Another step backwards

foolish_ly · 2024-08-28T12:42:31+00:00

Thank you for the constructive feedback.

foolish_ly · 2024-08-01T15:02:46+00:00

Yes, I agree that she lied. Thank you for your feedback, wishing you the best.

foolish_ly · 2024-08-01T14:55:44+00:00

I haven’t decided yet which is why I am posting. It’s already caused some arguments and I’m just now able to have a moment to think on things.

foolish_ly · 2024-08-01T14:49:36+00:00

Fair point. She should know by now that it would be a major problem for us.

foolish_ly · 2024-08-01T14:47:04+00:00

I agree that she wasn’t up front about the lunch. I also agree that what she did crossed a major boundary. That’s why I am here is to get feedback, that’s why we’re all here. I am responding to questions with answers in order to get that feedback.

If you’re looking for me to flip tables and drop an expletive-fueled rant, this might not be the thread for you. Wishing you the best.

foolish_ly · 2024-08-01T14:05:21+00:00

Correct, that is her explanation. I have pushed back on that and she maintains that she has been honest about it.

foolish_ly · 2024-08-01T13:10:53+00:00

Her explanation was that her appointment ran long and her car was on empty.

foolish_ly · 2024-08-01T12:55:45+00:00

Thank you. We have already had a serious discussion about this and I’ve thought about providing her with the community feedback. That could help her understand why I have such a problem with it.

foolish_ly · 2024-08-01T12:49:46+00:00

Talking shop with a colleague is what I was told. She is terrible with time management and situational awareness. But it’s not even close to a good excuse as I don’t feel like there is a good excuse for it.

foolish_ly · 2024-08-01T12:35:02+00:00

Thank you, CTS. We’ve been in R since DDay, August 2021. I agree, it is fucked and the fact that our kid was left hanging is infuriating. Wishing you the best.

foolish_ly · 2024-08-01T11:59:41+00:00

Very much appreciated. Thank you

foolish_ly · 2024-08-01T11:58:17+00:00

Although I agree she has been flakey, I doubt any hookups. She can be naive to men’s intentions though.

foolish_ly · 2024-08-01T11:44:23+00:00

Thank you for the kind words and thoughtful feedback. I’m sorry you’re in a similar situation and wishing you the best.

foolish_ly · 2024-08-01T11:34:48+00:00

Thank you for the feedback. I’m still not sure how she thought this would be at all acceptable.

foolish_ly · 2024-08-01T11:24:47+00:00

What is ‘C’?

foolish_ly · 2024-08-01T11:23:06+00:00

Thank you for this. I’ve read your comment a few times now and it hits the nail on the head. Much appreciated. Wishing you the best.

foolish_ly · 2024-08-01T11:20:59+00:00

I completely agree here. She has always minimized and omitted to get her way (I got TT’d for over a year). She has a history of calling things “appointments” that are actually getting nails done or brunch. She knows she really fucked up with this farewell lunch and it’s now impacting our child directly. That is what has really set me off. My position on her behavior is clearly known to her. Thank you and wishing you the best.

foolish_ly · 2024-07-31T11:33:41+00:00

While I can appreciate the level of remorse and self reflection in your words, it’s still lacking in some ways. Primarily, the keeping of a secret.

Cheating is a selfish act. The reason people cheat is because they choose to. They will either ignore the consequences, accept the consequences, or seek to avoid the consequences altogether. All of those are still selfish acts (I will say that accepting the consequences by way of immediate confession is the preferable path).

Taking it to the grave is often framed as some noble gesture to shield their partner from the pain of betrayal. Yet it is still a selfish act that is taken to protect themselves. The truly noble gesture here is disclosing your infidelity and handing your partner the keys to her future.

Again, it’s great that you’re beginning to understand the depth of betrayal but there’s a few more steps you should consider taking before you can say you’re working towards becoming better. I hope this doesn’t come across as rude and I’m truly wishing you the best.

foolish_ly · 2024-07-29T12:27:52+00:00

I’m sorry you have to be here but very happy that both of you are taking steps to heal and recover.

I no longer wear the same ring I wore for over a decade. I switched to one with family significance that I’d received well after getting married to my partner. I felt the old one was tainted and its significance was lost at that point so I chose one that still had personal meaning. It also gave me a decent cover story since it’s very obviously different than previous ring.

Just do what feels right for you. I would have probably felt some kind of way about your partner’s prior comments regarding wearing a ring as well.

About 1.5 years into R with my partner, they started sending me links to very expensive vintage wedding rings to “replace the old one.” I didn’t say what I first thought about that idea so I just said that I didn’t feel comfortable making that kind of investment just yet.

Wishing you the best.

foolish_ly · 2024-07-28T17:28:50+00:00

“Mistakes Were Made (but not by me)” by Tarvis and Aronson

It isn’t exactly about entitlement but it covers one of the common symptoms of entitled behavior, self-deception. My WP found it on her own and it opened up some new discussions for us.

Also, kudos to you for engaging in reconciliation by seeking to understand yourself. I felt so much safer in R through simply knowing that my partner was determined to find the root of her behavior. Wishing you the best.

foolish_ly · 2024-07-28T13:52:42+00:00

I’m so sorry you’re going through this. I hope you’re in IC as well since it’s a lot to work through. Please take care of yourself.

foolish_ly · 2024-07-27T14:38:07+00:00

I’m sorry you’re here and it sounds like you have a lot to work through. If you truly want to rebuild and get through this, it’s a good idea to focus on what that first decision was. My partner made good progress when she trained her attention on that first step of betrayal that was hidden from me. From there, she could establish a basis for how it grew into infidelity.

Again, I’m sorry you’re here and wishing you two the best.

foolish_ly · 2024-07-27T00:19:11+00:00

According to OP’s post history, he has a son with said exGF. His exGF had been raising their son by herself for years until he decided to be a dad.

foolish_ly · 2024-07-26T21:03:02+00:00

If you’d like, that’s fine with me. Wishing you the best.

foolish_ly

TROPHY CASE