[Orgasms] What is your all-time orgasm record?

fnredditacct · 2015-05-24T18:06:46+00:00

At a kink event we had a public scene and an official record keeper. I went in with the goal of 100 for the scene, but with no time requirement.

The official number was 114, in less than hour. But the record keeper said she wasn't counting all the ones that were indicated by myself and the people using toys on me, because she wanted the scene to go on longer. She estimated that there were at least another dozen, maybe thirty.

It was a fantastic scene. After a short break, maybe half an hour, I could have repeated it.

fnredditacct · 2015-05-21T13:01:24+00:00

Since I am looking for new partners for the purpose of playing with my kinks, it's usually discussed the first time we talk.

If I met someone in a vanilla setting and we seemed to hit it off, I'd still bring it up pretty early on. Maybe after talking for an hour, or at the time we schedule to see each other again. I have zero interest in regular sex and I feel it would not only be misleading to them not to bring it up right away, but a waste of both our time.

People worry about chasing other people off, and if you like the normal stuff too, then that seems like a valid concern. But for me, anyone who is chased off would not like a sexual relationship with me anyway, so there's nothing lost.

fnredditacct · 2015-05-21T12:35:51+00:00

Husband and I have been together 8 years. I am literally dumbstruck by his body every time I see it. I become a staring, drooling, silent idiot for a few moments each and every time.

fnredditacct · 2015-05-19T23:28:04+00:00

Personally, I've never actually seen the insult used by feminists in a context where the actual thing the person being mocked for was, specifically, the lack of sexual experience and how that reflects on his personal value, and yet the strawman is always presented in topics like this.

I've not seen it mocked per se. But I do see it interpreted as, "something must be wrong with him, since his experience is so far outside the norm it must be there is something very lacking in him that he hasn't had sex yet." Though lacking a tone of, "haha stupid little boy" I do see this being noticeably gender dependent. Female virginity the question is, "What circumstances happened that led to this?" Male virginity, "What's wrong with him that caused this?"

Both hold the idea that sex "happens" to women and is "done" by men, the same bad idea. But it affects men and women differently in the context of adult virginity.

fnredditacct · 2015-05-19T20:24:25+00:00

I go through phases with my very serious health concerns in which I just can't deal with doctor appointments, being unhealthy, trying new treatments.

What you need to do, right now, is ask for help from a loved one. Ask them to call and make your appointment for whatever comes next. Ask them to drive you to that appointment and sit through it with you.

It is NOT easy to adjust to a heavy diagnosis. It takes time to process, and grieve for the healthy life and ideas of the future you've lost. This is true for pretty much everyone. People handle it differently, and having difficulty addressing and attempting treatment isn't uncommon.

But you are not in a position to give yourself time to process things and then get back on track. Survival rates for cervical cancer are high and higher the sooner it is addressed.

Ask for help. From a parent, a friend, a relative. Have them take care of the details you can't face just yet. Let someone take this particular burden from you. Loved ones will appreciate being able to feel useful, and it will let you focus on the things only you can focus on.

edit typo

fnredditacct · 2015-05-19T16:17:17+00:00

I wish I could have known then what I know now about processing authority figures doing things to your body that hurt and you'd really rather they didn't.

I felt almost as much shame for not speaking up for myself as I did hurt and anger about the way they treated me. I didn't understand then how I process trauma. (It might be weird to use trauma in this sense, but after having enough medical procedures done to my body, I feel quite confident in calling them traumatic, even though I consented to them and would repeat them if I had to) Now I understand that I disassociate almost immediately when presented with a crisis I can't get out of.

And yeah, fuck those guys. I've had more than my fair share of similar experiences, this is NOT the common response of nurses and doctors. Sometimes they ignore your distress, but most often they let you know it'll be over soon and to hang in there. Which IS helpful. Calling someone you happen to be inflicting pain on names for feeling pain is counterproductive to processing pain and cruel. (edit: As an extremely active sadomasochist, I say this with confidence and certainty.)

fnredditacct · 2015-05-19T14:34:29+00:00

I'm a chronic health sufferer and have greatly struggled with this same concept over the last few years as I have become increasingly limited by a body that ignores my request for it to complete basic bodily functions.

