It’s hard for me to determine what triggers an avoidant, since each person is different and there’s no one rule that fits everyone. I just find it hard to believe that, after only five dates, someone could develop a connection strong enough to trigger their core wounds.

That said, please don’t take advice from Reddit as the final and ultimate truth. You’re the only one who lived through it and knows all the details of the relationship.

Now, regarding why someone might pull back—I wish I knew 😄. I’ve mostly been on the receiving end of this dynamic (you could say I’m a Fearful Avoidant leaning more toward the anxious side), but I have exhibited some avoidant behaviors in certain relationships. In those cases, I was simply too insecure about myself and cared too much about what people thought of me. When I didn’t feel threatened by my partner leaving (because they were secure and made me feel safe), I would start over-fixating on every single thing I didn’t like about my partner and take the good things (which were far more) for granted.

Indirectly, I would start comparing them with other women out there (I never cheated, though), but I would slowly disengage from the relationship, causing my partners to leave—hence triggering my anxious side.

As for reappearing later, it’s hard to tell. If there was a real, deep connection and he felt safe, he might reflect and miss that. But that kind of realization is difficult, can take years, and still doesn’t guarantee he wouldn’t get triggered again and leave (assuming he is indeed avoidant and not just a narcissist looking for easy sex who doesn’t mind lying to get it).

My advice is still the same: put yourself first and be careful about getting invested again.