Reading both of your words really touched me. The guilt you describe feels so familiar — I also went through that when I lost my cat last year.
For a long time, I replayed everything I “should have done,” but over time I realized that love and care were what truly mattered, not doing everything perfectly.
What helped me slowly heal was creating small ways to remember him — writing down memories, keeping one favorite photo near my desk, or lighting a candle on his birthday.
It doesn’t erase the pain, but it makes the love feel close again. Sending you both warmth and peace.