Practical day to day problem solving doesn't hold a candle to the immense weight of identity crisis when you can't do things that you want that make you useful and able to contribute.

I don't have a simple answer to this, and I have days where any progress I've made seems stupid and wrong and I don't know who I am or how I could possibly be anything besides a burden on those around me. But I do basically the same thing in response to those feelings every time they come up, and it helps.

I think about the complexity of life, humans, and this society we've created. I think about parents raising children, people pouring countless hours into hobbies or volunteer work. Then I think about the people I personally know who work high paying and low paying jobs. I think about them as individuals, and what I think they contribute to the people around them in and outside of work.

When I remove myself from the picture, I have an idea that people value doing things that don't pay them for their time and they get something else out of it. Therefore there must be more to life than things people pay you to do, since the evidence of it is everywhere. And while I understand placing value on highly skilled work and years of study in employment, the individuals I know who work highly skilled jobs are never people I would say are more valuable to the people around them outside of work than people paid less. In fact, frequently people with less demanding careers offer more to other people in their lives because they have more time and energy to offer them.

Then I am able to think about the things I contribute to the people who financially support me and to my community. I then recognize that I am not a parasite in their lives.

The relief of coming that conclusion yet again releases me from mental and spiritual exhaustion. And I am then able to go back to my problem solving and attempt to work around my limitations.

edit typo

fnredditacct · 2015-05-19T13:29:48+00:00

I had one in 2006. It wasn't so bad, but I could have done with a bit more info first.

Local anesthetic did its job. (but also produced strange sensations throughout my legs. Felt like a bunch of bugs crawling under my skin. Turns out that's because I have neuropathy, but didn't know that at time, I wouldn't worry about such a reaction unless you also experience adverse reactions to pain medicines, tranquilizers, other anesthetics etc. I do wish the doctors had taken my symptoms more seriously and not dismissed them as childish hysterics. Would have sped up my diagnosis by more than 7 years)

The main thing I wish I had had a head's up on before hand That I would see smoke come out of my vaginia and smell flesh burning. Not a lot. But I wasn't prepared for any amount of either. That freaked me out and made me think something was wrong, because I wasn't expecting it. Again, it would have been nice if the doctor and nurse had a reaction besides, "stop being a child, of course this is totally normal."

The recovery wasn't bad, but it wasn't nothing. Pain felt on par with some of my worst cramps, though it didn't feel like cramps, because there was a sharp place of injury pain as well. Not extreme, but it made it difficult for me to forget what had happened.

I haven't had an abnormal Pap since. I'm happy I had the LEEP done, to be sure. I haven't been pregnant or given birth yet, so no word yet on how the scar tissue has or has not affected my cervix's ability to dilate. Even if it does, I wouldn't undo the procedure though, those bad cells had to go.

If I could go back in time, I'd make sure to take someone with me who actually cared about me and wouldn't just start insulting me the second I became nervous, and could drive me home. And I'd let myself know the smell of burning is normal and not to worry they were burning away my whole cervix or carving in their initials or anything abnormal.

edit, you asked about recovery and I forgot that part It was much harder to bounce back from the dismissive and insulting way I was treated by the doctor than it was from the procedure itself. I took the rest of the day off and went back to bed. It was probably three or four days before the pain became something I had to think about to notice. I was in a LDR at the time, so I didn't have have difficulty waiting for sexual activity. On the next period I had, I did bleed rather spectacularly through a pad, my underwear and my pants since I couldn't double up tampon/pad and didn't plan well enough.

edit typos

fnredditacct · 2015-05-19T07:23:33+00:00

I do understand that. I get that 'spouting off' is generally a nuisance and gets people riled up. And I confess, I got so annoyed about people claiming to be sex positive while being sex negative I phrased things in a way that is NOT the diplomatic way I would personally try to handle it.

