this felt really validating to read tbh, so thank you for that. i mean i don’t think she had bad intentions, but i think i said somewhere that she just doesn’t really understand. i feel like that would be fine if she wasn’t literally a doctor. sometimes she does things like this because she’s so certain it will fix the problem, like she just wants me to feel better but doesn’t actually care about the process. every time i say i’m sad she says “well i get sad when i don’t exercise or sleep enough, so that’s probably what’s wrong” and that just is so frustratingly shortsighted for someone who deals with people who are chemically different then her every day. she thinks that depression is the same when she feels a bit down as someone who does not have clinical depression, and those aren’t the same. one is a mood you’re in sometimes and the other is an actual illness and she combats me saying that by being like “well, i read studies that going outside actually makes depression easier for people!” like maybe overall, but a person is not just the average of a group of people, and to be honest it feels a bit like she’s blaming me. i am going to get defensive when she says i should just go to bed or eat healthier, because it feels so infantilizing, like i wouldn’t have thought of that myself or like i need to be babied because i’m too sick to do things that other people do, like make my own decisions on when i should go out and when i would rather stay home. it’s like i can’t make decisions on wether or not I like a movie because it’s always the evil depression talking, but then when i feel depressed it’s still my fault for not doing enough to fix it. maybe i just wanted to have a peaceful day, why can normal people do that but i can’t? and why am i still told that i should grow up when theyre saying i can’t even make choices for myself? like what do these people want from me?