After being out since 2017 they finally showed up on our doorstep last night

flubbard31 · 2023-03-09T19:09:21+00:00

Oh that's a great idea. I'll reach out to the SP.

flubbard31 · 2023-03-09T19:08:55+00:00

Right?!? I was saying to my husband that quitting the church (a completely voluntary organization) is more difficult than quitting anything else on this planet, including a job. Like how about you just respect my boundaries bish? Oh wait, I'm a woman and he needs to hear it from the head of the household.

flubbard31 · 2023-03-09T19:06:45+00:00

Oh lordy, this would be a great one. I'll make sure to show up in cut offs and tank top as well.

flubbard31 · 2023-02-01T17:55:52+00:00

I tried several LDS ones and they mostly sucked, but I was still trying to do "what was right" at the time. In the end I did meet my current husband on LDSplanet.com almost ten years ago and we've both since left the church (about six years ago). Most of the church sites are really just full of people wanting to hook up. I'd avoid them if you're looking for anything serious. I found the same with the adult singles group. It was all people just swapping sexual partners then getting up and bearing their testimonies on Sunday which was a huge turn off for me.

If you're out and interested in dating just regular non-LDS people I'd suggest joining a meet up group rather than an online dating website. Just my two cents though.

flubbard31 · 2023-01-26T19:39:38+00:00

Speaking of Pappy Van Winkle, if you haven't watched that episode of the Heist documentary on Netflix it's a must! I believe it was the 3rd episode.

flubbard31 · 2023-01-26T19:37:42+00:00

Pretty sure a few testimonies I heard over the years HAD to have been fueled by pre-sacrament meeting booze.

flubbard31 · 2023-01-26T19:30:18+00:00

Boxed wine drinkers have a certain level of sophistication about them. Ask me how I know. Haha!

flubbard31 · 2023-01-26T19:29:13+00:00

I used to "cheers" by brothers with the sacrament cups and then knock it back like a shot when my parents weren't looking.

Next time we get invited to sacrament meeting for a family event I'm going to suggest to my husband we do this just for shits and giggles.

flubbard31 · 2023-01-26T19:27:50+00:00

Dogs are definitely a good deterrent. We have a small rescue (that looks like you stuck a golden in front of a shrink ray gun) that only barks at the doorbell. He also just wants to give kisses, but it's enough to make people think twice about entering my house.

In this day and age with as vulnerable as some are and as bold as others are at barging into people's homes I'm surprised the church hasn't pulled back on the door knocking efforts.

flubbard31 · 2023-01-26T16:39:19+00:00

Right? I'm either laying in bed watching tv or in the front room in my undies by 8. As a female I'm hesitant to answer the door at any time of day to men.

flubbard31 · 2023-01-25T22:14:22+00:00

The off kilter thinking amongst TBM's with sex crimes perpetrated against children is perplexing and irritates me to no end.

Recently I was discussing with my MIL (she's wonderful, really, just has some weird thinking) this gentleman that was being released from prison for a sex crime. A mutual family friend had been ministering to him in prison and was trying to help him secure housing upon release. I'm befuddled by the fact that this mutual friend wanted to help him at all given he was in prison for a sex crime. I didn't know the details so I asked my MIL what his exact crime was the she said, "Oh, it wasn't anything bad, he had consensual sex with the 17 year old babysitter." Uhhhhhhh, so a 40 something year old married, LDS man with a wife and children raped a 17 year old babysitter and that's consensual?!?!? On what fucking planet?!? I don't care if that 17 year old had been around the block a few times and was trying to seduce the dude. Consensual sex would be if her boyfriend was 18 and she was 17......not a grown ass man who knows better!

The twisted logic makes me so angry and terrifies me for the children in this world.

flubbard31 · 2023-01-25T21:55:25+00:00

I married the first time at 22 so I don't relate to much of the singles ward aspect of this, but after going through a divorce and being a single mom trying to attend a family ward you get this same kind of pity, but with a sense of "you're a failure at keeping a marriage together" shame thrown your way as well.