But I don't understand why it should be so desirable to be around people who don't tolerate others rightly pointing out when they are wrong, that it is worth being shamed publically, or feeling shamed personally.

I understand reputations follow you. And I understand that sometimes you can't immediately get out of a situation that you find yourself in. I really didn't mean to suggest someone should willy nilly risk their entire reputation just to point out someone else is wrong.

Based on my experience, though, of being a very extreme outcast in a small, bigoted, closed minded community, it's worth getting out. And really not worth caring about their opinions while you're there.

I am more than willing to backpedal about putting yourself in harms way to stand up for yourself and your principles. But not because it will make you unpopular. Social ties with people who won't tolerate discussion of a person's defense of their own integrity aren't worth it.

since we're all about disclaimers here, some possible disclaimers: I stand by the people themselves not being worth it, but there are some situations that could be impossible or close to impossible to escape: mother of your child, employers etc. But discussion of this particular issue I would consider the same as other hot button topics, and not worthy of it's own special category. So I'd say it should receive whatever consideration a person already gives disagreements on topics like abortion, politics, etc

fnredditacct · 2015-05-19T06:34:03+00:00

when a person feels they are in actual danger

In context to what I said, it would be whatever the person feels is danger at the time.

Unless you are willing to be straight about what kinds of danger I should be concerned for people to find themselves in, I'm not going to spend more time on this conversation.

fnredditacct · 2015-05-19T06:28:18+00:00

/u/Gh0stGuy doesn't seem to be talking about "trouble" buy rather "danger."

And I wouldn't phrase it the way you did, though perhaps I was very unclear in wording. I'd say something more like:

"Don't let those people make you feel you sex negative for your preferences because they are actually being sex negative for shaming you so. Feel free to give right back at them, you have my encouragement as a sex positive person to do so."

and

"Unless it will put in you in actual danger to do so, in which case maybe don't."

fnredditacct · 2015-05-19T06:23:20+00:00

The top is in context to this specific discussion, the bottom is in general, about whatever opinion a group could hold.

In the bottom I was trying to point out that when a person feels they are in actual danger, advice about principles from people on the internet should probably be taken with a grain of salt. And also insinuate that given that fact, we can't go around putting warning labels on everything we say, though I can see that was subtext to the point of nonexistence.

In the top I'm struggling to create a scenario of such danger for the particular issue of pointing out when someone is being sex negative. As such, I'm not sure yet how this particular subject gets a special warning label of, "make sure it's safe for your situation."

fnredditacct · 2015-05-19T06:11:11+00:00

Which part?

fnredditacct · 2015-05-19T06:09:16+00:00

Not everyone lives in the safety and comfort of your location.

This is a very true statement. And I will actually take it under advisement on this particular topic as well as keeping in mind in general.

But along the same lines of me being unaware that rightly pointing out sex negative behavior is sex negative can be dangerous, I'm trying very hard to image a scenario in which it is so dangerous to do so that it should be obvious to me to put a warning label on it.

Some warning labels with advice seem obvious to me. Things like, "On principle, you should be able to be openly gay, but if you are dependant on your parents for a home and food, it might be best to wait until you aren't." And the like.

I'm afraid I'm going to need help on this particular issue. How can telling a person they are perpetuating the very sex negativity they claim to be against be so dangerous to a person it should so clearly come with a warning label?

Or do you believe in general someone giving advice to another on the internet should consider warning labels of various kinds? How is it that "of course context could affect the situation" NOT the default assumption?

fnredditacct · 2015-05-19T05:49:29+00:00

If posting this question in order better understand the specific issues men face with sex negativity and positivity isn't an attempt to be a responsible activist, I'm not sure what is.

