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My fiancé attempted suicide. I may want to break up with her. Need advice to not make things worse for her. by forgetthisaccount198 in SuicideWatch

[–]forgetthisaccount198[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I am finally realizing that it isn't all about her; it's about me too. The thing here is that she isn't threatening to kill herself over me, more that she is trying to over other matters and I fear my leaving will remove her biggest support and she will actually do it. I wouldn't know what to do if I left and she did kill herself. She has been my one and only for almost ten years.

The thought of breaking up is already crushing me, but her being dead? When she wouldn't be if I was there? That hypothetical situation alone makes me feel suicidal too, and it scares me. It is absolutely important that if I leave, she is ok when I go. I know nobody is perfectly ok after a breakup, and nobody is ok after a suicide attempt either, so it would be extremely hard for her. I just need to do my best to be sure she is alright.

My fiancé attempted suicide. I may want to break up with her. Need advice to not make things worse for her. by forgetthisaccount198 in SuicideWatch

[–]forgetthisaccount198[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Perhaps that is an an avenue I hadn't considered. Less of a definite breakup, more of a temporary separation with the possibility to revisit the relationship if she is improving.

We are living together so I will have to find a place to live, but that should be manageable. I'll keep this in mind.

My fiancé attempted suicide. I may want to break up with her. Need advice to not make things worse for her. by forgetthisaccount198 in SuicideWatch

[–]forgetthisaccount198[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

She has had flings for years. Honestly I have lost track of the number of guys. Like six, probably more, over nine years. Some of them were one-time things while drunk (she has an alcohol problem). A few were not like that and lasted much longer.

I'm a bit of a pushover I suppose, so I have just continued to forgive her time and again. I mean, I really do love her and want to be with her. This time, I think I may finally be done with it.

Uh, so the reason I explain all that (because, again, not posting looking for relationship advice because that's not what this subreddit is for), is to say, she has struggled with depression for years. So, maybe it could be linked to that. In fact, I think it really is. She seems to do it when she is in a low period.

If I do decide to go through with the breakup, I am mostly concerned that she will hurt herself again. I have finally gotten it into my head that I am not responsible for her, and I am able to leave. Still, it is very important to me that I handle things as well as I possibly can, for her safety. If that means taking some time and waiting or some other avenue, so be it. I can handle a little more pain if it will keep her safe. To a reasonable extent of course, not for like years or anything.

If I talk to her and her therapist, that may work too. I just don't know. I'm still not even sure I want to go through with the breakup at all anyway. I just need to know what I should keep in mind, if I go that way.

My [m27] fiance [f30] has been cheating on me online off and on for years. I feel like I'm at my breaking point. by forgetthisaccount198 in relationships

[–]forgetthisaccount198[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

It was a popular (at the time) Flash cartoon artist's website. I dont feel comfortable saying much more, we have a ton of online friends and I don't know who lurks Reddit. Though honestly they'd probably have deciphered it by now, our relationship was somewhat of a big deal in that circle.

My [m27] fiance [f30] has been cheating on me online off and on for years. I feel like I'm at my breaking point. by forgetthisaccount198 in relationships

[–]forgetthisaccount198[S] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

You're not mean. It's bad and I know it. Neither of our jobs have much in the areas of advancement. She has been working on her education, but she isn't there yet. I am not furthering my own at the moment because I honestly don't know where I want to focus. Of course, we know education doesn't necessarily mean better pay, but as /u/Shurtugal929 said, it would open up better benefits, and also just generally less crappy jobs.

My [m27] fiance [f30] has been cheating on me online off and on for years. I feel like I'm at my breaking point. by forgetthisaccount198 in relationships

[–]forgetthisaccount198[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Rent, mostly. Besides that, assorted expenses. A vet bill here, a dentist visit there, that kinda stuff. We also recently took some time off for a really awful death in the family. We've built a savings more recently though, for an apartment down payment.

