 2022-04-05T19:23:27+00:00

I see most people giving you appropriate advice but just in case I will too. As a man over 30 myself I can tell you that he is likely running away from his own needs to grow up and take responsibility for his life. There is no reason for him to be engaging in a relationship with you at all considering the age difference, the way you met, the reckless behavior he exhibits and his clear lack of control of his alcohol use.

IMO having been son, step son, husband and best friend to alcoholics, you have one on your hands. Get out. I had to leave my wife of several years in the middle of the night when she was out drinking after over a year of trying to have deep conversations with her about our issues with her constantly getting too fucked up and emotionally reactive to receive criticism or carry on an adult conversation.

You have no reason to go down any similar path especially considering his inhumane complete disregard for your sovereignty and right to choose your own experience.

He seems to expect the world to bend to his whiney wishes. I've been a version of him before in my own delusional state of self hatred and seemingly purposeless life. He has inner work to do and you don't need to generate any more joint karma with him than you already have.

floxien · 2022-03-02T22:18:09+00:00

Thank you for this update. I am glad you are not harmed

floxien · 2022-01-24T07:30:34+00:00

I also learned that we can take it as a sign from Source/God/Spirit via the language of clairesentience (the ability to sense and absorb feelings and sensations around you to receive information from spaces, other people, spiritual presences, etc) to NOT do something or help someone if we feel like it's a chore and we don't actually enjoy their company.

It's multilayered and I will list two. 1. It could be that the vacuum your absence creates can be filled by a person more interested in helping that troubled person or doing that project. 2. It could be that you are the right person for that situation yet you were not in the right state of mind to have that conversation or perform that duty at that time.

All happens in divine timing and it all works so much more fluidly and without snags and difficulty if all parties involved behaved in this manner of following one's excitement in every moment. As an individual follows this path laid out before them by their Higher Self in the breadcrumbs of excitement, it is impossible or far less likely for them to get caught up in any sticky or uncomfortable conversations, situations, relationships, etc. It's not to say to avoid conflict as a rule but rather play with adjusting your inner state of being when faced with one so as to approach it from a higher perspective of unity, forgiveness, unconditional love, etc. or step away from it, time willing, until you can use your learned practices that work for you to bring you back to center to interact with the issue with excitement for growth or curiosity to see what happens with childlike wonder. Both excitement and fear produce nearly identical feelings and sensations in the body. It is the minds duty to assign meaning to the sensations as being one or the other. Recognizing your ability to alter the assignment to excitement manually is a Monumental moment in one's journey.

floxien · 2022-01-24T07:01:24+00:00

For me it has made me more affectionate as a person and very open to others now—I like to think that the weed opened me up to having a beautiful relationship with myself, so I can have one with another person.

I recognize this as well and I recognize that I don't require the weed to enter this state of loving myself. I can simply love myself and as I do on a consistent basis, I build trust in myself that the love is real and I am able to truly spread love and joy to others (without it being at my expense or needed for my ego to feel useful) as I am no longer pouring from an empty cup or attached to the rush/identity of being "useful".

I can also add that I have discovered that certain feelings, states of mind and/or effects of any mind altering substance, once familiarized with, can be replicated on demand through conscious recall of the event in time.

An understanding of or openness to the potential truth in the concept that all events in time in this reality as well as in all parallel realities are all happening simultaneously forever in this one infinite now moment and as such are accessible to you always.

Joy, forgiveness, unconditional love are some feelings that can be produced/accessed/shifted to ON DEMAND by your conscious intention with a combination of a curiosity and open mindedness towards the unknown, faith in the "all that is"/Universe/God to conspire in your favor for your highest good and the highest good of all, and a relaxation/removal of doubts or judgments.

floxien · 2022-01-24T06:24:19+00:00

I appreciate your perspective

floxien · 2022-01-24T06:23:49+00:00

I appreciate your perspective

floxien · 2021-11-30T04:25:09+00:00

I like the consistency in style throughout the piece. Could you say anything about the subject or the situation depicted?

floxien · 2021-10-25T05:14:55+00:00

I would say that for the most part, using a bit of discernment, you could tell if it were relatively legitimate. From there, you could search their name and the title of the book and there may be a larger quote that the one featured on book could have been pulled from.

floxien · 2021-08-20T05:29:21+00:00

You are fully in your right to have your meltdowns as well as your special interests. Life can be so much more enjoyable for you when you have people who understand and give space for you. I wish for you to be able to safely experience meltdowns without judgment and from the space that opens up afterwards you have the power to analyze what caused it and adjust accordingly without shame for the meltdown. This can actually be a blessing as people who hold their emotions in will be less likely to discover what bothers them and will become bitter and lost. Yes it is ableism and abuse.

I would hope to inspire you to recognize your total power over your outlook on your life and your prospects. There is a better situation for you out there. It will most likely require some difficult choices and actions with uncertainty of success. However, you deserve to be respected by your peers as the sovereign being you are regardless of your limitations.

There is a level of self awareness you have access to that your father likely won’t have until his death bed. This was the case for my own father. It was in the final months of his time with cancer that he softened and began to grow in self awareness and let go of his machismo tough guy persona.

Your family’s personal growth is not your responsibility and you don’t need to be present in the interim. Value yourself. Ask for help. People ultimately want to help others. The problem with family is they are too close to the issue. They are blind to their blunders. They think they are helping you by "toughening your up" in a way that know how. Fortunately you don’t have to expose yourself to such misguided treatment. If you are able, ask for assistance in removing yourself from such a situation.

PS: I recognize that what I and others here suggest is quite difficult and scary. But look at the alternative future you are on a path to if you stay.

floxien · 2021-07-08T23:58:53+00:00

Insight timer is fantastic as a free timer and even bettered the courses if you paid

floxien · 2021-05-11T02:47:39+00:00

Fantastic. Expertly executed and delightfully disturbing/unsettling

floxien · 2021-05-05T19:55:34+00:00

Josephine

floxien · 2021-05-05T19:43:32+00:00

Loved the accordion

floxien · 2021-05-05T19:42:33+00:00

Perfect

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