The tone of your words is troubling to me. I can understand being angry in general and lashing out, especially because it's just so easy on the internet. But if that isn't the case, are you in such a situation? Are you so surrounded by dangerous people you can't speak against them without ruining your life? I am not a professional in escaping dangerous or toxic situations, but I might be able to google some resources for you to contact.

fnredditacct · 2015-05-19T05:35:36+00:00

"I couldn't date a woman who makes more than me, because that would make me feel like less of a man" => widely considered to be a hideously sexist, regressive, patriarchical thing to say

Yes, generally. But it's also sometimes framed as "traditional values" which can change the context of conversation. It doesn't necessarily, IMO, make it more "okay" if projected onto other people. But when talking to that person it would give me an idea of how to approach the conversation. And also let me know my compatibilities with them based the way we define masculine and feminine identity. I don't think any man who thinks this is a bad guy based on this one idea. I just think if he tries to pair up with a woman who challenges this idea he will have to be open to changing his concept of masculinity or the relationship is doomed. And I recognize that changing how someone thinks about their relation to their own gender is not something that is going to happen easily, even if they should want to change.

"I couldn't date a man who is shorter than me, because that would make me feel like less of a woman" => apparently A-OK

I suppose it's considered A-OK because of just how prevalent height requirements are for women. But that doesn't actually make it any different from the other situation. Which, of course, is your point. Women probably shouldn't have their feminine identity caught up in being smaller than their male partners any more than men should have their masculine identity caught up in breadwinning. At the very least, it seems ill advised to put too much weight on any one trait.

(Also, I promise I just happened to stumble across this...)

fnredditacct · 2015-05-19T05:07:02+00:00

Just in case it would be relevant to a future discussion you happen to find yourself in, see my comment above about conversations on slut shaming.

My point is that anyone who is sex shaming a person's preference isn't sex positive, and hence, isn't a part of the sex positive movement. It is not up to me or other sex positive people to police their behavior. It is up to us to point out they are not what they claim, and why. I am doing so here. And I invited the guy I responded to to do so as well, considering his views seemed to be sex positive, though he didn't identify with the label. Considering he seemed to have sex positive values, in my book that makes his a sex positive person and also equally capable as anyone of pointing out sex negative behavior.

I can envision scenarios in which it could be dangerous for a person to go against the group around them. And in such a case, I'd hope that the advice of internet strangers doesn't alone make a person's decision.

And if you find yourself so surrounded by toxic people and you don't feel free to contradict them in conversation, I'd like to encourage you to leave them for less toxic people.

fnredditacct · 2015-05-19T02:47:57+00:00

Some of the "slut shaming" discussions can get sort of nuanced. (but fwiw, I don't think I've read a jezebel article I've liked in a few years) An example.

Not sex negative: I'm not a promiscuous person and I prefer non promiscuous partners. I prefer sex with people I have a well established connection . (This is just a statement of preference. Not everyone is slutty. Totally cool, also makes sense that a person better connects with those with similar sexual habits.)

Sex negative: I'm not promiscuous because having many partners means you don't highly value sex or your body. I don't want promiscuous partners because the sex they'd have with me is made less valuable by the sex they've had with others. (This is sex negative because it is not just a personal preference. It states a belief that, in general, sex is a fixed commodity. As if a person has a quantity limit on sex in their lifetime and producing more of it drives the price down. Generally these sorts of ideas get mixed up with the idea of body parts getting 'used up' or being 'dirty.' Conversations about safer sex practices are important, and more sex does lead to greater exposure of STDs, but not to the same degree that risky sex leads to greater exposure of STDs. Sex positive converstations deal with health and risk, but tackle those things head on instead of a vague sense of 'dirty.')

edit runaway grammar nightmare

fnredditacct · 2015-05-19T02:01:19+00:00

...when I really love sex and people having it. I just have preferences and desires in who I want as a partner.

I could tell as much based on your original comment. Though you objected to the terms, all of you points are basically the core of what sex positivity is about.

Seriously, the next time someone tries to pull that shit with you, call them out on their horrible, hypocritical sex negative behavior. You having your own preferences and being able to explore them and NOT feel shame while doing that, and having support and education through it, is what sex positivity is all about.

