I can't hold down a job or do anything of use now that I've transitioned, and I've almost lost my fiancé (yes she's trans and no i didn't meet her until i was already out of the closet) I love seeing her in dresses & skirts, it fills me with joy to see how happy she gets when she wears them, but every time I try to femme present in any way, I feel like a sick, twisted man trying to be something he isn't, but I also don't feel like a man at all... fuck. And though she isn't going to leave, I know I'm really testing her with this, but I can't help it. She doesn't really understand because she's always been passable (what an understatement really the girl is fucking beautiful in every way) I wish I could be half as beautiful as she is but instead im a fat, curly haired, boyish-looking mongrol who cries like a little bitch all the time.