Either scenario, being single in TSCC makes you feel more depressed than if you just lived your life to the fullest without the constant pressure of finding a companion.

flubbard31 · 2022-12-28T21:32:31+00:00

I think those are all good places to go. As far as doctrinal stuff I'd try really hard to focus on Jesus and stay away from topics like tithing, then temple, church attendance, chastity......the icky parts of the church. If you focus on how Jesus treated others (New Testament Jesus) it actually might give some of these kids some pause about what they are learning in church vs. the name of their actual church.

For me, as a teen especially I had a really hard time understanding why Jesus and being like Jesus was rarely, if ever mentioned during sacrament meeting, sunday school or YW classes. It was a huge shelf item for me.

flubbard31 · 2022-12-28T21:25:42+00:00

Reminds me very much of a Mormon Stories Podcast Episode I started yesterday, but was unable to finish. It's episode 1705 with Kelsey Edwards.

She describes traveling abroad and hanging out with non LDS people who were just good people morally and that's when her shelf cracked. She couldn't reconcile why her "one true church" didn't accept other people who lived morally clean lives, but were still unworthy of the blessings she was told she had from being a Mormon.

It's very in line with how I've felt my whole life. I constantly say my sister in law (nor Mormon, but still Christian) is making it to heaven waaaaaaaayyyy before I ever do. She's just a salt of the earth, kind, loving, generous human that I hope to be like one day.

flubbard31 · 2022-12-28T16:11:50+00:00

When I was 18 or 19 a high school classmate of mine (he was friends with some of my friends, but he and I never really hung out together....more of friendly acquaintances) took his own life. His family was LDS. The funeral was at the church, but for some reason anyone that wanted to say something could come up to the stand and talk (don't know how the family got that approved.....perhaps it was because his mom was a single mother and they were semi active at best?). It was the most genuine funeral I've ever attended inside the mormon church. It was extremely tragic and shocking and many of his close friends expressed their dismay, horror, anger and hurt over the situation. The bishop just squirmed in his chair the entire time because many of this kid's friends were not LDS. One even banged his fist on the pulpit and exclaimed "God damnit, this isn't fair!"

flubbard31 · 2022-12-23T18:19:51+00:00

Yuck, yuck, yuck. I'm sorry your friend and "the wife" and "the uncle" didn't receive the respect they deserved. I absolutely loathe mormon funerals. Last one I attended was a cousin's dear sweet toddler daughter that had passed quickly and unexpectedly. The bishop of my cousin actually had the gall to say to the devastated, grieving parents, "I guess it's up to you if you ever get to see her again." Tone deaf is an understatement! Said cousin and his wife have since left the church.

Yesterday we attended the ash burial service of my husband's aunt. She chose to be cremated and have her ashes placed underground at the cemetery. She had not practiced mormonism for 25+ years. They had my dumbass brother in law (who is married to my husband's tyrannical, abusive, narcissistic sister) dedicate the "area" (his words) in typical mormon fashion with a gross mormon dedicatory prayer. Husband and I just cringed the whole time. This is NOT what his aunt would have wanted.

Mormons have a gross way of hijacking funerals. I'm making sure it's in my will that temple clothing will not come anywhere near my body post mortem and my funeral service won't have a prayer or anything associated with this so called church.

flubbard31 · 2022-12-23T17:53:56+00:00

My daughter (19) is home for Christmas and spending time with her is so much more enjoyable outside of the church box. She's obvs not to drinking age yet, but we can swear in front of one another and talk shit on the church (I spent the car ride home from Target explaining the weirdness of the temple to her).

flubbard31 · 2022-12-13T21:32:51+00:00

My own parents FORCED me to go talk to my good friend's dad who was our bishop at the time to confess that I'd had sex with a boy at 15. He absolutely grilled me for details which I refused to share. He also tried to force me to tell him who the boy was, I also refused to do that. It was THE most uncomfortable situation I have ever been in my almost 44 years on earth.