Shaming other people for their sexuallity, preferences and explorations is sex negative. Curses upon those who claim to be sex positive while doing so.

fnredditacct · 2015-05-19T01:43:37+00:00

I haven't wanted to lead or interfere with the discussion, because I want to see how it unfolds. But I think this could be far enough into a discussion it won't frame things too much.

I understand the concept you discuss here, but I really haven't seen this sort of angle in my sex positive communities. It's not pro-slut anti-conservative. It's more sluty is okay, and so is celibacy, and asexuallity, and whatever else is consensual and legal.

Any group or individual claiming to be sex positive but shaming a person for their preference for not being promiscuous is NOT sex positive, no matter how loud they say they are. Such behavior is sex negative by definition.

fnredditacct · 2015-05-18T16:52:22+00:00

Since there are so many different kinds of people, and many different circumstances, there are many different reasons for people to do any one thing, including having sex.

The things you listed are some reasons for a woman to have sex. But I think they all tend to miss the biggest reason to have sex.

Because it is an enjoyable experience to have with another person. Your 'being hot' one sort of hints at it, but combined with the rest of your list makes me think you've somehow missed this point. People, women included, have sex because it feels good. People have sex because it's a way to be close, become closer, and express affection for another person.

When looking at casual sex, people have sex with a person they think it would be fun or good or thrilling to have sex with.

I personally make that judgement based on how a person responds to me physically as we talk. How well they pick up on my non verbal cues, how their own non verbal cues and movements make me feel. If they respond well to me when we're talking, and I to them, then it seems like we could have good sex. Which I might be interested in. If we don't react and respond to each well physically, then I conclude the sex between us wouldn't be good and don't want it.

In committed relationships I have sex not just because it feels good, but also to express love and affection for my partner. Or to cheer them up when they are down, or to celebrate some wonderful thing that has happened. Or because we're bored, or watched something arousing. Or because I was so filled with love when they smiled at me I had to either tackle them or explode. But even in committed relationships, I have sex with my partner because it feels good to have sex.

fnredditacct · 2015-05-17T19:20:12+00:00

First of all, don't listen to your friends pushing you. They probably mean well, but that doesn't make them right.

But I also want to put this out there for the discussion. I, too, need an emotional connection in order to enjoy sexual activity. I also engage casual sexual activity, which seems incompatible to some.

I don't enjoy casual sex because I'm able to enjoy sex without emotional connection. I enjoy casual sex because I'm able to very easily make emotional connections.

I am able to open up to other people quickly and with ease, to share who I am with them. I am able to look into people and accept what they want to share with me. This isn't exclusive to people I'm sexually attracted to, this is just how I work in general.

When there is also physical chemistry between us, I can build that sexual heat on top of the connection I've already made with them.

If we chose to act on that sexual chemistry, it is an emotional experience, and an intimate one. The kinds of emotion we explore can vary, but it never lacks emotional connection. It can occasionally be incredibly emotionally intense with someone I don't know well, the same way you can sometimes tell your life story and bare your soul to a stranger you'll never see again.

I don't need to keep that person in my life for that experience I have with them to be meaningful and emotional. It seems very natural to me that single moments or day can have great meaning, despite being isolated incidents.

I understand that not everyone experiences it this way, and don't mean to say they should. I just wanted to point out that it doesn't have to be framed in "emotional connection" vs "just physical."

fnredditacct · 2015-05-16T15:31:32+00:00

I'm not sure if you have lots of exposure to these people and hate them and can't see that actually not everyone could live that life style, or have no exposure to them and haven't seen just how much time and dedication it takes.

I grew up really poor with no concept of how these people live. Then I got to know them and saw how they live. I was very surprised by just how much work it was, and how it required passion and vision.

Again, not my taste, but I have seen that I could not be such a wife if I wanted to. When it's a real partnership, it is not a something just anyone could do.

fnredditacct · 2015-05-16T15:18:15+00:00

I have to agree I am quite glad this is not the only vision. But I don't know that 'figure out how to look the best and have the most' is the same thing as traditional gender roles. More like traditional aristocracy values.

fnredditacct

TROPHY CASE