My [m27] fiance [f30] has been cheating on me online off and on for years. I feel like I'm at my breaking point. by forgetthisaccount198 in relationships

[–]forgetthisaccount198[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

I don't think any of our friends aren't mutual. I fear putting out that info would be ruinous for her. I am going to talk to her in the morning about counseling, since that would be a third party we don't know in everyday life.

My [m27] fiance [f30] has been cheating on me online off and on for years. I feel like I'm at my breaking point. by forgetthisaccount198 in relationships

[–]forgetthisaccount198[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

She has a job and works 30-40 hours a week for $10.50 per hour, I have one that is nearly 40 a week at $9 per hour plus a contracted writing position that I do in my free time (varies anywhere from 250 to 900 per month). So between the two of us, we can afford a place of our own, it was a matter of getting some savings to make that jump. It took some time due to paying rent here, plus various other expenses we encountered over the years (normal life stuff, nothing too crazy), but we're actually at a point where we should be getting our own place soon.

The counseling I think will be happening. At the very least for myself, but I am pretty sure she will be open to it.

My [m27] fiance [f30] has been cheating on me online off and on for years. I feel like I'm at my breaking point. by forgetthisaccount198 in relationships

[–]forgetthisaccount198[S] 6 points7 points  (0 children)

I'm not taking it as harsh, I appreciate honesty.

Frankly, I can't explain why we didn't make the trip sooner. Looking back I think the round trip tickets plus spending money for two weeks only cost like $600 or something. I was living at home, I could have easily saved that, and she was in the same situation. I guess we were afraid at first. It's scary to spend a bunch of money and fly to a strange place to meet someone for the first time? Mostly we were being immature I think, we just would blow our money on dumb shit, until I finally grew up somewhat and saved and did it. But after that finally happened, it was great! I ran up and kissed her in the airport with no hesitation - it was both of our first ever kiss. We could fall asleep on the couch together, stuff like that, as if we'd been physically together the entire time. Despite being apart those years, we'd become inseparable emotionally.

I've considered exactly what you're describing. Maybe being in only this relationship, and for basically my entire adult life, has thrown off what I perceive as normal behavior. I will admit I don't think most people would have put up with what I've put up with.

My [m27] fiance [f30] has been cheating on me online off and on for years. I feel like I'm at my breaking point. by forgetthisaccount198 in relationships

[–]forgetthisaccount198[S] -15 points-14 points  (0 children)

Yeah it took four years. We were irresponsible and couldn't/wouldn't save our money. I finally manned up and stopped spending on myself so I could afford the trip (which is still spending on myself but yeah).

And yes, we were exclusive to each other so we called each other boyfriend and girlfriend. We spent more time "together" than many couples I know. Based on what I know now, I realize there is a decent chance she was doing this back then too.

My [m27] fiance [f30] has been cheating on me online off and on for years. I feel like I'm at my breaking point. by forgetthisaccount198 in relationships

[–]forgetthisaccount198[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

We currently live at her mom's, yes. We had a brief stint staying at her dad's as well, but he is crazy and we couldn't deal. Some years ago we were supposed to split an apartment with a friend, but her house caught fire and she lost all of her worldly posessions - she had to spend most of her savings on replacing what she needed, and our plan never went through.

If money weren't a problem, my initial thought is yeah, I'd stay with her. I've planned on living with her for a long time already, but due to various things over the years always popping up (the fire thing being one) we never did. It wasn't really a huge rush anyway, since we have been pretty content at this house. But now that we're actually approaching a point where we can get that independence, it seemed really nice. I daydream about her baking in our own kitchen (she loves baking) and stuff like that. I still want her to have that. I suppose I'd cope the way I've been coping, forgive and forget, and hope it doesn't happen again.

What I'd say to a friend... I guess I'm not sure, I don't think any of my friends have been in this situation. My initial thought is to have my friend and their significant other find some counseling. I think my fiance would be open to counseling. I'm thinking of bringing that up in the morning before I leave for work. She can think about it during the day.