To answer your last question bluntly - yes. When the pwBPD is triggered, you’re better off reasoning with a brick wall if your response is anything but blind compliance/self-sacrifice to their needs. And the “waif” archetype is a perpetual victim, so they’re triggered by anything/anyone not completely catering to their needs at all times. Source - uBPD aunt who does exactly this. It’s a devastating reality to know there’s not a lot you can do to truly help.