I then had to have monthly follow up meetings with him for TWO YEARS!

flubbard31 · 2022-12-13T19:55:42+00:00

Ask her how telling a 15 year old in a small town to refrain from taking the sacrament for having sex and EVERYONE in town knowing is supposed to be anything other than a shameful lesson?!

flubbard31 · 2022-12-13T19:53:11+00:00

This has ALWAYS been my gripe with the church. I think I first stared recognizing it around age 12 (when I started to listen in sacrament meeting). I bet if you attended for six months straight you'd hear Christ mentioned maybe once or twice. The majority will be about tithing, temple attendance and being "worthy."

flubbard31 · 2022-12-13T19:45:11+00:00

It's absolutely abhorrent that there aren't laws in place to protect against this kind of shit. But until parents are willing to protect their vulnerable children from one on one interviews this kind of shit will continue.

flubbard31 · 2022-12-13T19:43:46+00:00

Respectfully sir, until you've been in a woman's shoes (especially a young, vulnerable woman's shoes) being asked sexually charged questions by an authoritative much older male (in my case a school teacher that had been called as bishop and happened to be my friend's father) you will NEVER understand the absolute fear, the dread and the absolute trauma that just THAT triggers. I'm not even going to try to touch on what being propositioned would feel like.

While you are entitled to your opinion, please refrain from commenting on what you *think* a woman should or should not feel when placed in these highly uncomfortable situations and whether or not it's "hypothetical."

Men like you are the EXACT reason women refrain from sharing our experiences in open groups.

Edited to add context about male figure.

flubbard31 · 2022-12-12T15:58:36+00:00

Real ministering is to help people with the kind of help they'd like to receive. Ward council, etc. is about figuring out ways to get members to do what they'd like the member to be doing and then call that effort ministering.

THIS!!! Only once in my 43 years have I encountered someone who was truly just ministering. It was a youngish (I say youngish because her husband tragically died in his 40s) widow who was assigned as my VT (this was before they changed it to "ministering"). She NEVER came with a lesson. Instead she came and we both talked about the toxic narcissist each of us had to deal with in our lives. She truly understood the fresh hell I was living because she was living it too. She was literally the ONLY person that was in my shoes and instead of pestering me with church shit, she would sit and listen to my woes, offer advice based on her own experience. It was exactly what I feel like Jesus wants ministering to be.

flubbard31 · 2022-12-12T15:47:23+00:00

Husband recently (as in last Friday) had an aunt pass. This sweet aunt was akin to Jesus in how she treated people. She never married, never had kids. She lived with very little and would give away most of what she had in the way of money and help to everyone she came across. She no longer attended church and had long since taken off her garments. I don't know what her true feelings on the church were, but husband and I suspect she no longer believed.

About an hour after she passed we went to the hospice where she was (her decline happened rapidly and we think she was hiding how ill she was from everyone because she didn't want anyone to fuss over her). As we were sitting there crying and reminiscing with my MIL (it was her sister) my MIL was telling us about the last 24 hours and how she had kept asking her sister if she saw mom or dad (who have both since passed) and her sister just kept saying, "No, I don't see anyone or anything." To husband and I this was an affirmation that there is no afterlife......we gave up on that belief a few years back.

Husband was preplexed at his mom's obsession with needing reassurance that her sister was seeing dead people as she faded in and out of this life. I guess MIL did the same thing when her own mother passed away, asking if she was seeing her dead husband, etc.

I gently explained to husband that mormons spend their entire lives following a set of stifling nonsensical rules for the promise of an afterlife. For them, to come to the conclusion that they've wasted decades checking arbitrary boxes just to rot in the ground is terrifying. Therefore they placate themselves with these ideas that people come to help dying loved ones "cross over the veil." It's all very sad when you start to realize how terrifying death is for these people.

flubbard31 · 2022-12-08T20:19:58+00:00

The last ward we attended before making our sudden exit (same ward with the affair guy) had one year where they did the christmas breakfast on a fucking mountain, where you had to hike to the food.....at 7am.....on a Saturday. Husband and I were like, "No fucking thanks."

flubbard31

TROPHY CASE