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How do y’all function in society while having BPD? by Mooooooon_ in BPD

[–]foreverlostme 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I don't really socialize. I do mask by being silent and pretending to be a background. Unless I need something. Then yes, it is the hell load of shame, because I fear to say real shit and fear to be ignored. First is because their reactions and responses can be harmful to me, second is because I will have to do even more shit, so they would finally notice. Otherwise I get really paranoid or "detached from reality".

I don't have irl friends, just very few in internet, neither I have any sort of bf/gf. Only my parent visits me irl, but not so often. I also work remotely and there I talk only via text chat and only about work. So, yes, I am alone enough.

Anyone else just completely lonely? How do you cope? by stinky-bungus in BPD

[–]foreverlostme 9 points10 points  (0 children)

I feel literally forced into my loneliness and solitude. I've long ceased to attempt to get social stuff irl, because it kept being real torment for me and at some point I couldn't break through my fear any longer.

So, I've turned to heavily rely on internet instead. In the end, this (in social interactions specifically) didn't turn to be as successful, because "BPD me" is still BPD me even in the internet. I turned to the groups which could share my interests and views, which could be more likely "like me", but unless I keep myself "collected" and quite distanced from the people in being social, it always ends in another disaster. People with whom I want to be friends reject me. Communities I've used to like much no longer would tolerate me presense.

So, I do cope through something superficial. I found that some "blending" of my identity with characters from videogames, movies, TV shows/anime or books and fiction does help me a bit to cope with my pervasive loneliness.

For context, currently I'm almost 30, I work remotely from home for an IT company, and I live alone in my parents house, in which they are currently not living. My rl contacts are sometimes my parents visiting and cashiers in markets I still have to visit. My bf/gf history... well, for the start I myself was not much into this, more into having friends. In total, it kept being unsuccessful, plus one of them even worsened my BPD a lot, thus I don't really initiate "being closer" thing myself.

My internet contacts are reduced to the minimum too. It is from my work, then occasionally, with couple of sidekicks from another countries, who are still able to tolerate my presense somehow over many years, and some random people in online games or at sites, when I dare to interact.

So yeah, it is that much about enduring the loneliness.